Tag Archives: advice

Death and taxes, okay just taxes

Uncle Sam Another year has come to a close and that means it’s time do start worrying about your taxes. But I’m a sex worker, I don’t pay taxes you say. BAD idea! Everyone needs to pay their taxes be you PSO or escort. Uncle Sam wants the cut of your money he’s entitled to and it’s a good idea to give it to him so you don’t get caught up in him just taking it from you and he will just take it away from you.  Uncle Sam doesn’t care if you’re a hooker or a cam girl he just wants his money. Besides it’s good to pay your taxes for other reasons. Do you ever want credit? Want to buy a house someday? Get a car loan? Health insurance? Those are just some of the things you may need to show your tax returns to accomplish. Now that you’ve decided to be a productive member of society you need to fill out those pesky tax forms and saying “prostitute”  or “Dominatrix”  under the what do you do for a living part may not be what you want on your tax forms. That’s okay, you can say “model” or better yet say  “consultant”  Thats vague enough but is also mundane enough that it will just be glanced over. Lots of people are consultants you do not need to specify what kind of consultant. Problem one solved!

Depending on the kind of sex work you do you may get 1099 forms from the work you’ve done, or you may not. You still have to declare your actual income, even if you don’t get a form. If you’re an escort or pro domme and work only for yourself you will get nothing from no one. You still need to declare your income. It’s a good idea to begin the year keeping records of your income and expenses but thats an article for another time. If you are a cam girl, PSO, adult actress, dancer, adult content producer, fetish model and the list goes on and one you will likely get 1099’s from some companies and nothing from others. You are what is called an independent contractor/ sole proprietor which is commonly referred to as a freelancer. It’s your responsibility to keep track of your income so you can report it at the end of they year. Plus knowing what you make helps you budget in areas of the rest of  your life. You know like knowing if you are living above your means.

Now that you know what you make, its time to figure out what you can deduct as business expenses.

This about it like this, what things are you paying to run your business? Internet connection? Web hosting, domain names? Did you buy equipment this year for your clip shooting business? Did you pay a photographer for new pictures or take out expensive advertising on that pricey escort mall site? Those things are likely deductible. If you have a home office you can not deduct the full cost of your rent but you can deduct a portion of it. Usually based on the square footage of your office compared to the square footage of the entire place. Don’t try to scam the system keep track of your legitimate expenses. No those new $300 jeans you bought are not a “costume”

Viola you’re well on your way to filling your taxes. It sucks that you may (probably) will have to be cutting a check to Uncle Sam. No one likes that but nothing is being withheld from your earnings, including social security. You need to be prepared to be an responsible adult and write that check even if your hand shakes when you do it. I know mine does, every single fucking year.

Official disclaimer: I’m not a CPA or a tax attorney or anything along those lines. Sex worker friendly people in those professions are out there willing to take you on as a client if you look hard enough.  I’m just a sex worker who pays her taxes who’s trying to help figure out how to pay yours.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, Hypno-Domme and former GFE Escort

Follow Jenny DeMilo on Twitter


Get A Room!

On the phone Hi! Sarah (of SarahDoesPhoneSex.com) here and for my inaugural post here on Fairy Whore Mother, I want to share a fabulous tool that was recommended to me (by @MissEmmaMcG of KinkandCode.com) that has made Client-On-Cam sessions a freaking breeze. More on this in a bit. As a Phone Sex Operator (PSO) working primarily on platforms (like Niteflirt, TalkToMe, etc.), I don’t offer WebCam as a service. However, if I did, honestly I think I’d use a site that had the functionality to handle the whole transaction within the web browser itself, as opposed to having to utilize third party services (like Skype or various IM programs) to connect with the Client. And there are a variety of points I’d bring up about that, but I’m trying to keep this positive and not get distracted with too many side rants, so I’ll save that whole can of beans for another day.

But the thing that really bugs me about offering WebCam sessions (through phone sex platforms) is that without fail, they’re a huge pain in the ass to pull off. I use Skype to take my PSO calls. I did that on purpose. One of my goals in becoming a full time PSO is that eventually I’ll be able to do it from anywhere (as long as I have a good internet connection). So using Skype to watch a client’s webcam doesn’t work for me. And I refuse to download a bunch of IM programs. Yahoo? AIM? ICQ? I’m sorry, is 1999 calling? No.

And I realize that not using the tech old guys are comfortable with is probably hurting my business potential a bit. But I’m OK with that. Know why? Because of the inevitable threads I see on forums complaining about how clients abuse the fuck out of it. Selling that Skype ID for a few bucks may seem like a good idea now, but just wait till you’re getting endless messages asking if you’ll take Paypal or messaging you while you’re in the middle of a session with another client. And heaven help you if you have multiple characters to juggle.

Ever since settling on that little internal policy for how I run my business, if someone expresses interest in having me watch them on webcam. I offered Google Hangouts as my solution. Obviously this has it’s own trials and tribulations (they have to have a Gmail account or make one for naughty porn purposes, they have to be relatively tech savvy, etc.). And while I’ll admit I’m a pretty big Google fan girl, their user experience isn’t without t’s own issues either. But it made do. That is until I found about about Room.co.

OK, now pause, cause we need to get this little cautionary blurb out of the way. Room has a Terms of Service that clearly states that using their site for commercial and/or adult entertainment purposes is not kosher. *gasp* *shock* *feigned surprise* But seriously what modern tools are we in the adult entertainment industry allowed to use without violating the hell out all kinds of legalese? So use it at your own risk. And when it becomes a for pay service, please remember to support it with your cash (note: I’m not in any way affiliated with the site, so no agenda here) to help influence legit companies to embrace sextech as an under served customer base starving for innovation.

Now for the fun stuff. Why do I love this site so much?

  • No Downloads: Everything happens in the browser.
  • No Signup For Client: They don’t have to signup for anything. All they do is click the link you send them for the room and they get transported into the video call under a silly automatically generated anonymous moniker.
  • Tech Agnostic: Works on Google Chrome, Mozilla Firefox, and Apple (iPhone & iPad). That way everyone gets to play in their preferred tech playground. I also really love that they didn’t cater to Apple users to the determent of Android users (as so many developers do).
  • Intuitive User Interface: Simple by design. It doesn’t try and reinvent the wheel. The designers have embraced the conventions we’ve all been trained to look for through past internet experience to be able to very quickly navigate the various functions available.
  • Rename & Save Rooms: Have a repeat client? Make them their very own room and save the URL as a bookmark. Now you never ever have to worry about if they have the right URL or not (I’m looking at you Google Hangouts).
  • Text Chat: More than just a video conference / webcam tool, you can also type back and forth and share URLs with each other… privately.
  • Screen Share: Ever had a client that likes to watch porn with you? This makes it a cake walk.
  • Up To 4 People: I haven’t done this yet, but the thought has crossed my mind that this would be a way to do a session with a client that wanted to play with multiple entertainers at the same time or maybe play with 2 clients at the same time (long distance couples?). Not sure how often this feature would get used, but the option is there, and I like that.
  • Oh, and did I mention, it’s FREE!

Thanks for reading. I hope this will help take your sexwork business to the next level. Did you try out Room? What did you think? What did your Client think? Share your thoughts with me and the rest of the Fairy Whore Mother gang on Twitter (@FWMother & @SarahDoesPhSex).

Sarah Does Phone Sex, is a phone sex operator. You can find Sarah on Twitter, read her blog or even give her a call.


Stalkers how to avoid them what to do when they target you

stalker1Stalkers suck thats a fact. Its also the most common problem ( besides law enforcement) that escorts have to deal with. In fact most sex workers from strippers to pro Dommes, from cam girls to adult actors will at one point have a brush with a stalker. Sometimes its not a very serious threat and its someone just making small amounts of trouble for attention.  Sometimes it can cost you your life. Its hard to tell which is which so you want to treat all stalkers like its a serious threat and take the appropriate action. You want to avoid stalkers whenever possible and if (when) you are unfortunate enough to have one intrude on your life you want to take appropriate action to minimize their effect on your life.

Some things you can do to help you avoid a stalker.

Never tell a client your real name

This should be a no brainer but its sadly not. Never tell a client your real name. Also never tell anyone you might suspect of not being trustworthy your real name. They might turn around and tell a client. Example: An escort friend of mine was dating a man who used to see escorts. I socialized with them and they both knew my real name.  When they broke up he began harassing me (hello crazy). He knew my real name and used that to his advantage to try and scare me. I’ts best to have a fake real name, something everyone thinks is your real name that isn’t. This isn’t always possible but keeping the number of people who know you are a sex worker and in turn know your real name is something to strive for.

Clients press sex workers for their real names. It makes them feel special/powerful to be the person you gave your real name too. Don’t be tempted. Give them your fake real name, something you can easily remember and that you go to all the time. Make it plain and simple. Pick a name thats very common so if a client wants to Google the name you gave him it returns 500,00 “Maria Garcics” or “Ashley Johnsons” (Protip: pick a fake real name that a minor celebrity already has to increase the Google returns on your fake name)


Don’t give out too many personal details about yourself. If you are a current college student don’t tell them that. If you are a former college student and you use that in your marketing then never tell anyone the real college you went to. In fact make up a different degree you got. If you were a history major at Rutgers tell clients you were a English major at USC. If you are from the mid-west and have an accent from that region then tell people you are from a neighboring state. Make your answers reasonable but make them fake. Its hard when you spend so much time with clients not to slip up so make a fake history that closely resembles your own history but doesn’t give any clues that could lead back to finding the real you.  Give them clues to finding nothing. Disinformation is a sex workers best friend if you’re worried about stalkers.

Don’t do incall appointments out of your home

This one can be tricky because renting an incall location is expensive but don’t be tempted by the cash you can save. Never let a client know where you live and that’s impossible if you see them in  your home. It only takes one crazy to make your life a living hell. You also have the added bonus if you encounter the law doing incall out of your home they can confiscate pretty much anything as “evidence”. At a hotel or professional dungeon etc you don’t have items that can be taken from you, you only have what you bring in. Wanna know how often you get confiscated items back? Not very.

Never let a client walk you to your car

They can and will right down the make model and license number.  That goes for meet and greets too. Don’t let people see you get in or out of your car. Though motor vehicles deparments records are supposed to be hard to access, they are a lot more accessible then you think. Park your car around the corner from an outcall, valet the car at a hotel, take public transportation if its possible.

Lock down your social media

Social media is all the rage but how much of it do you really need as a sex worker. Figure that out. Use what works for you and disregard the rest. Do you really need a hooker Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter? If you use Twitter in your regular life don’t have a hooker twitter, its too easy to make a mistake and accidentally tweet on the wrong stream. Facebook is its own animal they use facial recognition software and well display your hooker Facebook to your non hooker friends ” Do you know inset hooker name here” Facebook’s TOS and privacy change so often that its really not worth having it.

If you have non work related social media, lock it down. Make your Twitter private. Make sure your Facebook is private and all the information along with it (what groups you’re in, who your friends are etc) Do not use a picture of your face as the icon. Don’t use posted pictures across social media. Example don’t post the same picture of your cute dog in your hooker Twitter stream and on your personal Facebook. Also turn off your geo-location… on everything!

Those are a few things you can do to avoid being in a position to be stalked in the first place. However if a stalker takes an interest in you, how you react to him is critical. Sometimes a stalker just wants you feel scared and they will threaten to out you. To family, friends, co-workers, the IRS. Sometimes they threaten and are intent on actual harm. If at anytime you feel physically threatened then its imperative you call the authorities ASAP.

Do not engage

This is hard because you will want to tell them to fuck off but do not engage them. Do not give them attention, delete ignore, delete ignore is your mantra. Do not give them any attention, nothing, nada, zip. Stalkers want your attention. They want to scare you, they want to know they are having an effect on you, some want to hurt you. They often escalate if you give them attention. They can get emboldened with even the slightest drop of attention. That’s not to say they wont escalate if you ignore them they may but often a casual stalker, someone who just wants to cause you some trouble will move on if he doesn’t get the rise out of you he wants.


Screen shots, saved emails, saved letters, if the harassment has already intruded on your life beyond online into the physical then keep a diary/journal if everything thats happening no matter how insignificant it is. Remember to date and time everything. Be diligent.


Who could be stalking you? figure it out. Narrow it down. If you did appointments out of your house and you get threats sent to you in the mail make a list of who knows your address. If its someone who references something you said on twitter/facebook and your work twitter/facebook is private make a list of who it could be. Cross references the lists. Often stalkers will give themselves away in the details. Pay attention to them. You can often figure out who’s stalking you and that will help you asses how serious the threat is.


If you are being harassed where you live then it might be time to move. That sucks i know but your safey is important. If you did incall out of your home and you are being stalked then its time to move out of there. Get a PO box if you move and have all your mail forwarded there not to the new address. Stalkers can be clever, I heard of one who had their victims mail re-routed to their address. For reals. Keep your new location secret. Don’t tweet what city you live in, don’t put your city on your Facebook.

Report to the authorities

Stalking is crime and many cities have anti-stalking laws already on the books. Yours might or it might not but its still a crime and if you are being physically threatened then you need to report this. This will be hard because often LE will not look favorably on you and will try to dismiss you out of hand. Be persistent. Take a friend with you, someone who can advocate for you if you need it. Someone to give you moral support as you tell the police about your stalking. The trick here is you MUST be honest with them. You have to let them know you are a sex worker. This too will not be easy. You may be judged.. harshly. However your safety matters and you must take all steps to protect yourself. Where I live theres a well known officer of the law that actually works with sex workers on these types of issues. There might be one in your city as well. You will want to bring all your documentation with you. If you have figured out who your stalker is then you will want to investigate getting a TRO (temporary restraining order) You will need documentation for this as well, you will need to appear credible. Speak clearly to the officer/judge. Wear a business suit and look professional. Don’t give them any excuse to dismiss you and not take your issue seriously. Because it is serious.






I have been stalked/harassed both as an escort and in my regular life. As much as it caused me emotional distress, I was fortunate enough that my stalker(s) only wished to cause me trouble and it never went further then that. If you are stalked be prepared to be outed. Often this threat is what the stalker uses to harass you. Know that this could happen and prepare yourself for your friends and family knowing about your profession if they don’t already. Prepare yourself that this could go further and at some point you may have to report this stalking. Take all threats seriously. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself that includes setting yourself up not to be stalked in the first place.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, Hypno-Domme and former GFE Escort

Follow Jenny DeMilo on Twitter

4 things you can do when your advertising venue disappears

Panic!You woke up one morning to find the main place, your go to advertising venue, where you advertised for your escort business has suddenly disappeared. It’s gone, vanished, poof… into the mist! It’s normal to feel panic when something like this happens to you and it does happen. It happens more often than people think. You don’t know what to do. How will you make a living? What options do you have to advertise? How will you eat and keep a roof over your head. Before you do anything drastic like walk the streets and put yourself into harms way or see un-screened possibly unsafe clients take a deep breath, a big step back and think.  There are always other options available to you. One website isn’t the end all be all in escort advertising even if that website had a bit of a monopoly on the local market. There are other ways, other options in how to make things work for you and your escort business. You just have to find them.

1. Find new advertising

Hopefully you didn’t have all your eggs in one advertising basket. Sometimes though there is only one good place to advertise in a city or rather one place that has all the business. If you find that place isn’t there any longer then it’s time to find a new advertising venue. Google your city +escorts or any combination there of and look at all the new possible places for you to put up an ad. If the old place that no longer exists was free to advertise and everything else costs then time to pay up. Welcome to the big leagues, the real world where you have to invest in your business. Its called the cost of doing business and its now time to step up your game. You want to chose wisely, don’t go giving your hard earned cash over to just anyone. Do some homework, pick a new place, pay for an ad and most of all, track your results. If it doesn’t work then dump it and try a different one. Try the high end glossy website with expensive ads, try the down and dirty classified ad style site. See what works for you. Be aware that everyone else who used that site is also looking for new advertising too and keep that in the back of your mind while you pick out some new places to advertise. The worlds oldest profession isn’t going go away just because one website is gone. That business will migrate somewhere else, you just have to find it. If your regular advertising site went away because of government interference, your potential clients might be a little gun shy as well and not want to come out to play until things calm down, so maybe the next option is better suited for you.

2. Tour

Get the hell out of dodge for a while, try something new. Go to a new town and make a killing. Turn adversity into profit. Chose your city wisely, don’t go where 100 other girls are all flocking to because they are in the same position as you are. Check out some possible 2nd tier cities or maybe even 3rd tier. Be creative hit a few different places or find one and stick to it and turn in into a working vacation. Odds are you need a vacation anyways.

3. Network with other sex workers

Ask your peers what they are doing to weather this storm. Other sex workers can often be your best resource. Don’t copy them outright though or you might find that you no longer get any support or guidance from them. Ask them how they are handling the change, see if you can glean any insight. You might find their answers enlightening.

4.  Try other kinds of work

Always wanted to give exotic dancing a try? Nows your chance! How about looking into web-camming or of you’re really bold look into acting in some adult films. None of that appeals to you? Then how about looking for a real job (provided you don’t already have one) dust off the resume and see what the big bad world has to offer you. It doesn’t have to be forever and no you wont get paid hundreds of dollars an hour but you might make enough to keep  roof over your head and the lights on for a while until you figure out your next steps.

It can be a scary thing when something you’ve come to rely such as advertising on is suddenly gone. It can and does happen from time to time, this is good reason to diversify your options moving forward. Never put all your eggs in one basket because this business is ever changing, always under attack and you don’t want to find yourself in a tight spot when then change hits you or your city.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, Hypno-Domme and former GFE Escort

Follow Jenny DeMilo on Twitter

How to spend your advertising dollars

PWoman-holding-bag-of-money-via-Shutterstockaying for advertising sucks, but it is necessary. All successful business pay for advertising and sex work is no different from any other business. Spending your money wisely.. now thats the hard part. It’s hard to know what works and what doesn’t and there’s a lot of superstition involved in sex work advertising. Especially because where you are getting your clients from is often hard to know.  As a result people tend to keep ads up that are not working for them just because they always had them or out of fear that if they make a change their work will slow. Remember just because you like or don’t like a  specific site or because they are friendly to sex workers ( they all should be as you are their clients)  is not reason to keep yourself off it or put yourself on a specific website. You are in this business to make money and advertising is a business decision. If the money you invest in ads pays off then it’s a good investment, if its not paying off how you want then you need to find something that works better for you. A lot of trial and error is involved in sex work advertising, a lot. Set yourself a monthly budget and get to putting up and tracking your ads. Keep in mind that spending your hard earned cash wisely is the key.. so here are some tips to help you get more for your advertising dollar.

1. Track your web hits: Do this! Seriously do it now, right now. Tracking your web hits will often give you the best picture of how people are finding you. What keywords / search terms they are using to find your clip site, your escort site, your blog, etc. Where are you getting link referrals.  (Protip: this is also a good way to see who’s sharing your files if you are a clip producer) If you are paying a company big bucks for an ad and no one is clicking over from that site to your site, then you’re not spending your money well. Not at all, not one wee little bit. You must use all the tools available to you and tracking your web hits is A number one.

2. Ask your clients: Be aware that they often don’t know, cant remember or just plain will lie  about it but it never hurts to ask. When I would get a phone calls, I would always ask “Where did you see my ad?” Often they would say some site I wasn’t listed on cuz they can be stupid, but a lot of the time they would tell me where they actually saw my ad and if i was real lucky what they liked about my ad and why they were moved to call. Bonus! Asking where your ad was found is also a good way to track your bullshit callers too. If the time-wasters are always telling you they saw you on site X well then maybe its time to take your ad off that site. Its not doing you any good and in fact its wasting your time. d=Dealing with time wasters all the time contributes to sex worker burn out in a big way.

01USDA wise veteran escort friend of mine told me way back in the day when I was a baby ho how to figure out where to place my ads and it holds true today, maybe even more so. Do a Google search as if you were a client looking for an escort to see. Google: Escorts, Los Angeles or Escorts, Washington DC or escorts and whatever city/state you happen to be working in. Now look at those sites, you should have a presence on most of them. There will be a mix of junk sites, mall sites and review sites. So take a little time and look them over. Someone is always trying to capitalize on what they think is escort cash cow money so there are new sites popping up all the time, many in fact most never last. Make sure a site has been around a while and is established, look over who else is on the site, anyone you know? Anyone you respect? Does it look like a slapped together directory with stolen photos? Weed out the crap and hone it down to the solid options.  If something offers a free ad and in the top 10 search returns and looks reputable then it might be worth sticking an ad up there and see what happens. If there’s a splashy mall site with a solid reputation in the top 10 then maybe its time to see about what they have to offer, if there’s a review site in the mix and you are a reviewed escort that allows reviews maybe its time to step up a little participation. All things to think about. If that review site has an ad section, get a price list. Then do a cost benefit analysis. If i spend X, i expect to make X in return. Then track as best you can those results. If it pays off great take that ad out again. If it doesn’t then cancel that ad. Remember the Internet is ever changing so you want to fine tune your potential ads all the time. A site that seems great may stop working and its time to move on to something else or maybe a site that under performed made some changes and is performing better so you want to give it a second try. This is an ongoing battle one that you will have to adapt too all the time. It will drive you nuts but its worth the effort and your time.

Do all the free advertising you can and by that I mean, If you like to blog then write a blog, If you like to take pictures of what you had for lunch then get an Instagram, if you enjoy reposting sexy photos give Tumblr a try. Of course tweet but remember this is your work persona and keep that in mind when you are tweeting up a storm. Make sure if you use 3rd party sites that you carefully read their TOS and keep it clean if they require that. You don’t want to get kicked off sites just when your marketing was starting to pay off there.

Find out what works for you. Invest your advertising dollars wisely. Then go out there and bring home the bacon.