Tag Archives: community

I Can Tell That We Are Going To Be Friends

lovewhoreIt’s about to get real kumbaya in here. Roll your eyes all you want, but I stand by this.

Make friends with other sex workers. And make your friends a priority.

This will do more than save your sanity, it will improve your life immeasurably.

Most other jobs have some sort of workplace socialization or at the very least, interactions with your colleagues, in place. But sex work can be lonely, isolating, and confusing. Not only do people outside the industry not understand what you do for work, but they have preconceived notions and judgments to work through as well. And those friends are lovely and valuable as well.

But sometimes you need to be around people who intimately understand the work part of your life. You need to vent and bitch about work without having to explain yourself. You need to celebrate small successes along the way that your colleagues can relate to. You need to be able to laugh about your job.

Your friends will help keep you grounded and keep things in perspective. And that happens not just because they’re there for you, but because you give back to them. Listening to others’ stories and challenges within the sex industries can be powerful lessons.

I throw the words “solidarity” and “community” around a lot. But the places I’ve found them to be strongest have been through my friendships with other sex workers.

It’s not always in the grand gestures (though sometimes it is that too). It’s having drinks and laughing together about an absurd session. It’s crying on their shoulders when the internalized ho-shame crashes down on you for no reason. It’s listening sympathetically to them rage when they accidentally stumble on an anti-sex work blog and hate read it all morning.

It’s dreaming up a website to combat all the bad advice out there over margaritas. And then making it happen.

Naturally, I think that if sex workers had more resources to come together, support each other, and combine forces, we could solve a good deal of the worlds’ problems. I also think that we can start working on all that over brunch with copious amounts of muffins and champagne. That’s sort of the cornerstone of my politics.

Not convinced? Oh fine, you selfish bitch.

Making friends is a good business decision too. You fans will think it’s cool and sexy when you tweet photos of yourself hanging out with porn stars. You’ll learn about new kinks from your pro-Domme buddies. And you’ll have a wider network of people you can trust to work doubles with.

Not to mention you get to see your hot friends in sexy clothes… or no clothes… on a regular basis.

Be a good person. Be good to your communities. Be good to other sex workers.

Don’t be this asshole. These assholes don’t get invitations to the next Ho’ Down BBQ Picnic.


Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Never tell clients your real name

Never tell your clients your real name. This would seem like a no brainer right? Well it’s sadly not. Even I have made this terrible mistake and it yes, it has comeback to bite me in the ass. It bears repeating often and over and over…never give your clients your real name. They always ask, they want to be the special one you trust enough to give your real identity to. Don’t be tempted, don’t fall into the trap of the false sense of security that because you are sharing intimate time with a client that you can trust them and share your name too. You can’t. The self proclaimed hobbyists who review escorts on websites are the worst, they share your name and info like 12 year olds trading baseball cards. Don’t fall prey to the old line about how they had to give you screening info so its only fair you tell them who you are. That is a trap you will have to chew your own paw off to escape.

We come up with stage names to protect ourselves. No matter how comfortable we are with what we do the outside world is still very hard on us and the stigma of being a sex worker is very strong. Once a whore always a whore and no matter how many years pass and how many things you’ve done since you will always be branded a whore by certain groups and people. Keep your identity close to the vest so that you can control the outcome of your life and not be outed by some petty, small, person who has a need to punish you for the choices you make.

There are some things you can do to protect yourself if you’re one of those people who has a hard time telling men you’re getting naked with no. Or you would rather not deal with the whole reasonable conversation where they get all butt hurt when you tell them your very valid reasons for not wanting to share your identity with a man who’s paying you for sex. You can create a back story, you have to think of yourself as an onion with many layers. What you need is a fake real name! Something that sounds normal and plain and most of all you can REMEMBER it. Just as you create your sex worker persona, create the fake real you. Know where the fake you went to college, what state the fake you grew up in, a few small intimate details about the fake you that you can easily tell on the fly when you get cornered about who you really are.

I know it seems like a lot to do and a lot to remember but it will become second nature and it will  save you heartache and headache in the long run if you can rattle off  a few convincing details who who you “really” are.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme


We all hate it when people steal from us. Make your living on the internet or advertise your sex work business on it and you can bet at some point someone will share your files or  steal your photos. It’s depressing and it can seem overwhelming to stay of top of the details of protecting your content but its worth the effort. This is how you make a living and I know it feels like  you’re playing whack-a-mole and you are. It’s a never ending process protecting your content but its part of doing business. Protecting your cash flow matters. I put together a little introduction to protecting your work, I hope you find it helpful.

Send out DMCA take down notices

This is the best thing you do. Send out a DMCA take down notice. Send them out and send them out as soon as you find out your file is being shared on some dirt bag file sharing site or as soon as you find out some body is pretending to be you by using your photos online.  My pal Johnathan over at Plagiarism Today has some stock letters you can use when sending out your notices. In fact read his whole site, there is a lot of great info there.  Remember every site has their own special requirements for a DMCA notice and if you don’t meet them they will ignore your notice. Read their policy and give them the info they want, in the way they want it. Be it email, fax or snail mail. Make sure to include your name address and phone number (I use my Google voice number and my working address) Tell them you are the copyright holder and give them the links they need to remove the content. It’s tedious and annoying but stay on it and send them out, it works. Don’t forget to follow up and send them a second or third or 50th notice if they don’t take action.

Monitor your content

Goggle yourself, set up alerts for your name (remember to include misspellings of your name) and check it all the time. A lot of the time I find out a file is being shared because a fan tells me. I always reward them with a little something for looking out for me, they can be your best resource for finding out your files are being shared. You can also hire a company to monitor your content for you, but that can be expensive. I would do a cost benefit analysis before I went that route, make sure its worth the money you are spending on it. Sometime it is, sometimes its better to do it yourself.

Watermark your content and embed your copyright

I admit it, I’m guilty of not always doing this, especially when I first started out. But don’t make the same mistake I made in the beginning and watermark your shit! It’s important. You can also embed your copyright when creating a Mp3 and add it to the hidden data on your photos. Again it’s time consuming and annoying but make it part of your habit, when you are creating content. Watermark like it’s second nature. Not only is having your watermark good for driving people who might see your stuff somewhere and drive them back to your site to find out more about you, but you can use that in case you get into a fight with some turd site who doesn’t want to remove your content from their site.

People stealing is always going to be a problem but its worth the time and effort to stay on top of your content. I wouldn’t suggest getting into a pissing match with any of these file sharing sites or boards, just do what you need to do behind the scenes. It’s not worth a loud messy frustrating fight or possibly putting a troll target on your back, but it it worth the effort. Make it.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer, Phone Sex Operator and Hypno-Domme.

Being Your Very Own Fairy Whore Mother… or maybe not?

a.k.a, When and How to Help a Fellow Whore and When to Politely Decline.

Now as you know, we over here at Fairy Whore Mother thought there was a severe lack in resources for sex workers in the realm of “How-To” (or in some cases, “How-NOT-To”).  So, being that ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ and all that happy horseshit, add in the fact that we like helping and love our community and VOILA!, you have the awesomeness that is FWM. We also like seeing others reaching out to help one another survive in this crazy business. It really warms our cold, black little hearts. Many sex workers get solicited for advice on how to get into the biz, how to make more money while IN the biz, how to use a new platform/software/website, how to transition into a new sector of the biz… and so on and so forth. If you’ve been in this business for any amount of time at all, I’m sure you’ve been asked any or all of those questions a time or two. (If you haven’t, give it a little time, I’m sure it’s coming.) Giving a little help to a fellow ho (if you want to) can feel really fucking awesome BUT it can also be a big responsibility. Here’s a few things to ask yourself before becoming someone’s Patron Saint of Whoring.

What are your intentions?

Please don’t offer your help to a colleague if you’re only looking to make money off them. If you are starting a legit consulting business, congratulations, go for it. Be upfront about your pricing and do your thing, sugar! But if you’re not and you’re only willing to help others because getting them to sign up with the cam/phone/booty shaking company you work with solely because it gets you a referral bonus? Do us all a favor and don’t. That makes you look pretty damn shady. I’ve recommended the camming platform and clips sites I use because I’ve had good experiences with them and am comfortable suggesting them to others. Referrals are great and you shouldn’t feel guilty for getting them but really, in my opinion it’s not that important and I’ve never done the whole “be sure to tell them I sent you… blah blah blah…” spiel.

Be honest.

If someone has come to you for guidance and you’re inclined to give it, be truthful. I’ve shared my experiences when asked for them and I always try to give real, honest answers. Inflating my own success isn’t going to help anyone earn a proper paycheck if I’m really trying to help someone. Don’t lie about how much you make or how successful you are to someone who is seeking out your help. If you are friendly enough with this person to share something as intimate as your income, be a decent human and be honest. If you’re not comfortable sharing it, don’t. You’re not a bad person if that information feels too personal or intimate to give out and you shouldn’t feel guilty for saying so.

Do you know what you’re talking about?

Please be honest with yourself about your own expertise. If you don’t have enough insight to help another, don’t feel bad in simply saying so. In my experience, people have a really fucking hard time simply saying “I don’t know.” and give whatever dumbass convoluted mashup of wrong information that comes to their minds. There’s no shame in saying, “Sorry, I really am still figuring it all out for myself and may not be the best to help you get started.” You can direct them to someone you think may be better equipped and that is perfectly ok.

Are you willing to tell them ALL they need to know?

If you’re going to give them a little “starter advice” and then give them the sink-or-swim treatment, don’t even bother. Because honestly? You can do way more harm than good. If you’re going to take the responsibility of being someone’s “mentor”, you better give them ALL the pertinent details of the work. ESPECIALLY regarding safety tips and privacy concerns. I once listened in horror when I was told a cautionary tale about a provider getting a woman into escorting and then giving her NO advice on screening or privacy. Later, this newbie was outted to her family due to poor discretion practices that could have easily been avoided if she had gotten ANY advice on those things from her so-called “mentor”. Yes, it was the newbie’s responsibility to do her research on how to protect herself but she trusted this escort whom she thought was her friend and relied solely on her as she began her escorting career.

So if you decide you’d like to help someone the next time they ask for your assistance in this industry, do it with good intentions, be honest with yourself and them, and give them the full picture. You don’t need to write their whole damn business plan but do give them all the pertinent details; especially the information they’ll need begin successfully and safely.

Do you have any tips? I’d love to hear them in the comments!

Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina

The Choice Is Critical

An assistant is just that someone to assist you with your daily tasks, in hookerland this means; phones, emails and screening. Over the past 2 years I’ve had the pleasure of using a fabulous assistant when I needed a little extra help on tour. However I’ve been lucky. Many escorts run into serious issues with the assistant they have hired or  or fired. Extortion, blackballing, public outings and client black booking are just a few of the issues. I’m hoping with the advice here you are able to find your perfect assistant.

1. No one knows ho business like a ho

You should only hire a retired escort. She knows first hand what can happen if screening isn’t up to par (like jail or death) Your everyday person isn’t going to know how or where to begin screening your potential clients or how to spot a potential issue.

2. A great assistant will never pretend to be you.

How sketchy would it be to talk to someone on the phone then meet them later in the day, their voice is different and they can’t recall what you talked about? You’d head straight for the door if this happened. You’re a busy professional, you’ve hired help, show it off.  Be up front on your website and ads about having an assistant. This should nip any confusion in the butt.

3. References

In our world reputation is everything! Any assistant you are interested in hiring should provide you with references of current or former employers. Do not accept the “client confidentiality” BS. I will gladly vouch for my former assistant via email or phone anytime she needs me to. I suggest you email the references and ask for a little phone time as well asking questions like,  how long services were used, what was provided, any issues, any areas that could use improvement, client opinions of the assistant and why they’re no longer using the services.

4. Price

NEVER EVER pay an assistant a percentage of your income or a fee per booking, this gives incentive to cut corners and take risks to make more money. As a general rule of thumb you should pay your hourly rate per week. Industry average is $400 per week. If you can’t afford that you need a new business plan not an assistant.

5. Services Provided

This is never the same from assistant to assistant. First determine what you need. For myself it was phone help as I loath talking on the phone but why not take advantage of a package deal when offered?  Phones, emails, screening, booking, travel arrangements, check in/out, the possibilities are endless.

Finding the right assistant isn’t easy and it shouldn’t be. You are entrusting someone with your well being and safety not just getting a little extra phone help. Be smart about it, chose carefully, think though all the possible ramifications and potential pitfalls. The extra time it takes to make a smart decision is well worth the effort.

Ginger McNaughty: National Touring Escort

Follow Ginger on Twitter @GingerMcNaughty