Category Archives: Sex Work

Legal, Sex Work

Shut The Fuck Up

1 Comment

It can happen to anyone. It can happen if you are an escort, if you are a porn-star, a Dominatrix or a cam girl. You can be arrested. True your odds are higher if you are working in the gray area of sex work, the area where it might not be so legal to do what you are doing for a living but being arrested isn’t exclusive to escorts. Ask Kimberly Kupps if you don’t believe me, she was arrested for making adult content out of her own home. Cam sites in LA are being raided by the police for film permit violations  and who knows what will happen with all this required condoms on porn stuff going on right now. Laws are changing an their not very friendly to sex workers to begin with, no one is untouchable.  As a result its more important then ever to know your rights. Yes, you have rights and you need to invoke them if you are arrested or if you find yourself in a situation with law enforcement

First in foremost you have the right to remain silent. That’s your right and you should USE it. Do not answer questions, no matter how innocuous the questions seem. The police are trying to make a case against you and they will use everything they can including ANYTHING you say. You are only required to give them your legal name and you address of residence. You don’t need nor should you volunteer any other information. Just shut up, clam up, zip it, be quiet, do not engage them, do not answer questions do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars. You also have the right to an attorney so invoke that as well. Respectfully decline to answer any questions pending consultation with your attorney. Cops can and will lie to you, it’s their job to build a case against you that’s what they are there to do, anything you say can and WILL be used against you. So just shut the fuck up.  It might be hard, they will try to provoke you, say all kinds of terrible things about you, to you, but just go to your happy place and do not engage them. Do not try defend yourself, do not answer any questions. Just sit there and be mute. Get all Helen Keller up in their shit. They may get aggressive and curse at you, they may call you names and try to manipulate you into responding. They may even say that they will send you into a dark hole with no way out, forever. Do not take the bait, just be quiet. Give them your name, address tell them you will not answer their questions and and would like to see an attorney. The end. Be polite but do not engage no matter how much they try to get you to respond to their questions.

It seems so simple but so many people do not invoke their rights, they get caught up in the situation. Law enforcement has more experience then you in an arrest situation, they have the advantage, you’re likely to be scared, intimidated, horrified but do not take the bait do not let your self be manipulated into doing yourself no favors. The best way you can help yourself is to just be quiet.

Redlight Chicago has a training video you should watch, it not only has good info but they do reenactments of common LE techniques. http://www.redlightdistrictchicago.com/?p=43

Also download, read and even carry with you the ACLU bust card – its an invaluable resource, use it. ACLU BUST CARD 

I am in no way an attorney and I’m no substitute for legal advice. If you get arrested get real legal advice from a real lawyer. I’m just a sex worker who knows the value of keeping her mouth shut when it’s appropriate and when you come in contact with law enforcement that’s always a good time to invoke your right to shut the fuck up.

 

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer, Phone Sex Operator and Hypno-Domme

 

Internet, Marketing, Sex Work

Buy Your Dot Com

5 Comments

I see it happen all the time, not just from the novice sex workers or those new to the business. It happens over and over, it causes people much stress, sometimes embarrassment and most importantly…. Money. What is this dreaded scourge on the sex business? People who don’t buy and own their own web domain. Yes, I know you think thats rudimentary, everyone knows to do that, right? Wrong! I own my own working name web domain (I also own a whole bunch of others because  I’m a digital hoarder) but I own the important one, I pay every year to renew it like clockwork and you should too.

There is a prominent porn actress who shall remain nameless as to not embarrass her. She is a niche performer with a good sized following, shes a former escort, she owns a couple of niche porn sites, she also been known to sell her services to other sex workers and those hoping to get into the biz as a “consultant” in all things social media and Internet marketing. Awesome right? Well yeah sorta, until you  find out that she doesn’t own her own web domain. Her “insert working name here” dot com website is owned by someone else, someone she used to do business with whom she had some kind of parting of the ways. Since they owned her domain name she walked with out it. I’m not sure I’d hire her to tell me about all things adult/social/Internet marketing when the very basics of how to control your won work, image and content in this often shady business is beyond her but  thats another tale for another day of be careful who you give your money to. I don’t want to come down too hard on her as we all make mistakes, but this is adult business 101. I’m sure this mistake cost her a lot of dollars, someone else getting monthly checks on all her content sold, on her membership site, not to mention the loss of control over her image and persona. They can use that domain to drive traffic to any other sites they want to, they also make money when people search her name and content and find their way to what looked like her official dot com. It’d her name plus dot com and she’s not profiting from it, someone else is. I cant even imagine all the time and energy thats now required to rank her NEW domain, the one that’s some variation on her porn actor name. Lots of work and time investments she wouldn’t have  to engage in if she actually owned her own domain instead of leaving that  very important task up to someone else to buy. You must be the owner of record on your own domain, to not do that can be disastrous.

This doesn’t even address squatters. People who will buy your working names domain in hopes that you will buy it from them for a much inflated price, it happens a lot. Do you want to shell out hundreds of dollars for something you could have bought for 17 bucks?  Or maybe they will load it with banner ads to affiliate programs where they get money for each click or sign up trading off YOUR name for THEIR profit. Yes, that happens

Buy your domain, you don’t have to create a site but you must own your name. Don’t let anyone buy it for you. You buy it, its easy to do. Make sure to add the extra money for privacy. Seriously do that. If you don’t you are opening the door for a world of trouble to save yourself 10 bucks. If you can buy it for 10 years, if you cant buy it for one and renew it when it comes up. Own your own stuff, take control of your business, your image and your domain. This is a business not a hobby and you must make smart decisions. Bad ones can cost you time, effort and most of all money.

 

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer, Phone Sex Operator and Hypno-Domme.

 

Community, Fetish Model, Internet, Sex Work, Webcam

Dealing with Trolls While Camming – Part 1

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If you haven’t watched this video of the distraught cam model losing her shit over some seriously abusive trolls in her free chat area, it’s worth a look. Disturbing, but certainly worth a look.
Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Back? Ok. A little like watching a train wreck, right? Yes, I thought so too. I’m not going to go into a full-on dissertation/dissection on that video specifically, but I thought this would be a perfect time to talk about dealing with abusive cam customers in a free-chat camming environment.

I cam for Streamate and after doing some research, so does the woman in that video. If you’re not familiar with that setup, here’s how that platform works: you have a free-chat area where customers can come in, talk with you, see the goods and decide if they would like to take you “private”. We are not allowed to show nudity in free chat (although some girls do, that’s a post all on it’s own for another time) but we can talk with the guys (or girls) about what we will and won’t do in “private” for their show. In addition to that, we have a whole profile we can fill out to outline what we offer and what our limits/specialties are. I liken it to a customer service call center: you have no idea who will come in or when and what the hell they might say. And like a call center, it’s assumed that we are to be appeasing and generally happy to interact with the customer since we are in fact, selling something: our time in “private”. It is, obviously, how we make money.
This revolving door of thousands of random clients can make it a hotbed for trolls, assholes and morons. They are totally anonymous, save for a screen name and they can read all about us but we have no info on them. I’ve managed to implement a few practices to keep the assholes at bay and wanted to share them with you so hopefully you can keep the trollage to a minimum.

  1. The rude ones are NOT your customer base. 

    This is something that I think girls are not understanding. When was the last time that an abusive customer became a paying customer? I’ll bet it was the day after never. Pay attention next time, I think once you realize that they are just taking your precious time away from the good, paying clients that deserve and want your attention, you’ll be much better prepared and willing to deal with them properly.
  2. Learn to recognize the signs of abusive language before it starts to get ugly.
    “SHOW ASS NOW ”, “I want to make you my bitch.”, “I’m gonna make you cry.”, “Give me a preview of what you got for me first before I pay you anything.” These are all phrases that make me cringe and will I ignore the hell out of any guy who utters anything like that. If a customer gets super ignorant and aggressive right away, it will only get worse. DO NOT ENGAGE. See number 3.

    If only they were this good looking…
  3. DO NOT RESPOND OR ARGUE WITH THEM.
    Usually when I ignore their initial shitty comments, they either change their tone or they leave. If I start to call them an asshole or argue with them, I’m doing two things; encouraging them to keep the vitriol coming (it’s probably getting them off and I damn sure don’t entertain kinks for free, bitches) and I’m making it uncomfortable for the other guys (the respectful and fun ones) in the room who are there to have sexy times with me (the kinds I actually want). That may scare the good customers off and there goes my money, right out of the room.
  4. If ignoring them doesn’t work, KICK THEIR SORRY ASSES THE FUCK OUT.
    Still spewing garbage at you? Your “KICK” button is like virtual pepper spray, USE IT. It feels awesome, I promise you. Give them a sunny “Goodbye, sweetie!” and kick them out with a smile (and it will kill them that they didn’t piss you off). Most will get the hint and never return but there are a rare few that may come back. These morons need to be permanently blocked.

In all the years I’ve been camming, I’ve only had to put a permanent block on three people by using these methods. Three. And I take a lot less bullshit than most girls. Most trolls, when not fed, will go find greener pastures to graze on if you are diligent with not giving them what they want: your undivided attention. I hope some of this has helped. Just remember, the assholes and jerks are hardly EVER going to give you a dime, so get rid of them as quickly as possible so you can focus on the guys who really do want to play with you and give you their money. It’ll save your sanity and you’ll be much happier for it.

In part two of Dealing with Trolls while Camming, I’ll share with you some insight I’ve gotten from some fantastic cam hosts who in my opinion, handle negative comments and equally negative customers extremely well. Plus, well, they’re gorgeous and awesome and any reason to interview them is A-OK by me!


 Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina

Fetish Model, References, Sex Work

Check Your Fucking References

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Asking for References is Only Step 1…

Hopefully you ask for references before you see a client. This practice is fairly common among escorts, and for some reason less so among pro-Dommes. Another field of sex work that it SHOULD be common in is modeling or porn. It’s easy to tell who a producer or photographer has worked with, because their faces will be all over their portfolio. If you’re not sure, ask them! You probably won’t be the first, and it shouldn’t come as a surprise to them. In fact, many of them will offer a list of references on their website.

Here’s the important part. CHECK THEM.

It’s easy. Shoot the reference a quick email, phone call, text, tweet, whatever you have to get in contact with them. Here’s a sample message:

“Hi, I’m Lauren. I saw you worked with x and just wanted to know how your experience was? Thanks!”

Check them.. it helps!

Send out a couple of those to people whose work you like and respect. And you’ll not only get some ins and respect from other people in the industry, but you’ll get a good idea of what it’s like to work with or session with that person. Even if it’s something as simple as “he’s great, but always 20 minutes late” then you won’t be stressed when you’re waiting. The more information you have, the better of a position you’ll be in.

Don’t worry about bothering anyone or taking up their time. The worst they can do is not respond. And it could save you from harmful situations. This industry can be surprisingly small, and reputations are built or hurt very quickly.

It’s sad, but there are people who will want to work with you who will hurt you. Some of them don’t care about safety precautions. Some of them will take advantage of you, especially if you’re new. And some of them are just fucking assholes. You don’t HAVE to go through any of that. There is no prescribed rite-of-whore-passage regarding bad clients or shady producers. Checking references may create a few moments of social awkwardness, but it can help avoid a much more harmful situation.

Besides – I think we need to create a culture where sex workers watch out for one another. I think that aspect of the community is deeply important. None of the people I’ve worked with have minded giving references, on either side of the equation. And public interactions on the internet don’t count. Check your references privately and personally. You’ll get a more accurate picture.

References don’t always spell doom either. It’s much more exciting going to work when you know it’s going to be pleasant and fun.

References are not a foolproof system for a lot of reasons. But if you talk to people you trust, at least trust professionally, you can generally get a lot of good information. And more information gives you more control over just about any situation.

 

 Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.