All posts by fairywhoremother

Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer, Phone Sex Operator and Hypno-Domme. Jenny’s been working in the sex business for more years then is polite to say in mixed company. She has a long standing reputation for helping her fellow sex workers stay safe in an often risky business and has been bloggng and shinning a bright shinny light about working in the sex business since 2007. The good, the bad and even the ugly has been reveled. Never one to mince words, Jenny calls it like she sees it and has been called everything from a “Fairy Whore Mother” to divisive by her peers. Jenny is also a professional photographer and published writer in the mainstream world.
Escorting, Internet, Marketing, Money Management, Sex Work

How to spend your advertising dollars

PWoman-holding-bag-of-money-via-Shutterstockaying for advertising sucks, but it is necessary. All successful business pay for advertising and sex work is no different from any other business. Spending your money wisely.. now thats the hard part. It’s hard to know what works and what doesn’t and there’s a lot of superstition involved in sex work advertising. Especially because where you are getting your clients from is often hard to know.  As a result people tend to keep ads up that are not working for them just because they always had them or out of fear that if they make a change their work will slow. Remember just because you like or don’t like a  specific site or because they are friendly to sex workers ( they all should be as you are their clients)  is not reason to keep yourself off it or put yourself on a specific website. You are in this business to make money and advertising is a business decision. If the money you invest in ads pays off then it’s a good investment, if its not paying off how you want then you need to find something that works better for you. A lot of trial and error is involved in sex work advertising, a lot. Set yourself a monthly budget and get to putting up and tracking your ads. Keep in mind that spending your hard earned cash wisely is the key.. so here are some tips to help you get more for your advertising dollar.

1. Track your web hits: Do this! Seriously do it now, right now. Tracking your web hits will often give you the best picture of how people are finding you. What keywords / search terms they are using to find your clip site, your escort site, your blog, etc. Where are you getting link referrals.  (Protip: this is also a good way to see who’s sharing your files if you are a clip producer) If you are paying a company big bucks for an ad and no one is clicking over from that site to your site, then you’re not spending your money well. Not at all, not one wee little bit. You must use all the tools available to you and tracking your web hits is A number one.

2. Ask your clients: Be aware that they often don’t know, cant remember or just plain will lie  about it but it never hurts to ask. When I would get a phone calls, I would always ask “Where did you see my ad?” Often they would say some site I wasn’t listed on cuz they can be stupid, but a lot of the time they would tell me where they actually saw my ad and if i was real lucky what they liked about my ad and why they were moved to call. Bonus! Asking where your ad was found is also a good way to track your bullshit callers too. If the time-wasters are always telling you they saw you on site X well then maybe its time to take your ad off that site. Its not doing you any good and in fact its wasting your time. d=Dealing with time wasters all the time contributes to sex worker burn out in a big way.

01USDA wise veteran escort friend of mine told me way back in the day when I was a baby ho how to figure out where to place my ads and it holds true today, maybe even more so. Do a Google search as if you were a client looking for an escort to see. Google: Escorts, Los Angeles or Escorts, Washington DC or escorts and whatever city/state you happen to be working in. Now look at those sites, you should have a presence on most of them. There will be a mix of junk sites, mall sites and review sites. So take a little time and look them over. Someone is always trying to capitalize on what they think is escort cash cow money so there are new sites popping up all the time, many in fact most never last. Make sure a site has been around a while and is established, look over who else is on the site, anyone you know? Anyone you respect? Does it look like a slapped together directory with stolen photos? Weed out the crap and hone it down to the solid options.  If something offers a free ad and in the top 10 search returns and looks reputable then it might be worth sticking an ad up there and see what happens. If there’s a splashy mall site with a solid reputation in the top 10 then maybe its time to see about what they have to offer, if there’s a review site in the mix and you are a reviewed escort that allows reviews maybe its time to step up a little participation. All things to think about. If that review site has an ad section, get a price list. Then do a cost benefit analysis. If i spend X, i expect to make X in return. Then track as best you can those results. If it pays off great take that ad out again. If it doesn’t then cancel that ad. Remember the Internet is ever changing so you want to fine tune your potential ads all the time. A site that seems great may stop working and its time to move on to something else or maybe a site that under performed made some changes and is performing better so you want to give it a second try. This is an ongoing battle one that you will have to adapt too all the time. It will drive you nuts but its worth the effort and your time.

Do all the free advertising you can and by that I mean, If you like to blog then write a blog, If you like to take pictures of what you had for lunch then get an Instagram, if you enjoy reposting sexy photos give Tumblr a try. Of course tweet but remember this is your work persona and keep that in mind when you are tweeting up a storm. Make sure if you use 3rd party sites that you carefully read their TOS and keep it clean if they require that. You don’t want to get kicked off sites just when your marketing was starting to pay off there.

Find out what works for you. Invest your advertising dollars wisely. Then go out there and bring home the bacon.

Escorting, Sex Work

Hagglers, Ugh!

Haggler If you are a sex worker then you’ve experienced “The Haggler” All sex workers deal with him at one point or another no matter what your discipline. Sex workers see more than their fair share of guys looking to get what ever it is they offer on the cheap. I would venture the see more people looking for discounts then used car salesmen.  It can be frustrating, it can be insulting, it can be offensive or it can just be annoying like a gnat circling your head on a hot day. In any event dealing with them and not letting it effect both your bottom line and your mental and emotional well being is important. Here are a few different kinds of hagglers out there on the prowl and strategies for dealing with them when they pop up in your inbox.

1. The birthday haggler
“It’s my birthday can I get a discount?”  This one always befuddles me why should I care that its someone I don’t knows birthday. It happens all the time though, this haggler is always trying to angle for a discount be it his real birthday or not. You can always say polity, “as it says on my site/profile/blog/ i do not offer discounts” Or you can ask him what kind of discount he’s looking for. Say your rate is 600 and then haggler in question wants to see you but pay 400 thats a 200 dollar discount hes looking for. This person is asking you to buy him a 200 dollar birthday present and you you are not friends/family/business associates. You are a stranger and he would like you to give him 200 dollars. Point this out and maybe he will see the error of his ways.

2. I will write you a good review
This guy is ever present. Hes they guy that thinks because he talks a lot on a message board or two that that give him some kind of special status and hes always looking to trade that special status he thinks he has for a little discounted nookie. The implication is of course that because he is a big man on campus (in his own mind) that if you decline his haggling offer he will do the opposite of write you a good review. This guy is also under the impression that his one good review will bring you a shit ton more business. In fact that might have been true 10 years ago but the review game has changed a lot and sometimes they have such little effect on your business (and life) that people don’t even know that they have a new anything online because there is no spike to web hits, let alone phone calls or bookings. This one is best handled carefully as his personal ego is invested in the discount he’s trying to scam you out of. Best to just polity decline or ignore him entirely

3. I will become a regular.
The first thing you have to know about this guy is that he wont become a regular. This tactic is just the carrot he’s trying to dangle in front of you. If you he liked you enough to be a regular he would have already seen you and would be well on his way to booking more frequent and longer appointments. This guy will only see you once for the discount and if he ever did book again he’d expect that to be discounted as well. I usually tell this guy when he IS a regular then we can talk about discounted rates or extended appointment price breaks.

4. You’re not worth the price.
This intimidation come on pretty much never works. No girl in her right mind is going to come back with “yes i am, lets do it for cheap and i’ll prove it to you” Though that is the hagglers one true wish. Usually this guy has anger issues as well and lets face who wants to deal with that guy alone in a hotel room. Not I. Avoid at all costs.

5. Other girls are cheaper.
Pitting providers against each other is a common tactic though it usually doesn’t work well. To be a provider you have to already have a lot of self confidence, when you sell sex you’re really putting yourself out there. So trying the old “but so and so is cheaper” really is a weak come on. I generally tell him that my rates are my rates and that he should book time with someone in his price range and to have a nice day.

6. I’m too poor.
This is the opposite approach to you’re not worth the price. This guy cant afford you and he shouldn’t be wasting your time with the old cry poor come on. There are girls at every price point he can find someone he likes in his range. Trying to make you feel sorry for the sad state of his wallet is well sad and pathetic. There are lots of things I can not afford and I cant imagine a time I went to my favorite 5 star restaurant and begged for a discount cuz it was out of my price range. Yeah that never happens. I usually point that fact out to him.

The haggler takes many forms and he will often come back at you time and time again. You can not control that the only think you can control is your reaction to it. There are days when you are going to want to rip them up one side and down the other but its important to pick your battles, if you can find a way to polity decline its usually best, ignoring them and sending their inquiry to the circular file is also a good way to go. Once an a while a scathing email retort cant be helped. I’ve done it more times then i care to admit, ive also felt the backlash from lashing out in frustration at a haggler. Do your best to keep it civil and your mental health and blood pressure will both thank you for it.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

Pro Domme, Sex Work

So You Wanna Be A Pro-Domme

So you’re thinking about getting into sex work and working as a Pro-Domme? You’ve always been interested or rather fascinated  in the  mysterious and alluring fetish world and have spent more then a few evenings in your local fetish and goth clubs checking everything out and you know you’d just be great at Dominating men for fat stacks of easy money. It’s not as easy as you think and many hopefuls have gotten nowhere fast by not thinking it through. Here are somethings to remember if you think being a Dominatrix is in your future.

1.  Have skill

Being a Domme is more then just looking good in latex, you need to have actual skill. Take a mental inventory of your abilities and be honest. It’s best not to offer strict shabari bondage or suspension if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing. If you are great at trash talking then maybe mental domination is your thing, if you have amazing flexible feet then think about foot fetish, if you have experience in OTK spanking then do that. Remember the goal might be to cause pain or discomfort but you never want to cause harm. If you don’t feel you have fetish skills in your arsenal to hang out a shingle then its time to invest in some classes, they exist!

2. Look good

One of the big turn on for clients is the look of the Dominatrix he’s seeing. It doesn’t mean you have to have a perfect body, or a 50K wardrobe but you should be pulled together ad have a few things to wear in sessions that make you look amazing and intimidating. Maybe your speciality is OTK spanking then you might want to cultivate a 1950’s  headmistress look, think about what your offering and think about how that should translate into your Dominatrix persona.

3.  Getting the client off

Lets just admit it, clients go see a Domme because it turns them on. What ever their predilection is it’s because they get a sexual charge out of it and they want to get off to whatever that is. Now how this happens is totally up to you and you should know your boundaries going into it. Most clients jerk themselves off towards the end of the session at the direction of the Domme.  Some Dommes offer strap on services (fucking your client in the ass with a dildo, yeah that is prostitution) I know you heard  that being a Dominatrix meant no sex and you’ve read all the hundreds of disclaimers on many a Dommes website saying they are not prostitutes.  Though I do know of a Domme or two who will actually fuck their clients most don’t offer intercourse, many never even take their shinny latex clothes off.   Almost all allow their clients to get off in one way or another because seeing a dominatrix is a sexual experience. It’s up to you to chose how far your willing to go. Remember to protect yourself if you decide to offer more sexually based services. Person to person contact will almost always put you in the same realm as escorts by law enforcement and you need to take precautions

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

 

Clips, Marketing, Sex Work

Make more money from fetish clips

So  your making fetish clips but feeling a little lost on what kind of clips you should be making moving forward. Should you specialize in chastity, financial domination or foot fetish? It’s hard to know exactly and even though you might think one niche is the obvious nice for you, it may turn out its not. Trying to force success in a niche that’s not responding to you can be very frustrating and extremely disappointing. Disappointing enough to give it up all together because you’re not succeeding as you hoped you would be. You don’t want to do that, you don’t want to give up. You want to make a workable plan for yourself and make the most out of your new fetish clip business. Here are some things you can try to help you be more successful making fetish clips.

1. Assess what you are willing to do on camera.

Maybe you never want to take your close off or you don’t want to show your face. Maybe you are not a thin as a rail, or you have great trash talking skills? Think about what it is you will and wont do on camera and remember a camera is forever. Think about what you do and do not possess, think about what you will and will not do. Take inventory of yourself. Will you show your boobs, perform sex acts or hide your face. You don’t have to do anything you are not comfortable with, there are women who are highly successful who never take off a lick of clothing. They are also have amazingly ho,t perfect bodies, are super glamorous women with great ideas and the ability to key in on a specific fantasy. Think about your limits and your assets and how that can lend its self to making clips.

2. Make more of what works.

Look at your sales, what did you sell last month? Foot clips? Domination POV? Chastity? Smoking? Whatever it was make more of that. If you sold more smoking clips then foot fetish clips then make 10 more smoking clips. Smoking in the shower, smoking in a fancy dress, smoking in a bikini, smoking POV, smoking very close up, smoking from a distance ignoring the viewer. You get the idea. Make them until you want to puke and cant stat to make another fucking smoking clip. Push yourself, make yourself make that batch of smoking clips. Then set them to upload though out the month. Watch your smoking fetish fan base expand. Don’t ignore the other kind of clips, just heavily focus on whats been working.

3. Join fetish forums

Google the fetish you’re making clips in and join the forum for that fetish. Trust me there’s a forum for everything. Find it. Then create a profile, add a picture and links to your clip store to it and  then introduce yourself. Interact with the people there. It doest have to be all involved just once a week go back to the forum and find a way to participate and remember to be nice! You’re building a fan base. You want to be a little accessible and you want people to click your links and become customers. Protip: keep a folder of your forums logins in your bookmarks makes it a lot easier to remember

4. Add at least one new fetish every time you film

Add something new and see if people respond to it. I once made “I cant believe the crap you freaks jerk off to” and people actually bought it! Now they didn’t buy it enough for me to make more then that one clip and it was kind of a joke but throw in a  new fetish you never thought about before. Expand your horizons. Look at the list of fetishes available on your clip site and then do something new every time you film. It might surprise you how you can then develop that into a brand new niche and money stream for yourself.

The most important thing is to keep at it persistence and hard work to pay off. You can make a good living making clips. While its true the porn stars are always going to make more money then the small niche specialist that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t  pursue what works for you and fits in with your comfort level.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

Escorting

Review Fall Out

Escort reviews are tricky business. Some hate them, some love them some just want to ignore the fact that they exist. The decision to allow yourself to be reviewed is a personal one. Some people swear by them and all that being involved in the review website culture offers. Others swear they don’t do anything to help their business and hate them, flat out. Others refuse to participate at all and ignore how they impact the industry as a whole. Reviews are personal and the opinions on them are about as diverse as stars in the sky. That’s a lot of fucking diversity. If you are an escort that allows reviews you will inevitably come up against a not so glowing review or worse a complete fake one. It happens and it will happen to you eventually if you stick around the business long enough. Here are a couple of things to help you keep your sanity when one of those two things happen.

1. Its only one persons opinion

This is a fact, a review is just one persons opinion about an event in which the reviewer was a active participant. If the experience was bland or not as thrilling as the client wanted well he was there too. Lots of times clients have unrealistic expectations about what an encounter will be. They’ve spent a long time building up in their head and saving their pennies and forget that they are there to participate and would like to hold the escort responsible as if shes the only one involved in the encounter.  Some sadly are just giant assholes. We cant be all things to all people, we can only do the best job we can when meeting with clients. One mediocre review isn’t going to change anything! Seriously it’s not! Hell I know ladies with many not so favorable reviews that do just fine and don’t let the criticism affect them. It just rolls off  their backs like water off a duck. Just remember to tell yourself that you did your best to meet that clients needs and move on and focus on other things that do mater.

2. Fake reviews happen try to minimize how you react to it

You got a fake review, it happens to the best of us! Sometimes fake reviews are good an sometimes they are bad. In any event no one likes it when people make stuff up about them. You have several options after getting a fake review. You can message the poster and ask him if hes mixed you up with someone else. Be nice and try to keep your cool, don’t blast him for being the dirt bag he is. Give him a reason to remove it all on his own. I find sweetness and guilt can work wonders. Some review websites will work with you if you believe a review to be fake. Give them the info they need to take it down. If your tour schedule shows you are in Idaho when this guy from Rhode Island posted your fake review you might be able to get the site to remove it all on their own. If you are connected enough ask a third party  respected by both sides of the equation to mediate the dispute. It doesn’t always work but sometimes, just sometimes it does. If all else fails just forget the fake review is there. You think all those reviews on Yelp are real? They’re not and the more that the world gets involved with review culture ( yes, I just did say that) the less impact any reviews of any business or service has.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme