Category Archives: Community

Honoring a Fallen Fairy Whore Mother

Last Thursday marked the passing of one of the original Fairy Whore Mothers for this generation of hookers. Robyn Few was a sex worker and an activist for years, and was instrumental in founding both Sex Workers Outreach Project and the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers (December 17). While I did not know her well, and though her death was imminent and expected after a long struggle with cancer, her death deeply shook me up. I only met Robyn a handful of times, and admittedly did not know her at the best time of her life. I’ve been struggling to find a way to describe the impact she had on my life despite the brief personal interactions we actually had. She was closer to people that I am close to. But much of my work is a continuation of hers, and she was the matriarch of our sex work activist family. With all the complications and dysfunction that could possibly entail.

The first time I met her I was still fairly new to sex work activism, and she greeted me like she did so many of us. With a solo cup full of joints extended in offering. We were surrounded by other sex workers and sex work activists, and Robyn was full of nothing but joy and hope for most of that weekend. During one particularly memorable conversation I asked her advice about dealing with difficulties in activism, and specifically difficulties in working with other sex workers. Her response was “those who can, must.” I was extremely frustrated at the time, because what I wanted was someone to hold my hand and give me a checklist of things to do to fix my city, and subsequently the world. But her words stuck with me, and I revisited them later with her. I don’t remember her exact phrasing, which is probably related to the solo cup filled with joints, but it was something along the lines of that those of us who have something to give, must help to the capacity that we are able. And we also need to recognize when we just can’t give or help anymore. But it is a philosophy that has stuck with me. It’s part of what drives me every day to do hours of unpaid labor. Because I can. And because it needs to be done. And because many of those who would benefit most cannot do it for a myriad of reasons.

We live complicated lives, and everyone leaves a complex legacy. Too often sex workers fade into a long list of dead hookers, another name that we now read on December 17. Robyn helped build the foundations for a community of sex workers and activists for sex workers rights that lives on past her own lifetime. And by striving to make sure that sex workers lives were valued instead of erased, that we could turn to each other for help and support, and that the institutional harms done against us every goddamn day might be eradicated, or at least improved, she left a legacy that will not be forgotten. And she inspired a new generation of hookers and activists that will keep on fighting. I cannot think of a better way to be remembered.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

You Are Not A Special Fucking Snowflake

You are not the first person to do this. You are part of a long line of hookers and performers who have been in this industry and changing this industry since the beginning of history. You are not unique. You are not special. You’re not the first or the only. Chances are good, especially if you’re reading this, that you’re not the best, the worst, the smartest, or the dumbest either. You are not a special fucking snowflake. The sex industry can be extremely isolating. It can feel like you’re the only person in the world who is writing ads, filming smut, or fucking strangers for money. Without a community, it can feel like you’re all on your own. But you’re not. You are running a small business – not reinventing the industry. Don’t turn your entire twitter or blog into a navel gazing self-celebration. Don’t assume that your life and your work are compelling on their own. Don’t fuck over other girls. Don’t assume you can act however you damn well please without consequences. Don’t assume that you know everything. And for fucks sake, don’t get complacent.

This industry is constantly changing, with new technology, new challenges, new opportunities, and new people every single day. And it goes on with or without you. I don’t care who you are, how hot you are, how talented you are, or how even how hard you’ve worked. This industry does not revolve around you.

Don’t worry, there’s a pep talk in here. Because this takes a lot of pressure off of you. You don’t have to be the expert on everything. You get to explore and learn new things. And you get to put aside the adolescent angst that tells you no one understands you. Seriously, give it up. When you don’t think of yourself as the sparkliest, prettiest, hottest shit in the world, you can be yourself and succeed in your own game. You know what else happens? You get to tap into a community of expertise, support, and friendship.

But you have to set aside your ego. And you have to set aside your insecurities. And in case you were wondering, it is in fact blatantly obvious how intertwined the two are. Let them go. Replace them with healthy, sustainable, and flexible self-esteem. It’s better for you, better for business, and better for the whole community.

I can tell you from personal experience that connecting with other sex workers changed my life, both personally and professionally. Everything I post here were lessons I learned the hard way. And all of it was completely avoidable. When I connected with a community of sex workers it changed my attitude, my work practices, my personal life, and my day-to-day life all for the better. I talk a lot about community because it has made my life so much better in so many ways. And I want to give that back. That’s why I’m writing here.

At Fairy Whore Mother we have years of experience between us. But we also have a sense of humility and openness. We learn from each other and from others – both within and outside of the industry. And that’s how we keep going, keep innovating, and keep building. You aren’t the first. You aren’t the last. And you aren’t the only sparkling star on the market. That should be a good thing.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Dealing with Trolls While Camming – Part 2

If you haven’t read the first part of this little series, we covered some basic survival tips on how to keep your sanity when encountering scumbags, jerks and generally rude people when you cam. For the second part, I sent out some interview questions to a few chathosts that I think are interesting, fun and most importantly, good at what they do. I wanted to share their perspective on dodging the trolls. (I asked each host the same questions, and chose snippets from their answers. I encourage you to read each host’s full detailed response to ALL the questions by visiting the link after their quote for some REALLY good advice from seasoned pros.)

And now I’d like to introduce you to our fabulous interviewees!


The lovely Ava Doll, who cams for Streamate:

Ava Doll“It’s all about finding your own way to deal with people in your chat room who are rude or mean. I make it clear in my room, for instance, that I will tolerate people saying anything to me or about me in free chat (if I don’t cry or get upset and either laugh or talk dirty back to a troller, they either get bored and leave or buy one of my shows) but no one is allowed to criticize or judge another person’s fantasy in my chat. I secretly like when a new person comes into my room, calls me a whore and I either fire right back and say, “Good morning, asshole” or “Mmmmm…. god daddy, I love when you call me a whore” and more times than not, I have a new paying fan. I think I’m lucky when it comes to trolls because I already am a dirty talking, filthy cum whore who loves to beg for it, so it’s just natural for me.
If someone is making nasty comments about you, I like to remind them that this is the internet, there is something out there for everyone. If I’m not it, then I wish them all the best in finding whoever is.”

Read Ava Doll’s entire interview here:


The ever-handsome Boyhous, who currently cams for Cam4:

“You pretty much covered all the bases and I agree with the entire article. The analogy of a chat room being similar to a call center is dead on. It’s the same “customer service” principles but different environments. Call center Boyhousreps try to “turn the difficult ones around” or even think that “difficult people aren’t challenges..they’re opportunities”. Great! But that doesn’t usually work in a cam chat room. Best defense as stated is to ignore, block, and ban….or all the above reasons already mentioned.
… I don’t put up with ANY bullshit. Zero tolerance. No second chances. NONE. And the same applies for any disrespect to myself OR my fans during a show. I want a positive environment for everyone..a place to have fun and be comfortable. That means no annoyances. No distractions. When possible I’ll always try to have a room moderator to kick, silence, block, or ban those that can’t play fair. Unfortunately these idiots will always be there… and it’s impossible to rid them all. How can any broadcaster try to control them AND give a show at the same time? It’s impossible. It’s like playing Tetris trying to keep up with the amount of assholes. Room mods are GOLD for this reason. Then you’re able to focus your attention and energy where it should go.”

Read Boyhous’ entire interview here.


And the gorgeous Diamond James, another fantastic Streamate host:

Diamond James“… It depends on my mood whether I ban with no comment or choose to joke with the room about the troll. Either way, I always keep a smile on my face.  🙂
Trolls and rude people in general come with the territory of putting yourself out there on the internet. You just have to accept it and move past it. Being a cam girl or any other public figure requires a thick skin. If you don’t have a thick skin, camming may not be the best job for you. You must have inner self confidence and a good sense of self to be in this business. You must emotionally separate your persona from the real you, even if they are almost the same. The trolls will never go away but the more you ignore them, the less they will try and bother you.”

Read Diamond James’ entire interview here.


I was chatting with my favorite super sexy creature of the night, Jenn Vegas on twitter and she had this to say. (I didn’t officially interview her but her view was so fiery that I just had to include her quote!)

JenniferVegas“I have no shame in booting someone if they disrespect me and especially if they disrespect regulars. You will show me respect or you will see the door. That’s my suggestion just ban them with a smile on your face and move on.”
(She also noted that she has over 100 people on her banned list and says that she has no tolerance for bullshit in her room. Working as a Domme and a fetish provider on Streamate, she absolutely demands respect from her subjects, and she gets it!)




I loved getting feedback from other people that deal with the same kind of interesting folk that I do each day, it really solidified what I already felt to be true: that a good foundation of self confidence and self respect is key for anyone to be successful in this business and to dodge the trolls along the way. Whether you’re a camhost, phone sex operator, Domme or pornstar; know who you are and your worth, set boundaries (and stick to them) and do what feels right and feels good. You can’t go wrong with that, in my book.

I’d love to hear about your tips and tricks for dealing with cam trolls, leave ’em in the comments!


Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina

The Real Competition Is In The Mirror

There is a prevailing attitude in the sex industry that we need to view each other as competition. This is based on the model that there is a finite amount of customers, and therefore a finite amount of money to be had*. This creates a situation that if one sex worker is making money – it’s money that could have been ours. It puts us on separate teams as it were, and isolates us in this industry even further than we already are.

I think this model is bullshit.

I firmly believe that this system benefits everyone except us as sex workers. It makes people scared to share skills or resources. It gives customers the power to pit us against one another, and that can create dangerous and unhealthy situations. Resources are not finite. Customers are not in limited quantity. And we are not each others enemies (most of the time). One sex worker’s success is not taking money out of your wallet. No one is “stealing” clients from you. Your work secrets are probably not actually secrets. And there’s a lot to be happy about in that. Most of us operate within the model that this is a business of personality. Whether the persona you are presenting is genuine, contrived, or somewhere in between, it’s YOUR persona. No one else has it, because no one else can. No one on this earth sucks cock exactly like you do. No one else on cam has your laugh. No one makes the exact same orgasm screams. No one’s hand leaves the same imprint on your client’s ass when you spank them. Whatever field of this industry you work in – there is something about YOU that your clients connect with. It puts more responsibility on us. You’re the only one who can gain your own customers. And you’re the only one who can lose your customers. Frankly, clients rarely if ever see only one sex worker throughout their lives. And that’s ok. It can be good for us. Having a community network where we share information leads to easier sharing of clients. Or at the very least access to a wider base of clients. And that means more clients for everyone! Which means more money for everyone! We can’t build that if we only see each other as competitors.

In my experience working together actually leads to more business, more opportunities, and that which we all care about, more money. It leads to cross promotion, sharing of skills, openings for parties, events, or doubles sessions, and all in all a better working environment. It’s more fun. You get to share ideas and experiences. You can laugh together about the absurdities of the industry. And you get to have positive feelings about your colleagues instead of wallowing in the negativity that this industry can breed. That said – not everyone agrees with this. And there’s some cutthroat workers out there who will not take kindly to this collective working philosophy. Don’t waste your time or energy on them.

There is only one bitch I am in constant competition with – Me. I want to one-up my production value and income every day and every month. Frankly, I don’t give a damn about comparing myself to anyone else. It’s none of my business. Literally.

*I can’t speak to work environments like brothels or strip clubs where there are in fact a certain number of clients in one night. I’ve never worked in those environments, so I don’t want to make assumptions about that side of the industry. I would love to hear from people who have about competitive atmospheres though!


Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Dealing with Trolls While Camming – Part 1

If you haven’t watched this video of the distraught cam model losing her shit over some seriously abusive trolls in her free chat area, it’s worth a look. Disturbing, but certainly worth a look.
Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Back? Ok. A little like watching a train wreck, right? Yes, I thought so too. I’m not going to go into a full-on dissertation/dissection on that video specifically, but I thought this would be a perfect time to talk about dealing with abusive cam customers in a free-chat camming environment.

I cam for Streamate and after doing some research, so does the woman in that video. If you’re not familiar with that setup, here’s how that platform works: you have a free-chat area where customers can come in, talk with you, see the goods and decide if they would like to take you “private”. We are not allowed to show nudity in free chat (although some girls do, that’s a post all on it’s own for another time) but we can talk with the guys (or girls) about what we will and won’t do in “private” for their show. In addition to that, we have a whole profile we can fill out to outline what we offer and what our limits/specialties are. I liken it to a customer service call center: you have no idea who will come in or when and what the hell they might say. And like a call center, it’s assumed that we are to be appeasing and generally happy to interact with the customer since we are in fact, selling something: our time in “private”. It is, obviously, how we make money.
This revolving door of thousands of random clients can make it a hotbed for trolls, assholes and morons. They are totally anonymous, save for a screen name and they can read all about us but we have no info on them. I’ve managed to implement a few practices to keep the assholes at bay and wanted to share them with you so hopefully you can keep the trollage to a minimum.

  1. The rude ones are NOT your customer base. 

    This is something that I think girls are not understanding. When was the last time that an abusive customer became a paying customer? I’ll bet it was the day after never. Pay attention next time, I think once you realize that they are just taking your precious time away from the good, paying clients that deserve and want your attention, you’ll be much better prepared and willing to deal with them properly.
  2. Learn to recognize the signs of abusive language before it starts to get ugly.
    “SHOW ASS NOW ”, “I want to make you my bitch.”, “I’m gonna make you cry.”, “Give me a preview of what you got for me first before I pay you anything.” These are all phrases that make me cringe and will I ignore the hell out of any guy who utters anything like that. If a customer gets super ignorant and aggressive right away, it will only get worse. DO NOT ENGAGE. See number 3.

    If only they were this good looking…
    Usually when I ignore their initial shitty comments, they either change their tone or they leave. If I start to call them an asshole or argue with them, I’m doing two things; encouraging them to keep the vitriol coming (it’s probably getting them off and I damn sure don’t entertain kinks for free, bitches) and I’m making it uncomfortable for the other guys (the respectful and fun ones) in the room who are there to have sexy times with me (the kinds I actually want). That may scare the good customers off and there goes my money, right out of the room.
  4. If ignoring them doesn’t work, KICK THEIR SORRY ASSES THE FUCK OUT.
    Still spewing garbage at you? Your “KICK” button is like virtual pepper spray, USE IT. It feels awesome, I promise you. Give them a sunny “Goodbye, sweetie!” and kick them out with a smile (and it will kill them that they didn’t piss you off). Most will get the hint and never return but there are a rare few that may come back. These morons need to be permanently blocked.

In all the years I’ve been camming, I’ve only had to put a permanent block on three people by using these methods. Three. And I take a lot less bullshit than most girls. Most trolls, when not fed, will go find greener pastures to graze on if you are diligent with not giving them what they want: your undivided attention. I hope some of this has helped. Just remember, the assholes and jerks are hardly EVER going to give you a dime, so get rid of them as quickly as possible so you can focus on the guys who really do want to play with you and give you their money. It’ll save your sanity and you’ll be much happier for it.

In part two of Dealing with Trolls while Camming, I’ll share with you some insight I’ve gotten from some fantastic cam hosts who in my opinion, handle negative comments and equally negative customers extremely well. Plus, well, they’re gorgeous and awesome and any reason to interview them is A-OK by me!

 Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina