Category Archives: Sex Work

Internet, Marketing, Money Management, Sex Work

Work Smarter – The Marketing Edition

Marketing is probably the most time consuming aspect of success in the adult industry. Actually, I should correct that statement to encompass all industries, not just the adult industry. Because there is no one sure fire way to be successful at marketing, it involves a lot of trial and error. Sometimes you’ll find that one venue of marketing works amazingly, but then six months later maybe it’s a completely different venue. This royal pain in the ass also happens to be your best friend in the path towards success. Be careful though, it sometimes feels like an uphill battle. In stilettos. Since marketing is an ongoing trial and error process, your first instinct may be to advertise one month on one website and then the next month switch to another website. This can definitely have its ups, but an ad needs to be seen at least 3 times for the audience to make a decision on the product or service. Assuming someone goes to a website once a week, your ad would have to be guaranteed to show up each time they visit that website for them to remember you. That seems like it would be easy, until you factor in that you are not the only advertiser on a website. Most websites use banners that either change every 5-7 seconds or that change each time you click to a new page within the website. Give your ad on the site a 3 month trial period. If you haven’t gotten at least a 10-20% return on your investment, it is definitely time to look elsewhere.

When you’re paying for advertising, be smart about where you spend your money. A fellow producer friend of mine decided to invest by advertising on a popular fetish based tube site, which seems like a great idea except he advertised on a niche fetish tube site and his site doesn’t cater to that specific niche! Of course he was really disappointed by the results since he didn’t get a return on his investment, but he made the mistake of not investing intelligently! Make educated decisions on where and how you spend your advertising budget (do your research!!) so that you don’t end up making the same mistake.

If instead of paying for advertising, you’re doing your own advertisement, consider where and how you’ll be doing it. Are you sticking primarily to forums and interaction with potential customers to drive traffic your way? Maybe you’re running a blog or twitter? Consider this for a moment: what is your hourly rate for a cam show or session? Are your efforts at marketing bringing you that rate for each hour devoted to the cause? If you’re spending 3 hours a day tweeting, and your hourly session rate is $250, that’s $750 worth of work. Did you make that money up? Did you book a session during those 3 hours directly off twitter? No matter how you are advertising, you need to expect a return on your investment, which means not only did you make back the time and money spent, but your earnings go above and beyond that.

If you are advertising by your own means rather than a third party site, use tools that are readily available such as Google Analytics, keywords/search terms, social media sites, and forums (where you are allowed to market yourself. Check the forums TOS before posting ads!). Remember that time is money, and if you’re spending all of your time posting ads and trying to drive up traffic there needs to be a return. Perhaps you spend 10 minutes writing a blog post, be sure to add keywords to make finding you easier. Or maybe you’re tweeting, spend 30 minutes scheduling your tweets to post at popular tweeting hours. See if people you know are willing to do a banner exchange to help drive traffic to each others’ sites or blogs.

There is a lot that can be done to advertise on the internet, and taking advantage of all the avenues is one of the best thing you can do. Whether you decide to pay for advertising or do it yourself, make sure that you’re smart about it. Don’t present yourself or your brand in a bad light, choose the right venues for advertising, and make sure that your ad or banner catches the eye and is memorable!

Follow Sydney Screams on Twitter @sydneyscreams4u

Sydney Screams: Fetish Model, Clip Producer, Adult Actress, Radio Talk Show Host

Community, Escorting, Fetish Model, Sex Work, Uncategorized, Webcam

Being Your Very Own Fairy Whore Mother… or maybe not?

a.k.a, When and How to Help a Fellow Whore and When to Politely Decline.

Now as you know, we over here at Fairy Whore Mother thought there was a severe lack in resources for sex workers in the realm of “How-To” (or in some cases, “How-NOT-To”).  So, being that ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ and all that happy horseshit, add in the fact that we like helping and love our community and VOILA!, you have the awesomeness that is FWM. We also like seeing others reaching out to help one another survive in this crazy business. It really warms our cold, black little hearts. Many sex workers get solicited for advice on how to get into the biz, how to make more money while IN the biz, how to use a new platform/software/website, how to transition into a new sector of the biz… and so on and so forth. If you’ve been in this business for any amount of time at all, I’m sure you’ve been asked any or all of those questions a time or two. (If you haven’t, give it a little time, I’m sure it’s coming.) Giving a little help to a fellow ho (if you want to) can feel really fucking awesome BUT it can also be a big responsibility. Here’s a few things to ask yourself before becoming someone’s Patron Saint of Whoring.

What are your intentions?

Please don’t offer your help to a colleague if you’re only looking to make money off them. If you are starting a legit consulting business, congratulations, go for it. Be upfront about your pricing and do your thing, sugar! But if you’re not and you’re only willing to help others because getting them to sign up with the cam/phone/booty shaking company you work with solely because it gets you a referral bonus? Do us all a favor and don’t. That makes you look pretty damn shady. I’ve recommended the camming platform and clips sites I use because I’ve had good experiences with them and am comfortable suggesting them to others. Referrals are great and you shouldn’t feel guilty for getting them but really, in my opinion it’s not that important and I’ve never done the whole “be sure to tell them I sent you… blah blah blah…” spiel.

Be honest.

If someone has come to you for guidance and you’re inclined to give it, be truthful. I’ve shared my experiences when asked for them and I always try to give real, honest answers. Inflating my own success isn’t going to help anyone earn a proper paycheck if I’m really trying to help someone. Don’t lie about how much you make or how successful you are to someone who is seeking out your help. If you are friendly enough with this person to share something as intimate as your income, be a decent human and be honest. If you’re not comfortable sharing it, don’t. You’re not a bad person if that information feels too personal or intimate to give out and you shouldn’t feel guilty for saying so.

Do you know what you’re talking about?

Please be honest with yourself about your own expertise. If you don’t have enough insight to help another, don’t feel bad in simply saying so. In my experience, people have a really fucking hard time simply saying “I don’t know.” and give whatever dumbass convoluted mashup of wrong information that comes to their minds. There’s no shame in saying, “Sorry, I really am still figuring it all out for myself and may not be the best to help you get started.” You can direct them to someone you think may be better equipped and that is perfectly ok.

Are you willing to tell them ALL they need to know?

If you’re going to give them a little “starter advice” and then give them the sink-or-swim treatment, don’t even bother. Because honestly? You can do way more harm than good. If you’re going to take the responsibility of being someone’s “mentor”, you better give them ALL the pertinent details of the work. ESPECIALLY regarding safety tips and privacy concerns. I once listened in horror when I was told a cautionary tale about a provider getting a woman into escorting and then giving her NO advice on screening or privacy. Later, this newbie was outted to her family due to poor discretion practices that could have easily been avoided if she had gotten ANY advice on those things from her so-called “mentor”. Yes, it was the newbie’s responsibility to do her research on how to protect herself but she trusted this escort whom she thought was her friend and relied solely on her as she began her escorting career.

So if you decide you’d like to help someone the next time they ask for your assistance in this industry, do it with good intentions, be honest with yourself and them, and give them the full picture. You don’t need to write their whole damn business plan but do give them all the pertinent details; especially the information they’ll need begin successfully and safely.

Do you have any tips? I’d love to hear them in the comments!

Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina

Escorting, Sex Work

Double Time

The other day, I had a noon duo scheduled with a regular of mine. My duo partner, Amy, had never seen him before, but we have great chemistry and I knew he’d love her. I curled my hair, put on roughly seventeen pounds of makeup, and shimmied into garters, stockings, and heels. I made the bed, put on some music, set out condoms, and lit candles. Then, I waited. And at 11:48, Amy came flying into my incall studio in a panic. “Oh, my god! How do you work if you’re on your period? I’m on day 4, and I don’t know what to dooooo!” Now. We scheduled the duo three days prior, so when I asked if she was available, she already knew that The Shining was happening in her no-no bits. She had three days to ask for advice, or use Mr. Google to figure out her shit, but she didn’t. She waited until ten minutes before the client arrived to make her crisis my problem. Fortunately, I’m a boy scout when it comes to being prepared, and I fixed her up with some makeup sponges while briefing her on our client. Then I let her borrow some scissors to trim her bikini area. Then I let her use my deodorant and some hair product. Then I lent her something to wear, because she didn’t bring any lingerie. Then I stashed her stuff in the closet while she threw on some makeup before he arrived. Fortunately, I knew to be totally prepared before she arrived, because I have come to expect that my last ten minutes before any appointment we take together will be spent managing her crises du jour. And I do it without complaining, because

a) she’s pretty awesome in session

b) I genuinely like her as a person, and my clients like us together

c) I consider it a kind of repayment of a karmic debt for all the times I used to be a shitty, shitty trainwreck of a duo partner myself.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Your duo partner is a source of extra income, access to different clients, and can even offer emotional support and sometimes mentor-ship. You owe it to each other to show basic courtesy and professionalism.

Let her know what to expect
If you’ve seen the client before, give her a quick rundown on what to expect. He uses an unnecessary amount of tongue when kissing. He loves giving head. He always tries to milk extra time and needs to be shoved out the door. He absolutely loves it when you laugh at his jokes. It’s courteous to share as much as you can about him, so that she feels as prepared as you are, and not like a third wheel trying to catch up. Likewise, if you only show up to work after half a bottle of wine, or smoking a bowl, or whatever, let your partner know. She may not mind if she knows to expect a tipsy/stoned you, but she deserves to have that information ahead of time, especially if she’s sharing her clients with you and needs to know which ones you would be a good match for. Lastly, check in with each other about how bisexual you each actually are, and how gay you’re willing to be for pay. If you are cool with making out, but not muff diving, make it clear before your client begs to watch you go down on each other.

Have her back
If you take ten minutes to discuss your boundaries ahead of time, you’ll spare yourselves awkward negotiations in-session. Your client may throat fuck you every time, but if you know she’s got a touchy gag reflex, you can make sure you’re the one doing the oral, and she can be the one to do the actual sexing. Help her stay in her comfort zone, and she’ll help you stay in yours.

Be on time
And know what that means. When you agree to a session time, ask what time she’d like you there. If you have a noon booking together, your partner may be cool with you breezing in at 11:55, or she may want help setting up, and be grumbling from 11:30 on about how you’re not pulling your weight. Also, leave yourself a cushion of time to help clean up after. If you are hosting the session in your incall, make sure you’ve got enough time that your partner can shower afterward so she isn’t thrown back into her day freshly-shagged. If you’re a guest at your partner’s incall, ask if you can help strip and make the bed, replace candles, or whatever else needs done.

And speaking of incalls…
If your partner hosts your duos at her place, and provides all the supplies, toys, and atmosphere, show a little consideration from time to time. You don’t ever have to buy candles, condoms, massage oil, gloves, wine, bottled water, chocolate, sheets, towels, incense, or pay rent. If you duo regularly under those circumstances, take her to lunch or out for a mani pedi to say thanks. If you duo only once, or once in awhile, a Starbucks card, a couple of fancy chocolates, or a bottle of wine are all nice gestures. It also might be more appropriate just to buy a couple of boxes of her favorite brand of condoms as a way of acknowledging her hospitality. A small gesture goes a long way in showing your duo partner that you value your relationship with her, and can lead to her sharing more business with you in the future. If you’re the one hosting, and want more of a contribution from your duo partner, it’s fair to ask a per-session fee if you’re supplying everything. Keep in mind when choosing your fee, though, that it’s bad form to ask a space-use fee and expect help preparing and cleaning. If you paid for a hotel room, it’s 100% legit to take the cost of the room off the top before splitting the donation, just make sure to mention it to her upfront.

Respect her privacy
This should go without saying, but unfortunately it doesn’t. Make damn sure you’re using her stage name, not her legal name, ever. Don’t tell your clients jack shit about her. Don’t bring up her kids, her hometown, or even her hobbies if she doesn’t bring them up with him first. And don’t talk to other girls about her, either. If she wants to share something about herself, she can. Stick to your own stories, and know that if you talk shit about her to other
people, it will get back to her eventually, and you will come out of it looking like a supreme asshole–and not just to your partner, either. If you can’t respect her privacy, clients will be reluctant to trust you with theirs, and if you’re a gossip behind her back, no other girls will want to work with you. Say she’s beautiful, charming, brilliant, a great kisser–and then shut up.

Beatrice Darling: GFE Escort, Traveling Companion

You can also follow Beatrice on Twitter @missobdurate

Community, Sex Work

Honoring a Fallen Fairy Whore Mother

Last Thursday marked the passing of one of the original Fairy Whore Mothers for this generation of hookers. Robyn Few was a sex worker and an activist for years, and was instrumental in founding both Sex Workers Outreach Project and the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers (December 17). While I did not know her well, and though her death was imminent and expected after a long struggle with cancer, her death deeply shook me up. I only met Robyn a handful of times, and admittedly did not know her at the best time of her life. I’ve been struggling to find a way to describe the impact she had on my life despite the brief personal interactions we actually had. She was closer to people that I am close to. But much of my work is a continuation of hers, and she was the matriarch of our sex work activist family. With all the complications and dysfunction that could possibly entail.

The first time I met her I was still fairly new to sex work activism, and she greeted me like she did so many of us. With a solo cup full of joints extended in offering. We were surrounded by other sex workers and sex work activists, and Robyn was full of nothing but joy and hope for most of that weekend. During one particularly memorable conversation I asked her advice about dealing with difficulties in activism, and specifically difficulties in working with other sex workers. Her response was “those who can, must.” I was extremely frustrated at the time, because what I wanted was someone to hold my hand and give me a checklist of things to do to fix my city, and subsequently the world. But her words stuck with me, and I revisited them later with her. I don’t remember her exact phrasing, which is probably related to the solo cup filled with joints, but it was something along the lines of that those of us who have something to give, must help to the capacity that we are able. And we also need to recognize when we just can’t give or help anymore. But it is a philosophy that has stuck with me. It’s part of what drives me every day to do hours of unpaid labor. Because I can. And because it needs to be done. And because many of those who would benefit most cannot do it for a myriad of reasons.

We live complicated lives, and everyone leaves a complex legacy. Too often sex workers fade into a long list of dead hookers, another name that we now read on December 17. Robyn helped build the foundations for a community of sex workers and activists for sex workers rights that lives on past her own lifetime. And by striving to make sure that sex workers lives were valued instead of erased, that we could turn to each other for help and support, and that the institutional harms done against us every goddamn day might be eradicated, or at least improved, she left a legacy that will not be forgotten. And she inspired a new generation of hookers and activists that will keep on fighting. I cannot think of a better way to be remembered.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Escorting, Fetish Model, Sex Work

Clockwatching For Pros

As sex workers, we charge our clients for our time. Whether we have clients for an hour or charge by the minute, we need to be aware of how much time is passing. At the same time clients understandably are not comfortable or happy with “clockwatchers” who are so focused on the time that they aren’t paying attention to their service. So how do we keep track of time without obsessing over every moment?

1. Playlist

Make a playlist that lasts about as long as you want your session to last. This works well for just about every situation. Have a sensual GFE escorting session? Put together 1 hour and 50 minutes of songs that set a romantic, intimate atmosphere. Doing a gold show striptease? Make an 18 minute playlist of dance music. Basically – shave a couple minutes off your total session/show time for conversation and leeway, set your atmosphere, and when the music stops you know things are wrapping up.

As a bonus you can use your playlist to set the tone and rhythm to your session. You can set the pace as to when things heat up, speed up, and wind down. When you know your music well, you can follow it in your head and know about how much time has past and how much you have left.

2. Safe call

This is good advice for both time and safety. Tell someone where you’re going and how long you expect to be there. When I worked for an agency – this was automatically built into my appointments. I called when I arrived, which signaled the start of the appointment (as well as told them I was ok and comfortable – or that I wasn’t and was leaving) and five minutes before the end of the appointment I received a call asking if we were extending the session or not. If I didn’t answer or call back within fifteen minutes they would know I was in crisis and call the cops. You can recreate that with a friend or colleague.

3. Alarm

You can also fake a safe call with the use of the alarm clock app on your phone. You can set it to sound like a ringtone, fake answer the phone, and let the client or producer think that someone is looking out for you. It’s not ideal, but it will keep you on track of time, and perhaps give you an extra layer of security.

4. Stopwatch

This really only works for sex work that doesn’t occur in person. But when I am in a private show on cam I have a stopwatch next to the computer so I can easily see how much time is passing. It’s easier than trying to do math by the clock and helps me keep a good rhythm for the show – which can also extend a show by a couple minutes – which increases your income! On the phone it’s super easy because, well, most cell phones tell you how long your call has lasted and all you have to do is check it. Skype does the same thing.

5. Convenient Placement

If you hate all those options and have the option of designing your own incall – put lots of clocks in convenient places that you can check without being obvious. You can make them pretty so it’s not blatant that your room is designed for a session to run like clockwork. You can also use mirrors to reflect the time around the room if you know where to look. And you will know – the clients won’t. Test your room out to see if you can see the time in a variety of locations and positions around the room.

After a while most people develop an internal clock and can mentally keep track of time. For some of us, keeping track of time is a challenge. I rely on gadgets and tricks because my brain doesn’t do it for me. Know your weaknesses and find ways to work around them.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.