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So You Want to Quit Your Day Job

So you want to quit your day job…

Ok, first thing? Don’t.
Not right away, anyway. You’ve got some serious planning to do first, sugarbritches! It took me nearly a year to get everything ready to go from working in this industry part-time to making it my full-time job and my sole means of income. If this is a choice that you have the luxury of making in advance, make the most of the time you have to make the move as painless as possible.

Are you making at least the same amount of money whoring part-time that you are while working full-time at the day job? If the answer is no, stop reading this article and start honing your skills in your chosen field and come back after the answer is yes. When you’re getting your footing while moving into being your own boss all the time, you’re going to need to take time figuring out a new rhythm, a new schedule, a new well… everything. This could very well eat into your planned “work week” at the beginning and allowing yourself enough time to adjust will save you some serious gray hairs. Especially since there really aren’t any guaranteed paychecks in this biz, bogging yourself down with “holy shit I have to whore for 60 hours to make this week’s bills.” will kill you. KILL YOU. So yes, make sure you are comfortably making your current pay with part-time effort right out of the gate. it will make your transition that much easier. There will be booming times and lean times, be prepared.

Are you prepared to no longer have a mainstream job as an answer when someone asks you what you do for a living? Do you plan on being “out”? To whom? These are questions that you may not have had to think about when this was just a part-time gig but once you are all-in, be prepared to be asked about this “great new job you’ve started” and you should have an answer ready, (whatever it may be) for people that matter to you. Obviously, not everyone needs to know your business but be prepared to be asked, and be asked often. This is also a good time to remind you that at some point in time you could possibly be recognized or god forbid, outted.

Have a hefty amount in savings put away before you give your notice. I hope you’ve been saving your whore money while you’ve been slaving away at your day job because you really never know what adjustments you’re going to need to make once you make your ho job your only job. I saved 6 months worth of expenses because my husband had been laid off the year before and that showed me how important a safety net was, especially with a mortgage.

Let’s talk health insurance. Because let’s be real, this is a giant issue for us all and if you’re leaving a job without health insurance, you better have a plan to replace it. Many of us go without, on a hope and a prayer and lord knows that shit ain’t smart. (I was lucky enough to only have to wait a few months until open enrollment for my husband’s plan through his employer. I know how lucky I was to have had that option.) Paying out of pocket for every last bit of health insurance you’ll need can get CRAZY expensive, and hopefully the Affordable Healthcare Act will help lessen some of the burden in the future. Regardless, it’s always a good idea to do your research and plan for what decisions you’ll need to make.

So yes, if Sex Work is the job you love (or love to hate) and the career path you’re choosing, please don’t jump in hastily. Plan ahead, save your money and come to terms with whatever social hangups others will have about your profession before making the leap.
It’ll serve you well in the long run.

 

Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina

Clips, Fetish Model, Internet, Sex Work, Webcam

Camera-Ready: Makeup Tips

I thought having a series of posts on how to get yourself ready to film clips or for camming would be fun since these are things I’m always thinking about. What to wear, how to do my makeup, props, etc. I think I may have tried it all so hopefully the shortcuts I’ve learned can make your day a little easier!

So let’s talk Whore Paint, shall we?

Makeup for the camera can be quite different than your everyday routine. I know for me, when I do my regular makeup where I’ll be seeing people face-to-face, I aim for subtle and try to go for the fresh-faced look. But when I’m filming or going on cam? Completely different. The main reason is, no matter how good of a camera you have or how fantastic your HD recording is, it takes SO much more for your makeup look to “pop” and translate to video. BUT just because it takes a little more effort to look “made up” on camera, doesn’t necessarily mean you need to actually *apply* more. Through trial and error (LOTS of error) I’ve figured out how to look done up without completely covering myself head to toe in face paint by utilizing a few tricks.

Don’t pile it on. Use the least amount of product with the most amount of impact. This means using better quality, higher pigmented products so you can use less of it and be less susceptible to having it run or smear while you work. Plus, less makeup = less clogged pores and easier to remove at the end of the night. Higher quality doesn’t need to mean expensive though (stay tuned for a post on some awesome products for less!) and you can find most of the good stuff right at your drug store. Seriously!

Moisturize and prime! A good moisturizer will change your life, followed by a good face primer. Together, they’ll give you an awesome canvas to work with as well as help keep what you put on, where you put it. Just please remember to give both of these products time to set up in between applications. Wait at least 5 minutes after applying moisturizer (longer if you can stand it) before applying primer and then wait again at least 5 minutes after applying primer before starting your make up. I usually do these steps while I’m doing my hair so it doesn’t feel like forever while I’m waiting. That and because I have no patience whatsoever.

Foundation or no? I personally do NOT wear foundation when I work because I have really sensitive skin (read: break-out prone) and I want to minimize the layers of products on my face. I prefer to use a really good concealer to highlight areas that need it and a matter bronzer powder to shade or contour other areas. A good concealer that matches your skin tone can help hide any imperfections without covering your entire face with it like you normally would with foundation.

Waterproof and Long-wearing? YES! I know it’s a no-brainer but raccoon-eyes are not the business so invest in a good, waterproof set of products. Waterproof mascara, eyeliner and lipstick will make your life so much easier. I mean, who wants to re-do their whole face halfway through their cam shift? Not this girl. Plus, there’s nothing worse than getting red lipstick all over yourself after a particularly hot scene. I once filmed a breast worship video in a bright yellow bathing suit and in playback I realized that I must have touched my lips at some point and got red smudges all over my tits and bikini top. Definitely changed the marketing description for that video, that’s for sure.

Lashes. Like everything else, this is a personal choice. I really love to wear them if I have the time to apply them. I feel like if I wear lashes, I don’t have to wear a ton of mascara to get the look I want especially since many times, too much mascara = flaking, which sucks. Plus, on cam, with the right pair, it just looks like you have really lovely eyes. It’s not super obvious that you’re wearing false eyelashes like it tends to be when in-person. So like I said, personal choice on whether to wear them or not but I think they look lovely when done right and if you have the time for them.

I hope some of these tips help you with a place to start or maybe build on the routines you already have in place. I know that makeup and skincare go hand in hand so next time I’ll be talking about how to keep your skin looking fantastic after all these days of wearing makeup! (Lord knows I’ve done it wrong enough times to write a book! ha!)

What kinds of makeup tricks have made your life easier when you’re in from of the camera? We’d love to hear all about them in the comments!

Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina

Community, Escorting, Fetish Model, Sex Work, Uncategorized, Webcam

Being Your Very Own Fairy Whore Mother… or maybe not?

a.k.a, When and How to Help a Fellow Whore and When to Politely Decline.

Now as you know, we over here at Fairy Whore Mother thought there was a severe lack in resources for sex workers in the realm of “How-To” (or in some cases, “How-NOT-To”).  So, being that ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ and all that happy horseshit, add in the fact that we like helping and love our community and VOILA!, you have the awesomeness that is FWM. We also like seeing others reaching out to help one another survive in this crazy business. It really warms our cold, black little hearts. Many sex workers get solicited for advice on how to get into the biz, how to make more money while IN the biz, how to use a new platform/software/website, how to transition into a new sector of the biz… and so on and so forth. If you’ve been in this business for any amount of time at all, I’m sure you’ve been asked any or all of those questions a time or two. (If you haven’t, give it a little time, I’m sure it’s coming.) Giving a little help to a fellow ho (if you want to) can feel really fucking awesome BUT it can also be a big responsibility. Here’s a few things to ask yourself before becoming someone’s Patron Saint of Whoring.

What are your intentions?

Please don’t offer your help to a colleague if you’re only looking to make money off them. If you are starting a legit consulting business, congratulations, go for it. Be upfront about your pricing and do your thing, sugar! But if you’re not and you’re only willing to help others because getting them to sign up with the cam/phone/booty shaking company you work with solely because it gets you a referral bonus? Do us all a favor and don’t. That makes you look pretty damn shady. I’ve recommended the camming platform and clips sites I use because I’ve had good experiences with them and am comfortable suggesting them to others. Referrals are great and you shouldn’t feel guilty for getting them but really, in my opinion it’s not that important and I’ve never done the whole “be sure to tell them I sent you… blah blah blah…” spiel.

Be honest.

If someone has come to you for guidance and you’re inclined to give it, be truthful. I’ve shared my experiences when asked for them and I always try to give real, honest answers. Inflating my own success isn’t going to help anyone earn a proper paycheck if I’m really trying to help someone. Don’t lie about how much you make or how successful you are to someone who is seeking out your help. If you are friendly enough with this person to share something as intimate as your income, be a decent human and be honest. If you’re not comfortable sharing it, don’t. You’re not a bad person if that information feels too personal or intimate to give out and you shouldn’t feel guilty for saying so.

Do you know what you’re talking about?

Please be honest with yourself about your own expertise. If you don’t have enough insight to help another, don’t feel bad in simply saying so. In my experience, people have a really fucking hard time simply saying “I don’t know.” and give whatever dumbass convoluted mashup of wrong information that comes to their minds. There’s no shame in saying, “Sorry, I really am still figuring it all out for myself and may not be the best to help you get started.” You can direct them to someone you think may be better equipped and that is perfectly ok.

Are you willing to tell them ALL they need to know?

If you’re going to give them a little “starter advice” and then give them the sink-or-swim treatment, don’t even bother. Because honestly? You can do way more harm than good. If you’re going to take the responsibility of being someone’s “mentor”, you better give them ALL the pertinent details of the work. ESPECIALLY regarding safety tips and privacy concerns. I once listened in horror when I was told a cautionary tale about a provider getting a woman into escorting and then giving her NO advice on screening or privacy. Later, this newbie was outted to her family due to poor discretion practices that could have easily been avoided if she had gotten ANY advice on those things from her so-called “mentor”. Yes, it was the newbie’s responsibility to do her research on how to protect herself but she trusted this escort whom she thought was her friend and relied solely on her as she began her escorting career.

So if you decide you’d like to help someone the next time they ask for your assistance in this industry, do it with good intentions, be honest with yourself and them, and give them the full picture. You don’t need to write their whole damn business plan but do give them all the pertinent details; especially the information they’ll need begin successfully and safely.

Do you have any tips? I’d love to hear them in the comments!

Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina

Fetish Model, Internet, Marketing, Sex Work, Webcam

Being a BBW Means You’re Fat

It’s a very rare thought process to wake up one morning and think to yourself “my goal for the next 6 months is to gain 25-50 lbs of pure fat.”  Gaining weight isn’t looked at fondly by “society.”  The thing is, there is an entire population of porn and fetish watchers who are into big women (and men for that matter!), and that population watches a LOT of porn.

Being a BBW/BHM is awesome. As you’ll find in any niche porn, once you’ve got fans, they are fans for life and they are loyal fans. Find what works for you as a BBW/BHM and stick to it. You could stick to the fetish side such as feeder/feedee, domination, or belly play, all of which are extremely popular for BBW/BHM since they feed directly into the larger than life fantasy. Or maybe more on the porn side with straight up hardcore sex. Even as escorts, there is a huge demand for larger than life people, and not a lot of people to fill that demand. I would give the same advice to anyone though—finding your niche is vital and can make or break you.

Being a BBW or BHM means that you’re going to encounter a lot of ridicule. There is no easy way around that fact. Here’s the thing though: the acronym “BBW” and “BHM” are not there to demean you or make you feel ugly. Both use words that are positive reinforcements of your attractiveness. Big beautiful women and big handsome men have just as much insecurity as men and women of average weight. However, the ridicule coming from an anonymous population of people you don’t know can be much easier to handle than the ridicule that comes from your biggest enemy: yourself. Looking in the mirror may not be an easy task, but it may be a lot easier than standing on a scale in the morning wishing that you dropped a pound or two. Confidence radiates just as much as insecurity radiates, so learn to conquer your self-loathing. There is something to be said about a person of any size or shape that radiates confidence! When I first started as a cam girl, I weighed 135 at 5’2” and I was 19 years old. Even then, I was “too fat” for the people who liked skinny girls and constantly had people telling me to loose weight. I’m now 24, and at 5’3” I weigh just below 200lbs. The fat comments haven’t stopped, but the compliments have increased. One of my favorite ways of dealing with fat comments is to point out that whomever is making them is a real genius at pointing out the obvious. Until my youtube channel got shut down, I had a video I would refer people to, about 30 seconds in length of me saying something along the lines of “Saying that I’m fat is like pointing out that dogs have hair. DUH!” and laughing. I got more positive feedback for that 30 seconds than I’ve gotten for anything else, and the people calling me fat ate their words as they sat behind their anonymous youtube profile playing keyboard warrior.

As always, be safe. There IS work out there for BBW/BHM and a lot of money to be made. Do your research on the company you’re working for, or if you’re working for yourself, research BBW porn or fetishism and understand it so you can best cater to it.Don’t be afraid of your body—insecurity shows, even on camera. Learn to laugh at the people putting you down and calling you names.

Sydney Screams: Fetish Model, Clip Producer, Adult Actress, Radio Talk Show Host

Community, Fetish Model, Internet, Sex Work, Webcam

Dealing with Trolls While Camming – Part 2

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If you haven’t read the first part of this little series, we covered some basic survival tips on how to keep your sanity when encountering scumbags, jerks and generally rude people when you cam. For the second part, I sent out some interview questions to a few chathosts that I think are interesting, fun and most importantly, good at what they do. I wanted to share their perspective on dodging the trolls. (I asked each host the same questions, and chose snippets from their answers. I encourage you to read each host’s full detailed response to ALL the questions by visiting the link after their quote for some REALLY good advice from seasoned pros.)

And now I’d like to introduce you to our fabulous interviewees!

 

The lovely Ava Doll, who cams for Streamate:

Ava Doll“It’s all about finding your own way to deal with people in your chat room who are rude or mean. I make it clear in my room, for instance, that I will tolerate people saying anything to me or about me in free chat (if I don’t cry or get upset and either laugh or talk dirty back to a troller, they either get bored and leave or buy one of my shows) but no one is allowed to criticize or judge another person’s fantasy in my chat. I secretly like when a new person comes into my room, calls me a whore and I either fire right back and say, “Good morning, asshole” or “Mmmmm…. god daddy, I love when you call me a whore” and more times than not, I have a new paying fan. I think I’m lucky when it comes to trolls because I already am a dirty talking, filthy cum whore who loves to beg for it, so it’s just natural for me.
If someone is making nasty comments about you, I like to remind them that this is the internet, there is something out there for everyone. If I’m not it, then I wish them all the best in finding whoever is.”

Read Ava Doll’s entire interview here:

 

The ever-handsome Boyhous, who currently cams for Cam4:

“You pretty much covered all the bases and I agree with the entire article. The analogy of a chat room being similar to a call center is dead on. It’s the same “customer service” principles but different environments. Call center Boyhousreps try to “turn the difficult ones around” or even think that “difficult people aren’t challenges..they’re opportunities”. Great! But that doesn’t usually work in a cam chat room. Best defense as stated is to ignore, block, and ban….or all the above reasons already mentioned.
… I don’t put up with ANY bullshit. Zero tolerance. No second chances. NONE. And the same applies for any disrespect to myself OR my fans during a show. I want a positive environment for everyone..a place to have fun and be comfortable. That means no annoyances. No distractions. When possible I’ll always try to have a room moderator to kick, silence, block, or ban those that can’t play fair. Unfortunately these idiots will always be there… and it’s impossible to rid them all. How can any broadcaster try to control them AND give a show at the same time? It’s impossible. It’s like playing Tetris trying to keep up with the amount of assholes. Room mods are GOLD for this reason. Then you’re able to focus your attention and energy where it should go.”

Read Boyhous’ entire interview here.

 

And the gorgeous Diamond James, another fantastic Streamate host:

Diamond James“… It depends on my mood whether I ban with no comment or choose to joke with the room about the troll. Either way, I always keep a smile on my face.  🙂
Trolls and rude people in general come with the territory of putting yourself out there on the internet. You just have to accept it and move past it. Being a cam girl or any other public figure requires a thick skin. If you don’t have a thick skin, camming may not be the best job for you. You must have inner self confidence and a good sense of self to be in this business. You must emotionally separate your persona from the real you, even if they are almost the same. The trolls will never go away but the more you ignore them, the less they will try and bother you.”

Read Diamond James’ entire interview here.

 

I was chatting with my favorite super sexy creature of the night, Jenn Vegas on twitter and she had this to say. (I didn’t officially interview her but her view was so fiery that I just had to include her quote!)

JenniferVegas“I have no shame in booting someone if they disrespect me and especially if they disrespect regulars. You will show me respect or you will see the door. That’s my suggestion just ban them with a smile on your face and move on.”
(She also noted that she has over 100 people on her banned list and says that she has no tolerance for bullshit in her room. Working as a Domme and a fetish provider on Streamate, she absolutely demands respect from her subjects, and she gets it!)

 

 

 

I loved getting feedback from other people that deal with the same kind of interesting folk that I do each day, it really solidified what I already felt to be true: that a good foundation of self confidence and self respect is key for anyone to be successful in this business and to dodge the trolls along the way. Whether you’re a camhost, phone sex operator, Domme or pornstar; know who you are and your worth, set boundaries (and stick to them) and do what feels right and feels good. You can’t go wrong with that, in my book.

I’d love to hear about your tips and tricks for dealing with cam trolls, leave ’em in the comments!

 

Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina