Tag Archives: Sex work

Escorting

Review Fall Out

Escort reviews are tricky business. Some hate them, some love them some just want to ignore the fact that they exist. The decision to allow yourself to be reviewed is a personal one. Some people swear by them and all that being involved in the review website culture offers. Others swear they don’t do anything to help their business and hate them, flat out. Others refuse to participate at all and ignore how they impact the industry as a whole. Reviews are personal and the opinions on them are about as diverse as stars in the sky. That’s a lot of fucking diversity. If you are an escort that allows reviews you will inevitably come up against a not so glowing review or worse a complete fake one. It happens and it will happen to you eventually if you stick around the business long enough. Here are a couple of things to help you keep your sanity when one of those two things happen.

1. Its only one persons opinion

This is a fact, a review is just one persons opinion about an event in which the reviewer was a active participant. If the experience was bland or not as thrilling as the client wanted well he was there too. Lots of times clients have unrealistic expectations about what an encounter will be. They’ve spent a long time building up in their head and saving their pennies and forget that they are there to participate and would like to hold the escort responsible as if shes the only one involved in the encounter.  Some sadly are just giant assholes. We cant be all things to all people, we can only do the best job we can when meeting with clients. One mediocre review isn’t going to change anything! Seriously it’s not! Hell I know ladies with many not so favorable reviews that do just fine and don’t let the criticism affect them. It just rolls off  their backs like water off a duck. Just remember to tell yourself that you did your best to meet that clients needs and move on and focus on other things that do mater.

2. Fake reviews happen try to minimize how you react to it

You got a fake review, it happens to the best of us! Sometimes fake reviews are good an sometimes they are bad. In any event no one likes it when people make stuff up about them. You have several options after getting a fake review. You can message the poster and ask him if hes mixed you up with someone else. Be nice and try to keep your cool, don’t blast him for being the dirt bag he is. Give him a reason to remove it all on his own. I find sweetness and guilt can work wonders. Some review websites will work with you if you believe a review to be fake. Give them the info they need to take it down. If your tour schedule shows you are in Idaho when this guy from Rhode Island posted your fake review you might be able to get the site to remove it all on their own. If you are connected enough ask a third party  respected by both sides of the equation to mediate the dispute. It doesn’t always work but sometimes, just sometimes it does. If all else fails just forget the fake review is there. You think all those reviews on Yelp are real? They’re not and the more that the world gets involved with review culture ( yes, I just did say that) the less impact any reviews of any business or service has.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

Escorting, Self Care, Sex Work

Staying Grounded As An Escort

It’s hard to stay grounded, you can easily get wrapped up in our job and with many other jobs (think lawyer or member of the White House staff) you can lose yourself in your job. That’s not good for your escorting career, your well being and can turn you into a person no one wants to be around. It happens fast and its insidious and if you don’t take care and take steps you will find yourself being that person and climbing out of the hole you dug for yourself which is  a lot harder then avoiding the hole to begin with. As escorts we are often saying and by that I mean screaming from the roof tops that we are more then our jobs, that we are real living breathing humans with many facets. Escort activists want people to take our jobs seriously and for us not to be punch lines. Lets make that easier for them by staying grounded, sane and not feeding into the stereotype. Some simple steps escorts can take to help stay grounded

1. Have friends out side of the business

Yes, I know its hard. Its much easier to hide the the safe zone of all my friends be they online or in person are sex workers or clients. Don’t fall into that trap. Yes, other sex workers understand you better then civvies but when you wrap your self up in that flag, you do yourself and those around you a disservice. People outside of sex work have real things to offer you like making sure you don’t forget that other people have struggles and that not everything is about you. When my friend the bartender had to deal with a very bad work situation where she was sexually harassed and threatened and her rent was due I realized that my 600 buck client that moved our date to the following week wasn’t such a travesty. Yes, as escorts we have specific challenges but other people have challenges too, many harder then ours.

2. Watch the news once in a while

Watch the news so you know whats going on int he world. Not only will it help your life prospective but it has the added bonus of helping you to sound current in conversations with clients (or others). It makes you look  like you understand the world, you might even learn a few things.

3. Save money

If you have a good week, don’t go out and blow all your cash on a pair of Louboutins or Manolo’s. Seriously don’t spend your hard earned money on frivolous bullshit. Put that money away and save it. Save it for when you don’t have a good week or for when you want to take a vacation or because even though your really loving your life as an escort now, money in the bank will give you options in the future. Don’t blow that opportunity because of shoes or status bullshit like a Fendi bag.

4. Do something to expand your skills that’s not business related

Take a class, volunteer, learn a new skill. You wont always want to be a sex worker and learning new things will help you in the future. Like to write? Take a creative writing class. Love how smart your dog is, take him to agility training classes, always had a thing for numbers take a statistics seminar. Register for print making classes at th local JC, take a sewing class, a TV production class anything that will expand your horizons. It not only will help you to be present in the world but you walk away with a new skill.

5. Get a hobby

Swim with sharks, ride a horse, collect stamps, sculpt. The field is wide open when it comes to hobbies. Find something that interests you and then just do it. You’ll meet new people who you have something in common with thats not work related. You’ll  learn new things! Your new hobby is just for you to enjoy, it will make you a better person and help keep you connected to the outside world.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

Self Care, Sex Work

5 Strategies for Dealing With Burnout

This is a “do as I say, not as I do” post. I basically disappeared from the internet for a while, and hadn’t even realized how exhausted I was. Like, existentially exhausted. I was incapable of doing much else besides compulsively read romance novels on my couch. It turns out that flying across the country on the regular for a few months, working 3 jobs at any given time (especially when not all of them pay!), and trying to lead a semi-normal grown up life will take a toll on the body and mind. Who would have thought, huh? Burn out is especially important for sex workers to recognize and have strategies for. Our work is especially emotionally taxing, especially with the added pressures of social stigma and shame that we bear. Many of us have to deal with it from time to time. Here are some strategies I’ve learned from NOT utilizing them. It seems like common sense, but is amazingly hard when you’re in the thick of it.

1. Recognize  – the sooner you see burn out (or sickness, depression, injury, or whatever you’re struggling with) for what it is, the sooner you can address it effectively. Not sure why you’re angry or unhappy? Check in with someone who knows you well. Jenny told me months ago that I was putting too much pressure on myself and working like a crazy person. I should have listened to her. (#ProTip: Jenny is always right, and the world would run more smoothly if people listened to her).

2. Break – If you can afford to, stop working for a while. This is much easier if you’ve managed to save some funds for just such an occasion, which I highly recommend. Doing sex work while you’re desperate or unhappy is especially miserable, and can even be dangerous. Or even just unfeasible as clients can sense insincerity and generally won’t spend as much money when you’re unhappy with your work. This is obviously not a viable option for everyone, but if you have the opportunity take it.

Stuffed Pumpkin with homemade bread chunks, gruyere cheese, herbs, lentils, and pepitas.

3. Cook – One of the biggest red flags that I’m not doing well is the loss of my appetite. Usually I can eat a prodigious amount at any given moment, but when I’m not healthy (physically or emotionally) I stop eating. Cooking, and taking the time to cook elaborate meals, is something I enjoy and forces me to take care of basic nutritional needs. I’ll be damned if I let a meal that’s taken a couple hours is going to go to waste, whether I feel like eating or not. Plus, routines can be immensely comforting, even if it’s as small as eating dinner every night.

4. Brag – Sometimes taking a shower, sending an email, or putting on pants can be a major victory in the day. And sharing those accomplishments can feel damn good. Miss Darling and I started texting each other occasionally with our achievements, and the results were pretty amazing. Knowing that someone is cheering you on can be immensely empowering. And validation of your work, no matter how small you may think it is, feels fucking great.

5. Cuddle – If you don’t have a pet, borrow someone else’s. My turtle, Walter, isn’t very cuddly, so I went to go visit the cat I lived with for several years (who now lives with my old roommate). There are scientific studies that indicate pets are good for therapy, and anecdotally I can say that it’s definitely true. Find a cuddly friend, get your snuggle pants on, and get down to some fluffy nuzzle business!

Duchess got fat over the past few years. But still as warm and purry and beautiful as ever!

 

For those more visually oriented – or need a constant reminder above your desk – I recommend this adorable poster with good advice from Annie Sprinkle. It echoes a lot of what I had to say, because this is not a new problem, but has illustrations of naked ladies to back it up.

How To Cure Sex Worker Burn Out Poster (PDF)

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Escorting, Sex Work

Secrets and what you do for a living

What do you do for work? To most people this is a simple question with a simple answer. However, for an escort it can be daunting to answer weather the answer is a down right lie or the gods honest  truth. For years I’ve  personally been honest with close friends and family about “Ginger” but, there are many occasions where I do need to make up an acceptable lie about my occupation. I hate doing it but, it’s a means of protection and acceptance. Here are a few suggestions and tips for the people in your life that require a less than honest answer about what its is you actually do for a living.

Stripper: Explains excess cash, odd hours, constant personal maintenance. Now that answer might not be your first choice but, its only a half lie and hey it sounds way better than prostitute

Small Business Marketing Consulting: great for touring pros, explains constantly being glued to your phone, travel to odd places, random fluxes of cash. Weather or not you realize it you’re a mini marketing diva and you probably know more about small business marketing then most kids coming out of college with a BA in marketing.

“_______” Consulting: fill in the blank, being a consultant gives you freedom to have a cool fake job in any sector.

Never lie about having a job at a physical location. Nothing like mom poping up at your fake job and finding out you lied, exception being strip club if your family wants to come see you at work in a club you’ve got bigger issues at hand then telling people what you do for a living. The two people you should never lie to about your occupation are, your lover or  anyone you are having an intimate relationship with. They have the RIGHT to know you are putting their sexual health at risk and you own then honesty. The other is yourself,  if you are not mentally strong enough or prepared to accept what you actually do for work, get out of the business now.

Ginger McNaughty: National Touring Escort

Follow Ginger on Twitter @GingerMcNaughty

 

Escorting, Pro Domme, Self Care, Sex Work

Never tell clients your real name

Never tell your clients your real name. This would seem like a no brainer right? Well it’s sadly not. Even I have made this terrible mistake and it yes, it has comeback to bite me in the ass. It bears repeating often and over and over…never give your clients your real name. They always ask, they want to be the special one you trust enough to give your real identity to. Don’t be tempted, don’t fall into the trap of the false sense of security that because you are sharing intimate time with a client that you can trust them and share your name too. You can’t. The self proclaimed hobbyists who review escorts on websites are the worst, they share your name and info like 12 year olds trading baseball cards. Don’t fall prey to the old line about how they had to give you screening info so its only fair you tell them who you are. That is a trap you will have to chew your own paw off to escape.

We come up with stage names to protect ourselves. No matter how comfortable we are with what we do the outside world is still very hard on us and the stigma of being a sex worker is very strong. Once a whore always a whore and no matter how many years pass and how many things you’ve done since you will always be branded a whore by certain groups and people. Keep your identity close to the vest so that you can control the outcome of your life and not be outed by some petty, small, person who has a need to punish you for the choices you make.

There are some things you can do to protect yourself if you’re one of those people who has a hard time telling men you’re getting naked with no. Or you would rather not deal with the whole reasonable conversation where they get all butt hurt when you tell them your very valid reasons for not wanting to share your identity with a man who’s paying you for sex. You can create a back story, you have to think of yourself as an onion with many layers. What you need is a fake real name! Something that sounds normal and plain and most of all you can REMEMBER it. Just as you create your sex worker persona, create the fake real you. Know where the fake you went to college, what state the fake you grew up in, a few small intimate details about the fake you that you can easily tell on the fly when you get cornered about who you really are.

I know it seems like a lot to do and a lot to remember but it will become second nature and it will  save you heartache and headache in the long run if you can rattle off  a few convincing details who who you “really” are.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme