Category Archives: Community

The Real Competition Is In The Mirror

There is a prevailing attitude in the sex industry that we need to view each other as competition. This is based on the model that there is a finite amount of customers, and therefore a finite amount of money to be had*. This creates a situation that if one sex worker is making money – it’s money that could have been ours. It puts us on separate teams as it were, and isolates us in this industry even further than we already are.

I think this model is bullshit.

I firmly believe that this system benefits everyone except us as sex workers. It makes people scared to share skills or resources. It gives customers the power to pit us against one another, and that can create dangerous and unhealthy situations. Resources are not finite. Customers are not in limited quantity. And we are not each others enemies (most of the time). One sex worker’s success is not taking money out of your wallet. No one is “stealing” clients from you. Your work secrets are probably not actually secrets. And there’s a lot to be happy about in that. Most of us operate within the model that this is a business of personality. Whether the persona you are presenting is genuine, contrived, or somewhere in between, it’s YOUR persona. No one else has it, because no one else can. No one on this earth sucks cock exactly like you do. No one else on cam has your laugh. No one makes the exact same orgasm screams. No one’s hand leaves the same imprint on your client’s ass when you spank them. Whatever field of this industry you work in – there is something about YOU that your clients connect with. It puts more responsibility on us. You’re the only one who can gain your own customers. And you’re the only one who can lose your customers. Frankly, clients rarely if ever see only one sex worker throughout their lives. And that’s ok. It can be good for us. Having a community network where we share information leads to easier sharing of clients. Or at the very least access to a wider base of clients. And that means more clients for everyone! Which means more money for everyone! We can’t build that if we only see each other as competitors.

In my experience working together actually leads to more business, more opportunities, and that which we all care about, more money. It leads to cross promotion, sharing of skills, openings for parties, events, or doubles sessions, and all in all a better working environment. It’s more fun. You get to share ideas and experiences. You can laugh together about the absurdities of the industry. And you get to have positive feelings about your colleagues instead of wallowing in the negativity that this industry can breed. That said – not everyone agrees with this. And there’s some cutthroat workers out there who will not take kindly to this collective working philosophy. Don’t waste your time or energy on them.

There is only one bitch I am in constant competition with – Me. I want to one-up my production value and income every day and every month. Frankly, I don’t give a damn about comparing myself to anyone else. It’s none of my business. Literally.

*I can’t speak to work environments like brothels or strip clubs where there are in fact a certain number of clients in one night. I’ve never worked in those environments, so I don’t want to make assumptions about that side of the industry. I would love to hear from people who have about competitive atmospheres though!

 

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Dealing with Trolls While Camming – Part 1

If you haven’t watched this video of the distraught cam model losing her shit over some seriously abusive trolls in her free chat area, it’s worth a look. Disturbing, but certainly worth a look.
Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Back? Ok. A little like watching a train wreck, right? Yes, I thought so too. I’m not going to go into a full-on dissertation/dissection on that video specifically, but I thought this would be a perfect time to talk about dealing with abusive cam customers in a free-chat camming environment.

I cam for Streamate and after doing some research, so does the woman in that video. If you’re not familiar with that setup, here’s how that platform works: you have a free-chat area where customers can come in, talk with you, see the goods and decide if they would like to take you “private”. We are not allowed to show nudity in free chat (although some girls do, that’s a post all on it’s own for another time) but we can talk with the guys (or girls) about what we will and won’t do in “private” for their show. In addition to that, we have a whole profile we can fill out to outline what we offer and what our limits/specialties are. I liken it to a customer service call center: you have no idea who will come in or when and what the hell they might say. And like a call center, it’s assumed that we are to be appeasing and generally happy to interact with the customer since we are in fact, selling something: our time in “private”. It is, obviously, how we make money.
This revolving door of thousands of random clients can make it a hotbed for trolls, assholes and morons. They are totally anonymous, save for a screen name and they can read all about us but we have no info on them. I’ve managed to implement a few practices to keep the assholes at bay and wanted to share them with you so hopefully you can keep the trollage to a minimum.

  1. The rude ones are NOT your customer base. 

    This is something that I think girls are not understanding. When was the last time that an abusive customer became a paying customer? I’ll bet it was the day after never. Pay attention next time, I think once you realize that they are just taking your precious time away from the good, paying clients that deserve and want your attention, you’ll be much better prepared and willing to deal with them properly.
  2. Learn to recognize the signs of abusive language before it starts to get ugly.
    “SHOW ASS NOW ”, “I want to make you my bitch.”, “I’m gonna make you cry.”, “Give me a preview of what you got for me first before I pay you anything.” These are all phrases that make me cringe and will I ignore the hell out of any guy who utters anything like that. If a customer gets super ignorant and aggressive right away, it will only get worse. DO NOT ENGAGE. See number 3.

    If only they were this good looking…
  3. DO NOT RESPOND OR ARGUE WITH THEM.
    Usually when I ignore their initial shitty comments, they either change their tone or they leave. If I start to call them an asshole or argue with them, I’m doing two things; encouraging them to keep the vitriol coming (it’s probably getting them off and I damn sure don’t entertain kinks for free, bitches) and I’m making it uncomfortable for the other guys (the respectful and fun ones) in the room who are there to have sexy times with me (the kinds I actually want). That may scare the good customers off and there goes my money, right out of the room.
  4. If ignoring them doesn’t work, KICK THEIR SORRY ASSES THE FUCK OUT.
    Still spewing garbage at you? Your “KICK” button is like virtual pepper spray, USE IT. It feels awesome, I promise you. Give them a sunny “Goodbye, sweetie!” and kick them out with a smile (and it will kill them that they didn’t piss you off). Most will get the hint and never return but there are a rare few that may come back. These morons need to be permanently blocked.

In all the years I’ve been camming, I’ve only had to put a permanent block on three people by using these methods. Three. And I take a lot less bullshit than most girls. Most trolls, when not fed, will go find greener pastures to graze on if you are diligent with not giving them what they want: your undivided attention. I hope some of this has helped. Just remember, the assholes and jerks are hardly EVER going to give you a dime, so get rid of them as quickly as possible so you can focus on the guys who really do want to play with you and give you their money. It’ll save your sanity and you’ll be much happier for it.

In part two of Dealing with Trolls while Camming, I’ll share with you some insight I’ve gotten from some fantastic cam hosts who in my opinion, handle negative comments and equally negative customers extremely well. Plus, well, they’re gorgeous and awesome and any reason to interview them is A-OK by me!


 Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina