Tag Archives: advice

Internet, Marketing

Putting Content Marketing To Work As a Sex Worker

content-marketing-wheelContent marketing is the method of using your expertise to attract potential clients. Usually, content marketing involves maintaining a blog that acts as a “how to” regarding industry related questions, and is by no means a fast pay off. Content marketing has shown great success in industries ranging from real estate to finances to homemaking skills (why do you think celebrity cooks have top selling cookbooks and popular, make reservations weeks in advance restaurants?). That’s great, but what does that mean for us sex workers, and should we be putting it to work?

I don’t know about you lot, but I’m flooded by emails and twitter @’s asking for advice regularly on how to get started and how to do X, Y or Z. I mean, hello, this blog exists for a reason!! Personally, I hate writing 101’s for people when I had to figure things out on my own years ago when even fewer resources existed out there. There’s a very natural mindset that exists within some of us about not wanting to share our secrets with our competitors, especially when they’re complete strangers.

But, here’s the thing.

Sharing secrets is working in other industries. There is no reason to believe that content marketing wouldn’t work for sex workers either. Many of us already maintain blogs or tumblrs or twitters, and even more of us tout that we’re experts or the “go to” gal or guy for whatever our specialty is. So why aren’t we proving it? If your online reviews call you queen of the bj, maybe it’s time you write a blog about what you do that make your blowjobs so special. Or if your feet are a sought after commodity, share what your day to day routine is for keeping them in perfect condition.

The idea behind content marketing isn’t to share 100% of the secrets or tips. The idea is to show that we know what we’re doing, and that we’re the best at what we do. This is especially vital now that Google+ has teamed up with WordPress and other online publishing sites to link it back to your Google+ profile (with your profile photo by the link, which gives you extra credibility). Why’s that important since less than 1/4 of Google+ profiles are active? 1-it makes plagiarism a bit harder. 2-it will improve your Google ranking. 3-if you don’t want to be higher in Google ranking, there’s something wrong with you.

Let’s face it; vanilla marketing trends are just as relevant for us as they are for the outside world. Ignoring them isn’t something any of us can afford to do, so put those blogs, tumblrs, twitters and youtube channels to work!!

Sydney Screams: Fetish Model, Clip Producer, Adult Actress, Radio Talk Show Host

Escorting, Sex Work

Hagglers, Ugh!

Haggler If you are a sex worker then you’ve experienced “The Haggler” All sex workers deal with him at one point or another no matter what your discipline. Sex workers see more than their fair share of guys looking to get what ever it is they offer on the cheap. I would venture the see more people looking for discounts then used car salesmen.  It can be frustrating, it can be insulting, it can be offensive or it can just be annoying like a gnat circling your head on a hot day. In any event dealing with them and not letting it effect both your bottom line and your mental and emotional well being is important. Here are a few different kinds of hagglers out there on the prowl and strategies for dealing with them when they pop up in your inbox.

1. The birthday haggler
“It’s my birthday can I get a discount?”  This one always befuddles me why should I care that its someone I don’t knows birthday. It happens all the time though, this haggler is always trying to angle for a discount be it his real birthday or not. You can always say polity, “as it says on my site/profile/blog/ i do not offer discounts” Or you can ask him what kind of discount he’s looking for. Say your rate is 600 and then haggler in question wants to see you but pay 400 thats a 200 dollar discount hes looking for. This person is asking you to buy him a 200 dollar birthday present and you you are not friends/family/business associates. You are a stranger and he would like you to give him 200 dollars. Point this out and maybe he will see the error of his ways.

2. I will write you a good review
This guy is ever present. Hes they guy that thinks because he talks a lot on a message board or two that that give him some kind of special status and hes always looking to trade that special status he thinks he has for a little discounted nookie. The implication is of course that because he is a big man on campus (in his own mind) that if you decline his haggling offer he will do the opposite of write you a good review. This guy is also under the impression that his one good review will bring you a shit ton more business. In fact that might have been true 10 years ago but the review game has changed a lot and sometimes they have such little effect on your business (and life) that people don’t even know that they have a new anything online because there is no spike to web hits, let alone phone calls or bookings. This one is best handled carefully as his personal ego is invested in the discount he’s trying to scam you out of. Best to just polity decline or ignore him entirely

3. I will become a regular.
The first thing you have to know about this guy is that he wont become a regular. This tactic is just the carrot he’s trying to dangle in front of you. If you he liked you enough to be a regular he would have already seen you and would be well on his way to booking more frequent and longer appointments. This guy will only see you once for the discount and if he ever did book again he’d expect that to be discounted as well. I usually tell this guy when he IS a regular then we can talk about discounted rates or extended appointment price breaks.

4. You’re not worth the price.
This intimidation come on pretty much never works. No girl in her right mind is going to come back with “yes i am, lets do it for cheap and i’ll prove it to you” Though that is the hagglers one true wish. Usually this guy has anger issues as well and lets face who wants to deal with that guy alone in a hotel room. Not I. Avoid at all costs.

5. Other girls are cheaper.
Pitting providers against each other is a common tactic though it usually doesn’t work well. To be a provider you have to already have a lot of self confidence, when you sell sex you’re really putting yourself out there. So trying the old “but so and so is cheaper” really is a weak come on. I generally tell him that my rates are my rates and that he should book time with someone in his price range and to have a nice day.

6. I’m too poor.
This is the opposite approach to you’re not worth the price. This guy cant afford you and he shouldn’t be wasting your time with the old cry poor come on. There are girls at every price point he can find someone he likes in his range. Trying to make you feel sorry for the sad state of his wallet is well sad and pathetic. There are lots of things I can not afford and I cant imagine a time I went to my favorite 5 star restaurant and begged for a discount cuz it was out of my price range. Yeah that never happens. I usually point that fact out to him.

The haggler takes many forms and he will often come back at you time and time again. You can not control that the only think you can control is your reaction to it. There are days when you are going to want to rip them up one side and down the other but its important to pick your battles, if you can find a way to polity decline its usually best, ignoring them and sending their inquiry to the circular file is also a good way to go. Once an a while a scathing email retort cant be helped. I’ve done it more times then i care to admit, ive also felt the backlash from lashing out in frustration at a haggler. Do your best to keep it civil and your mental health and blood pressure will both thank you for it.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

Pro Domme, Sex Work

So You Wanna Be A Pro-Domme

So you’re thinking about getting into sex work and working as a Pro-Domme? You’ve always been interested or rather fascinated  in the  mysterious and alluring fetish world and have spent more then a few evenings in your local fetish and goth clubs checking everything out and you know you’d just be great at Dominating men for fat stacks of easy money. It’s not as easy as you think and many hopefuls have gotten nowhere fast by not thinking it through. Here are somethings to remember if you think being a Dominatrix is in your future.

1.  Have skill

Being a Domme is more then just looking good in latex, you need to have actual skill. Take a mental inventory of your abilities and be honest. It’s best not to offer strict shabari bondage or suspension if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing. If you are great at trash talking then maybe mental domination is your thing, if you have amazing flexible feet then think about foot fetish, if you have experience in OTK spanking then do that. Remember the goal might be to cause pain or discomfort but you never want to cause harm. If you don’t feel you have fetish skills in your arsenal to hang out a shingle then its time to invest in some classes, they exist!

2. Look good

One of the big turn on for clients is the look of the Dominatrix he’s seeing. It doesn’t mean you have to have a perfect body, or a 50K wardrobe but you should be pulled together ad have a few things to wear in sessions that make you look amazing and intimidating. Maybe your speciality is OTK spanking then you might want to cultivate a 1950’s  headmistress look, think about what your offering and think about how that should translate into your Dominatrix persona.

3.  Getting the client off

Lets just admit it, clients go see a Domme because it turns them on. What ever their predilection is it’s because they get a sexual charge out of it and they want to get off to whatever that is. Now how this happens is totally up to you and you should know your boundaries going into it. Most clients jerk themselves off towards the end of the session at the direction of the Domme.  Some Dommes offer strap on services (fucking your client in the ass with a dildo, yeah that is prostitution) I know you heard  that being a Dominatrix meant no sex and you’ve read all the hundreds of disclaimers on many a Dommes website saying they are not prostitutes.  Though I do know of a Domme or two who will actually fuck their clients most don’t offer intercourse, many never even take their shinny latex clothes off.   Almost all allow their clients to get off in one way or another because seeing a dominatrix is a sexual experience. It’s up to you to chose how far your willing to go. Remember to protect yourself if you decide to offer more sexually based services. Person to person contact will almost always put you in the same realm as escorts by law enforcement and you need to take precautions

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

 

Escorting, Self Care, Sex Work

Staying Grounded As An Escort

It’s hard to stay grounded, you can easily get wrapped up in our job and with many other jobs (think lawyer or member of the White House staff) you can lose yourself in your job. That’s not good for your escorting career, your well being and can turn you into a person no one wants to be around. It happens fast and its insidious and if you don’t take care and take steps you will find yourself being that person and climbing out of the hole you dug for yourself which is  a lot harder then avoiding the hole to begin with. As escorts we are often saying and by that I mean screaming from the roof tops that we are more then our jobs, that we are real living breathing humans with many facets. Escort activists want people to take our jobs seriously and for us not to be punch lines. Lets make that easier for them by staying grounded, sane and not feeding into the stereotype. Some simple steps escorts can take to help stay grounded

1. Have friends out side of the business

Yes, I know its hard. Its much easier to hide the the safe zone of all my friends be they online or in person are sex workers or clients. Don’t fall into that trap. Yes, other sex workers understand you better then civvies but when you wrap your self up in that flag, you do yourself and those around you a disservice. People outside of sex work have real things to offer you like making sure you don’t forget that other people have struggles and that not everything is about you. When my friend the bartender had to deal with a very bad work situation where she was sexually harassed and threatened and her rent was due I realized that my 600 buck client that moved our date to the following week wasn’t such a travesty. Yes, as escorts we have specific challenges but other people have challenges too, many harder then ours.

2. Watch the news once in a while

Watch the news so you know whats going on int he world. Not only will it help your life prospective but it has the added bonus of helping you to sound current in conversations with clients (or others). It makes you look  like you understand the world, you might even learn a few things.

3. Save money

If you have a good week, don’t go out and blow all your cash on a pair of Louboutins or Manolo’s. Seriously don’t spend your hard earned money on frivolous bullshit. Put that money away and save it. Save it for when you don’t have a good week or for when you want to take a vacation or because even though your really loving your life as an escort now, money in the bank will give you options in the future. Don’t blow that opportunity because of shoes or status bullshit like a Fendi bag.

4. Do something to expand your skills that’s not business related

Take a class, volunteer, learn a new skill. You wont always want to be a sex worker and learning new things will help you in the future. Like to write? Take a creative writing class. Love how smart your dog is, take him to agility training classes, always had a thing for numbers take a statistics seminar. Register for print making classes at th local JC, take a sewing class, a TV production class anything that will expand your horizons. It not only will help you to be present in the world but you walk away with a new skill.

5. Get a hobby

Swim with sharks, ride a horse, collect stamps, sculpt. The field is wide open when it comes to hobbies. Find something that interests you and then just do it. You’ll meet new people who you have something in common with thats not work related. You’ll  learn new things! Your new hobby is just for you to enjoy, it will make you a better person and help keep you connected to the outside world.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

Self Care, Sex Work

5 Strategies for Dealing With Burnout

This is a “do as I say, not as I do” post. I basically disappeared from the internet for a while, and hadn’t even realized how exhausted I was. Like, existentially exhausted. I was incapable of doing much else besides compulsively read romance novels on my couch. It turns out that flying across the country on the regular for a few months, working 3 jobs at any given time (especially when not all of them pay!), and trying to lead a semi-normal grown up life will take a toll on the body and mind. Who would have thought, huh? Burn out is especially important for sex workers to recognize and have strategies for. Our work is especially emotionally taxing, especially with the added pressures of social stigma and shame that we bear. Many of us have to deal with it from time to time. Here are some strategies I’ve learned from NOT utilizing them. It seems like common sense, but is amazingly hard when you’re in the thick of it.

1. Recognize  – the sooner you see burn out (or sickness, depression, injury, or whatever you’re struggling with) for what it is, the sooner you can address it effectively. Not sure why you’re angry or unhappy? Check in with someone who knows you well. Jenny told me months ago that I was putting too much pressure on myself and working like a crazy person. I should have listened to her. (#ProTip: Jenny is always right, and the world would run more smoothly if people listened to her).

2. Break – If you can afford to, stop working for a while. This is much easier if you’ve managed to save some funds for just such an occasion, which I highly recommend. Doing sex work while you’re desperate or unhappy is especially miserable, and can even be dangerous. Or even just unfeasible as clients can sense insincerity and generally won’t spend as much money when you’re unhappy with your work. This is obviously not a viable option for everyone, but if you have the opportunity take it.

Stuffed Pumpkin with homemade bread chunks, gruyere cheese, herbs, lentils, and pepitas.

3. Cook – One of the biggest red flags that I’m not doing well is the loss of my appetite. Usually I can eat a prodigious amount at any given moment, but when I’m not healthy (physically or emotionally) I stop eating. Cooking, and taking the time to cook elaborate meals, is something I enjoy and forces me to take care of basic nutritional needs. I’ll be damned if I let a meal that’s taken a couple hours is going to go to waste, whether I feel like eating or not. Plus, routines can be immensely comforting, even if it’s as small as eating dinner every night.

4. Brag – Sometimes taking a shower, sending an email, or putting on pants can be a major victory in the day. And sharing those accomplishments can feel damn good. Miss Darling and I started texting each other occasionally with our achievements, and the results were pretty amazing. Knowing that someone is cheering you on can be immensely empowering. And validation of your work, no matter how small you may think it is, feels fucking great.

5. Cuddle – If you don’t have a pet, borrow someone else’s. My turtle, Walter, isn’t very cuddly, so I went to go visit the cat I lived with for several years (who now lives with my old roommate). There are scientific studies that indicate pets are good for therapy, and anecdotally I can say that it’s definitely true. Find a cuddly friend, get your snuggle pants on, and get down to some fluffy nuzzle business!

Duchess got fat over the past few years. But still as warm and purry and beautiful as ever!

 

For those more visually oriented – or need a constant reminder above your desk – I recommend this adorable poster with good advice from Annie Sprinkle. It echoes a lot of what I had to say, because this is not a new problem, but has illustrations of naked ladies to back it up.

How To Cure Sex Worker Burn Out Poster (PDF)

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.