Tag Archives: Lauren Kiley

Before You Get Naked On The Internet…

imageOnline based sex work, such as fetish clips and webcamming, is attractive for a lot of reasons. It can be done with just a webcam and an internet connection. You can do it in the comfort of your own home. And you can have as much or as little contact with clients as you want.

But that doesn’t mean it’s all lying around in cozy lingerie and watching the sales emails roll in. It’s WORK.

In the past couple years I’ve helped a lot of people set up their first fetish clips studios. More accurately – I’ve given a lot of people the lessons & tools to do so, complete with filming their first clips. But I’ve also gone out of my way to help people who haven’t done their homework. And that’s not cool. It’s a waste of my time and theirs. This is a guide I rather accidentally compiled from emails I’ve sent to people asking the same questions.

These are the things you need to do BEFORE you open your studio and BEFORE you come to me or Sydney to help you get up and running. We’ve talked a lot about making money filming clips. But we’ve been catering to people already in sex work or perform as fetish models in some capacity. This is more basic. These are the things you need to do FIRST.

1. Choose a hooker name. Don’t even talk to me about filming until you know what you want to call you on camera and the name of your store. Take your time, because you’re kind of stuck with it, but figure it out.

This is also a good place to start developing your Hooker Persona. For a lot of people it’s a fairly organic process, but it’s worth putting some thought into. Are you an evil cunt who lives to cause pain? Sexual being of pure energy whose kink transcends gender? A deliberately generic horny slut who likes getting off on camera. A lot of this will be determined by how your clients perceive you, and will evolve over time, but having a basic idea of how you want to present yourself is helpful.

2. What do you want to do? What are you willing to do? Live webcamming? Filming porn? Filming fetish porn? Check out the major sites –  www.streamate.comwww.niteflirt.com, and of course, www.clips4sale.com. See what it takes and what it looks like. Browse the categories. See what sells. See where you might fit in. Then think about what you want to do in greater detail, and perhaps just as importantly, what you DON’T want to do.

I can’t emphasize boundaries enough. They will be pushed consistently and often unexpectedly. Common requests include: nudity, masturbation, anal play/sex, sex toys, tickling, sucking of toes, domination, submission, gay humiliation, racial humiliation, peeing, filming/camming with other people, and some things you never would have imagined. It’s much easier to navigate if you have set your personal boundaries ahead of time.

The #1 priority is to take care of yourself – which will be more emotionally centered with solitary digital based work. Pushing your boundaries out of desperation can lead to extremely dangerous situations. That’s a totally privileged position and there’s a lot of political shit inherent in saying that, but highly applicable to the majority our audience here. Don’t put up with shit you’re not ok with just because you might make a few bucks off of it.

3. Do the paperwork. If you’re not ok with sites like the aforementioned having your legal information or records of your income, stop now. Otherwise, get yourself to a scanner or fax machine. Fill out their forms. Scan your IDs. Send in your tax forms. Whatever else it takes to get approved (it’s been a while… I don’t remember the specifics.) It usually takes a couple days to get approved, but you can keep working to be ready for launch while you wait!

4. How out are you ok being? Are you ok showing your face? Are you ok with your parents, friends, co-workers, future lovers, or future employers finding out? Or at least prepared for that possibility? Once your image hits the internet, especially in a sexy porny context, you can pretty much consider it immortalized. There’s no going back. You can get a lot of distance and erase as much as possible… but the internet has a long memory.

5. Know the Deal. In my experience the money I make from online based sex work is directly proportional to the time and effort I put into it. This is a slow burn kind of field. Each clip you sell will earn you about $3-$5 on average, but that can start to really add up over time. You may have 4 shitty hours on cam and then have an hour long private that rains tips on you. And either way you usually won’t see that money immediately unless you’re working independently, which I know too little about to give good advice on.

Payouts for clips sites generally happen monthly. Cam sites generally pay either weekly or bi-weekly. Are you able to sustain yourself on that? And both will take a significant percentage of your total sales. Look up how much and set your prices accordingly.

It takes both hard work and a bit of patience. It takes a while to build a customer base, especially in a niche market. You won’t make a boat load of money quickly. But you can lay the foundation for sustainable and relatively passive income down the line.

Congratulations! You made it this far! You’ve set up your studio/cam profile and are ready to start earning those sweet paychecks! Now get your sexy butt/feet/mouth on camera!

And while you’re editing / updating come back here and read these:

4 Easy Ways To Increase Your Clip Sales

Dealing With Rolls While Camming Part 1

Make More Money From Fetish Clips

Consistency Is Key

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

I Can Tell That We Are Going To Be Friends

lovewhoreIt’s about to get real kumbaya in here. Roll your eyes all you want, but I stand by this.

Make friends with other sex workers. And make your friends a priority.

This will do more than save your sanity, it will improve your life immeasurably.

Most other jobs have some sort of workplace socialization or at the very least, interactions with your colleagues, in place. But sex work can be lonely, isolating, and confusing. Not only do people outside the industry not understand what you do for work, but they have preconceived notions and judgments to work through as well. And those friends are lovely and valuable as well.

But sometimes you need to be around people who intimately understand the work part of your life. You need to vent and bitch about work without having to explain yourself. You need to celebrate small successes along the way that your colleagues can relate to. You need to be able to laugh about your job.

Your friends will help keep you grounded and keep things in perspective. And that happens not just because they’re there for you, but because you give back to them. Listening to others’ stories and challenges within the sex industries can be powerful lessons.

I throw the words “solidarity” and “community” around a lot. But the places I’ve found them to be strongest have been through my friendships with other sex workers.

It’s not always in the grand gestures (though sometimes it is that too). It’s having drinks and laughing together about an absurd session. It’s crying on their shoulders when the internalized ho-shame crashes down on you for no reason. It’s listening sympathetically to them rage when they accidentally stumble on an anti-sex work blog and hate read it all morning.

It’s dreaming up a website to combat all the bad advice out there over margaritas. And then making it happen.

Naturally, I think that if sex workers had more resources to come together, support each other, and combine forces, we could solve a good deal of the worlds’ problems. I also think that we can start working on all that over brunch with copious amounts of muffins and champagne. That’s sort of the cornerstone of my politics.

Not convinced? Oh fine, you selfish bitch.

Making friends is a good business decision too. You fans will think it’s cool and sexy when you tweet photos of yourself hanging out with porn stars. You’ll learn about new kinks from your pro-Domme buddies. And you’ll have a wider network of people you can trust to work doubles with.

Not to mention you get to see your hot friends in sexy clothes… or no clothes… on a regular basis.

Be a good person. Be good to your communities. Be good to other sex workers.

Don’t be this asshole. These assholes don’t get invitations to the next Ho’ Down BBQ Picnic.


Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

5 Strategies for Dealing With Burnout

This is a “do as I say, not as I do” post. I basically disappeared from the internet for a while, and hadn’t even realized how exhausted I was. Like, existentially exhausted. I was incapable of doing much else besides compulsively read romance novels on my couch. It turns out that flying across the country on the regular for a few months, working 3 jobs at any given time (especially when not all of them pay!), and trying to lead a semi-normal grown up life will take a toll on the body and mind. Who would have thought, huh? Burn out is especially important for sex workers to recognize and have strategies for. Our work is especially emotionally taxing, especially with the added pressures of social stigma and shame that we bear. Many of us have to deal with it from time to time. Here are some strategies I’ve learned from NOT utilizing them. It seems like common sense, but is amazingly hard when you’re in the thick of it.

1. Recognize  – the sooner you see burn out (or sickness, depression, injury, or whatever you’re struggling with) for what it is, the sooner you can address it effectively. Not sure why you’re angry or unhappy? Check in with someone who knows you well. Jenny told me months ago that I was putting too much pressure on myself and working like a crazy person. I should have listened to her. (#ProTip: Jenny is always right, and the world would run more smoothly if people listened to her).

2. Break – If you can afford to, stop working for a while. This is much easier if you’ve managed to save some funds for just such an occasion, which I highly recommend. Doing sex work while you’re desperate or unhappy is especially miserable, and can even be dangerous. Or even just unfeasible as clients can sense insincerity and generally won’t spend as much money when you’re unhappy with your work. This is obviously not a viable option for everyone, but if you have the opportunity take it.

Stuffed Pumpkin with homemade bread chunks, gruyere cheese, herbs, lentils, and pepitas.

3. Cook – One of the biggest red flags that I’m not doing well is the loss of my appetite. Usually I can eat a prodigious amount at any given moment, but when I’m not healthy (physically or emotionally) I stop eating. Cooking, and taking the time to cook elaborate meals, is something I enjoy and forces me to take care of basic nutritional needs. I’ll be damned if I let a meal that’s taken a couple hours is going to go to waste, whether I feel like eating or not. Plus, routines can be immensely comforting, even if it’s as small as eating dinner every night.

4. Brag – Sometimes taking a shower, sending an email, or putting on pants can be a major victory in the day. And sharing those accomplishments can feel damn good. Miss Darling and I started texting each other occasionally with our achievements, and the results were pretty amazing. Knowing that someone is cheering you on can be immensely empowering. And validation of your work, no matter how small you may think it is, feels fucking great.

5. Cuddle – If you don’t have a pet, borrow someone else’s. My turtle, Walter, isn’t very cuddly, so I went to go visit the cat I lived with for several years (who now lives with my old roommate). There are scientific studies that indicate pets are good for therapy, and anecdotally I can say that it’s definitely true. Find a cuddly friend, get your snuggle pants on, and get down to some fluffy nuzzle business!

Duchess got fat over the past few years. But still as warm and purry and beautiful as ever!


For those more visually oriented – or need a constant reminder above your desk – I recommend this adorable poster with good advice from Annie Sprinkle. It echoes a lot of what I had to say, because this is not a new problem, but has illustrations of naked ladies to back it up.

How To Cure Sex Worker Burn Out Poster (PDF)

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Honoring a Fallen Fairy Whore Mother

Last Thursday marked the passing of one of the original Fairy Whore Mothers for this generation of hookers. Robyn Few was a sex worker and an activist for years, and was instrumental in founding both Sex Workers Outreach Project and the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers (December 17). While I did not know her well, and though her death was imminent and expected after a long struggle with cancer, her death deeply shook me up. I only met Robyn a handful of times, and admittedly did not know her at the best time of her life. I’ve been struggling to find a way to describe the impact she had on my life despite the brief personal interactions we actually had. She was closer to people that I am close to. But much of my work is a continuation of hers, and she was the matriarch of our sex work activist family. With all the complications and dysfunction that could possibly entail.

The first time I met her I was still fairly new to sex work activism, and she greeted me like she did so many of us. With a solo cup full of joints extended in offering. We were surrounded by other sex workers and sex work activists, and Robyn was full of nothing but joy and hope for most of that weekend. During one particularly memorable conversation I asked her advice about dealing with difficulties in activism, and specifically difficulties in working with other sex workers. Her response was “those who can, must.” I was extremely frustrated at the time, because what I wanted was someone to hold my hand and give me a checklist of things to do to fix my city, and subsequently the world. But her words stuck with me, and I revisited them later with her. I don’t remember her exact phrasing, which is probably related to the solo cup filled with joints, but it was something along the lines of that those of us who have something to give, must help to the capacity that we are able. And we also need to recognize when we just can’t give or help anymore. But it is a philosophy that has stuck with me. It’s part of what drives me every day to do hours of unpaid labor. Because I can. And because it needs to be done. And because many of those who would benefit most cannot do it for a myriad of reasons.

We live complicated lives, and everyone leaves a complex legacy. Too often sex workers fade into a long list of dead hookers, another name that we now read on December 17. Robyn helped build the foundations for a community of sex workers and activists for sex workers rights that lives on past her own lifetime. And by striving to make sure that sex workers lives were valued instead of erased, that we could turn to each other for help and support, and that the institutional harms done against us every goddamn day might be eradicated, or at least improved, she left a legacy that will not be forgotten. And she inspired a new generation of hookers and activists that will keep on fighting. I cannot think of a better way to be remembered.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Clockwatching For Pros

As sex workers, we charge our clients for our time. Whether we have clients for an hour or charge by the minute, we need to be aware of how much time is passing. At the same time clients understandably are not comfortable or happy with “clockwatchers” who are so focused on the time that they aren’t paying attention to their service. So how do we keep track of time without obsessing over every moment?

1. Playlist

Make a playlist that lasts about as long as you want your session to last. This works well for just about every situation. Have a sensual GFE escorting session? Put together 1 hour and 50 minutes of songs that set a romantic, intimate atmosphere. Doing a gold show striptease? Make an 18 minute playlist of dance music. Basically – shave a couple minutes off your total session/show time for conversation and leeway, set your atmosphere, and when the music stops you know things are wrapping up.

As a bonus you can use your playlist to set the tone and rhythm to your session. You can set the pace as to when things heat up, speed up, and wind down. When you know your music well, you can follow it in your head and know about how much time has past and how much you have left.

2. Safe call

This is good advice for both time and safety. Tell someone where you’re going and how long you expect to be there. When I worked for an agency – this was automatically built into my appointments. I called when I arrived, which signaled the start of the appointment (as well as told them I was ok and comfortable – or that I wasn’t and was leaving) and five minutes before the end of the appointment I received a call asking if we were extending the session or not. If I didn’t answer or call back within fifteen minutes they would know I was in crisis and call the cops. You can recreate that with a friend or colleague.

3. Alarm

You can also fake a safe call with the use of the alarm clock app on your phone. You can set it to sound like a ringtone, fake answer the phone, and let the client or producer think that someone is looking out for you. It’s not ideal, but it will keep you on track of time, and perhaps give you an extra layer of security.

4. Stopwatch

This really only works for sex work that doesn’t occur in person. But when I am in a private show on cam I have a stopwatch next to the computer so I can easily see how much time is passing. It’s easier than trying to do math by the clock and helps me keep a good rhythm for the show – which can also extend a show by a couple minutes – which increases your income! On the phone it’s super easy because, well, most cell phones tell you how long your call has lasted and all you have to do is check it. Skype does the same thing.

5. Convenient Placement

If you hate all those options and have the option of designing your own incall – put lots of clocks in convenient places that you can check without being obvious. You can make them pretty so it’s not blatant that your room is designed for a session to run like clockwork. You can also use mirrors to reflect the time around the room if you know where to look. And you will know – the clients won’t. Test your room out to see if you can see the time in a variety of locations and positions around the room.

After a while most people develop an internal clock and can mentally keep track of time. For some of us, keeping track of time is a challenge. I rely on gadgets and tricks because my brain doesn’t do it for me. Know your weaknesses and find ways to work around them.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.