Monthly Archives: September 2012

Escorting, Sex Work

Double Time

The other day, I had a noon duo scheduled with a regular of mine. My duo partner, Amy, had never seen him before, but we have great chemistry and I knew he’d love her. I curled my hair, put on roughly seventeen pounds of makeup, and shimmied into garters, stockings, and heels. I made the bed, put on some music, set out condoms, and lit candles. Then, I waited. And at 11:48, Amy came flying into my incall studio in a panic. “Oh, my god! How do you work if you’re on your period? I’m on day 4, and I don’t know what to dooooo!” Now. We scheduled the duo three days prior, so when I asked if she was available, she already knew that The Shining was happening in her no-no bits. She had three days to ask for advice, or use Mr. Google to figure out her shit, but she didn’t. She waited until ten minutes before the client arrived to make her crisis my problem. Fortunately, I’m a boy scout when it comes to being prepared, and I fixed her up with some makeup sponges while briefing her on our client. Then I let her borrow some scissors to trim her bikini area. Then I let her use my deodorant and some hair product. Then I lent her something to wear, because she didn’t bring any lingerie. Then I stashed her stuff in the closet while she threw on some makeup before he arrived. Fortunately, I knew to be totally prepared before she arrived, because I have come to expect that my last ten minutes before any appointment we take together will be spent managing her crises du jour. And I do it without complaining, because

a) she’s pretty awesome in session

b) I genuinely like her as a person, and my clients like us together

c) I consider it a kind of repayment of a karmic debt for all the times I used to be a shitty, shitty trainwreck of a duo partner myself.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Your duo partner is a source of extra income, access to different clients, and can even offer emotional support and sometimes mentor-ship. You owe it to each other to show basic courtesy and professionalism.

Let her know what to expect
If you’ve seen the client before, give her a quick rundown on what to expect. He uses an unnecessary amount of tongue when kissing. He loves giving head. He always tries to milk extra time and needs to be shoved out the door. He absolutely loves it when you laugh at his jokes. It’s courteous to share as much as you can about him, so that she feels as prepared as you are, and not like a third wheel trying to catch up. Likewise, if you only show up to work after half a bottle of wine, or smoking a bowl, or whatever, let your partner know. She may not mind if she knows to expect a tipsy/stoned you, but she deserves to have that information ahead of time, especially if she’s sharing her clients with you and needs to know which ones you would be a good match for. Lastly, check in with each other about how bisexual you each actually are, and how gay you’re willing to be for pay. If you are cool with making out, but not muff diving, make it clear before your client begs to watch you go down on each other.

Have her back
If you take ten minutes to discuss your boundaries ahead of time, you’ll spare yourselves awkward negotiations in-session. Your client may throat fuck you every time, but if you know she’s got a touchy gag reflex, you can make sure you’re the one doing the oral, and she can be the one to do the actual sexing. Help her stay in her comfort zone, and she’ll help you stay in yours.

Be on time
And know what that means. When you agree to a session time, ask what time she’d like you there. If you have a noon booking together, your partner may be cool with you breezing in at 11:55, or she may want help setting up, and be grumbling from 11:30 on about how you’re not pulling your weight. Also, leave yourself a cushion of time to help clean up after. If you are hosting the session in your incall, make sure you’ve got enough time that your partner can shower afterward so she isn’t thrown back into her day freshly-shagged. If you’re a guest at your partner’s incall, ask if you can help strip and make the bed, replace candles, or whatever else needs done.

And speaking of incalls…
If your partner hosts your duos at her place, and provides all the supplies, toys, and atmosphere, show a little consideration from time to time. You don’t ever have to buy candles, condoms, massage oil, gloves, wine, bottled water, chocolate, sheets, towels, incense, or pay rent. If you duo regularly under those circumstances, take her to lunch or out for a mani pedi to say thanks. If you duo only once, or once in awhile, a Starbucks card, a couple of fancy chocolates, or a bottle of wine are all nice gestures. It also might be more appropriate just to buy a couple of boxes of her favorite brand of condoms as a way of acknowledging her hospitality. A small gesture goes a long way in showing your duo partner that you value your relationship with her, and can lead to her sharing more business with you in the future. If you’re the one hosting, and want more of a contribution from your duo partner, it’s fair to ask a per-session fee if you’re supplying everything. Keep in mind when choosing your fee, though, that it’s bad form to ask a space-use fee and expect help preparing and cleaning. If you paid for a hotel room, it’s 100% legit to take the cost of the room off the top before splitting the donation, just make sure to mention it to her upfront.

Respect her privacy
This should go without saying, but unfortunately it doesn’t. Make damn sure you’re using her stage name, not her legal name, ever. Don’t tell your clients jack shit about her. Don’t bring up her kids, her hometown, or even her hobbies if she doesn’t bring them up with him first. And don’t talk to other girls about her, either. If she wants to share something about herself, she can. Stick to your own stories, and know that if you talk shit about her to other
people, it will get back to her eventually, and you will come out of it looking like a supreme asshole–and not just to your partner, either. If you can’t respect her privacy, clients will be reluctant to trust you with theirs, and if you’re a gossip behind her back, no other girls will want to work with you. Say she’s beautiful, charming, brilliant, a great kisser–and then shut up.

Beatrice Darling: GFE Escort, Traveling Companion

You can also follow Beatrice on Twitter @missobdurate

Community, Sex Work

Honoring a Fallen Fairy Whore Mother

Last Thursday marked the passing of one of the original Fairy Whore Mothers for this generation of hookers. Robyn Few was a sex worker and an activist for years, and was instrumental in founding both Sex Workers Outreach Project and the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers (December 17). While I did not know her well, and though her death was imminent and expected after a long struggle with cancer, her death deeply shook me up. I only met Robyn a handful of times, and admittedly did not know her at the best time of her life. I’ve been struggling to find a way to describe the impact she had on my life despite the brief personal interactions we actually had. She was closer to people that I am close to. But much of my work is a continuation of hers, and she was the matriarch of our sex work activist family. With all the complications and dysfunction that could possibly entail.

The first time I met her I was still fairly new to sex work activism, and she greeted me like she did so many of us. With a solo cup full of joints extended in offering. We were surrounded by other sex workers and sex work activists, and Robyn was full of nothing but joy and hope for most of that weekend. During one particularly memorable conversation I asked her advice about dealing with difficulties in activism, and specifically difficulties in working with other sex workers. Her response was “those who can, must.” I was extremely frustrated at the time, because what I wanted was someone to hold my hand and give me a checklist of things to do to fix my city, and subsequently the world. But her words stuck with me, and I revisited them later with her. I don’t remember her exact phrasing, which is probably related to the solo cup filled with joints, but it was something along the lines of that those of us who have something to give, must help to the capacity that we are able. And we also need to recognize when we just can’t give or help anymore. But it is a philosophy that has stuck with me. It’s part of what drives me every day to do hours of unpaid labor. Because I can. And because it needs to be done. And because many of those who would benefit most cannot do it for a myriad of reasons.

We live complicated lives, and everyone leaves a complex legacy. Too often sex workers fade into a long list of dead hookers, another name that we now read on December 17. Robyn helped build the foundations for a community of sex workers and activists for sex workers rights that lives on past her own lifetime. And by striving to make sure that sex workers lives were valued instead of erased, that we could turn to each other for help and support, and that the institutional harms done against us every goddamn day might be eradicated, or at least improved, she left a legacy that will not be forgotten. And she inspired a new generation of hookers and activists that will keep on fighting. I cannot think of a better way to be remembered.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Escorting, Fetish Model, Sex Work

Clockwatching For Pros

As sex workers, we charge our clients for our time. Whether we have clients for an hour or charge by the minute, we need to be aware of how much time is passing. At the same time clients understandably are not comfortable or happy with “clockwatchers” who are so focused on the time that they aren’t paying attention to their service. So how do we keep track of time without obsessing over every moment?

1. Playlist

Make a playlist that lasts about as long as you want your session to last. This works well for just about every situation. Have a sensual GFE escorting session? Put together 1 hour and 50 minutes of songs that set a romantic, intimate atmosphere. Doing a gold show striptease? Make an 18 minute playlist of dance music. Basically – shave a couple minutes off your total session/show time for conversation and leeway, set your atmosphere, and when the music stops you know things are wrapping up.

As a bonus you can use your playlist to set the tone and rhythm to your session. You can set the pace as to when things heat up, speed up, and wind down. When you know your music well, you can follow it in your head and know about how much time has past and how much you have left.

2. Safe call

This is good advice for both time and safety. Tell someone where you’re going and how long you expect to be there. When I worked for an agency – this was automatically built into my appointments. I called when I arrived, which signaled the start of the appointment (as well as told them I was ok and comfortable – or that I wasn’t and was leaving) and five minutes before the end of the appointment I received a call asking if we were extending the session or not. If I didn’t answer or call back within fifteen minutes they would know I was in crisis and call the cops. You can recreate that with a friend or colleague.

3. Alarm

You can also fake a safe call with the use of the alarm clock app on your phone. You can set it to sound like a ringtone, fake answer the phone, and let the client or producer think that someone is looking out for you. It’s not ideal, but it will keep you on track of time, and perhaps give you an extra layer of security.

4. Stopwatch

This really only works for sex work that doesn’t occur in person. But when I am in a private show on cam I have a stopwatch next to the computer so I can easily see how much time is passing. It’s easier than trying to do math by the clock and helps me keep a good rhythm for the show – which can also extend a show by a couple minutes – which increases your income! On the phone it’s super easy because, well, most cell phones tell you how long your call has lasted and all you have to do is check it. Skype does the same thing.

5. Convenient Placement

If you hate all those options and have the option of designing your own incall – put lots of clocks in convenient places that you can check without being obvious. You can make them pretty so it’s not blatant that your room is designed for a session to run like clockwork. You can also use mirrors to reflect the time around the room if you know where to look. And you will know – the clients won’t. Test your room out to see if you can see the time in a variety of locations and positions around the room.

After a while most people develop an internal clock and can mentally keep track of time. For some of us, keeping track of time is a challenge. I rely on gadgets and tricks because my brain doesn’t do it for me. Know your weaknesses and find ways to work around them.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

Internet, Marketing, Sex Work

Think Before You Tweet

Over sharing is an epidemic on the Internet. All kinds of people share way too much about themselves and their daily activities. From pictures of their lunch ad nauseum to tweeting live during a bad date without their new companion knowing the horrible things they are saying about them behind their back. For a sex worker how much personal info to share with the world can be difficult waters to navigate. Lots of our business be you escort or adult film star comes from personality. People think they know you as a result they buy your films, clips, web-cam time or book an in person session and that’s a good thing. You want them to feel like they know you or at least know your “persona” but there’s a line to walk between the personal and the over personal.  For example, you don’t want to fucking tweet about your gonorrhea! For the love of god learn the line between sharing and OVER sharing.

When you’re feeling depressed that might be a good time to get off line and not tweet or blog a long sad woe is me blog. When the money isn’t flowing do not tweet about it, no one wants to eat in an empty restaurant. Instead plan some new ways to bring in cash, do not write a long emo style I cant make any money in this business dissertation about how no one likes you, in hopes that the anonymous masses will come rescue you. They wont and you will probably attract trolls and then you have a whole new problem.  When you get knocked up by a client ( we all know what “uninhibited experience” or whatever jargon is being used means) do not tweet about it and then go on to tweet  every move you make from getting Plan B, to its subsequent failure, to your trip to get your abortion.  No your protected tweets wont stop everyone from knowing, your over sharing will only get passed around in email. It might be alright for Amanda Palmer to sing about the abortion she got in college, shes an artist trying to make a point. Your a sex worker and that kinda sharing isn’t going to gain you money, clients or respect among your peers. I would even go so far as to say it wont bring you the sympathetic words, thoughts and deeds from the Internet you are hoping it will bring you.

Yes, we all have bad days. Yes, we all make mistakes, but do not forget that when you are a sex worker your brand is who you are. You wouldn’t see “Coke” tweeting about how they are being sued by a customer over their product making people fat, or  big Tobacco writing long blogs about people saying mean things about them and accusing them of giving people cancer in hopes that the Internet would feel sorry for them. No, they keep that shit under wraps. Why? Because info like that could hurt their brand and subsequently their pocketbooks. Big Tobacco doesn’t want people thinking cancer when they think cigarettes and you don’t want potential customers to think pathetic, unsafe, crazy, or stupid when they think of you. You want to manage the bad info not increase it nor do you want to shine a bight shinny light on it. If you get an STI, go to the doctor and do whatever you need to do to fix that problem. Don’t tweet pictures of yourself in the stirrups at the gyno getting your PAP with a caption “My STI and Me” #ImUnsafe. If you are having a bad day and feel sad, take it off line and talk to a friend about it. They care about you they will take the time to prop you up when you feel sad or down or are having a bad day. When you get knocked up and have to cancel a tour, say it’s because you have a family emergency not because you raw dogged a client and now have to “get rid of your little problem” don’t attention seek from the Internet. You will only turn potential money off and the goal here is to make more money, not less money. Learn how to ride the line of the personal and too personal because you want potential customers to feel like they know you, with out giving too much about yourself away. It takes time to master and we all stumble but think before you tweet, blog, or act out on the tubes. Will this temper tantrum hurt my business, will this tweet come back to haunt my bottom line? Will this blog/tweet/post help my wallet or a the very least not hurt it.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer, Phone Sex Operator and Hypno-Domme.

Fetish Model, Internet, Marketing, Sex Work, Webcam

Being a BBW Means You’re Fat

It’s a very rare thought process to wake up one morning and think to yourself “my goal for the next 6 months is to gain 25-50 lbs of pure fat.”  Gaining weight isn’t looked at fondly by “society.”  The thing is, there is an entire population of porn and fetish watchers who are into big women (and men for that matter!), and that population watches a LOT of porn.

Being a BBW/BHM is awesome. As you’ll find in any niche porn, once you’ve got fans, they are fans for life and they are loyal fans. Find what works for you as a BBW/BHM and stick to it. You could stick to the fetish side such as feeder/feedee, domination, or belly play, all of which are extremely popular for BBW/BHM since they feed directly into the larger than life fantasy. Or maybe more on the porn side with straight up hardcore sex. Even as escorts, there is a huge demand for larger than life people, and not a lot of people to fill that demand. I would give the same advice to anyone though—finding your niche is vital and can make or break you.

Being a BBW or BHM means that you’re going to encounter a lot of ridicule. There is no easy way around that fact. Here’s the thing though: the acronym “BBW” and “BHM” are not there to demean you or make you feel ugly. Both use words that are positive reinforcements of your attractiveness. Big beautiful women and big handsome men have just as much insecurity as men and women of average weight. However, the ridicule coming from an anonymous population of people you don’t know can be much easier to handle than the ridicule that comes from your biggest enemy: yourself. Looking in the mirror may not be an easy task, but it may be a lot easier than standing on a scale in the morning wishing that you dropped a pound or two. Confidence radiates just as much as insecurity radiates, so learn to conquer your self-loathing. There is something to be said about a person of any size or shape that radiates confidence! When I first started as a cam girl, I weighed 135 at 5’2” and I was 19 years old. Even then, I was “too fat” for the people who liked skinny girls and constantly had people telling me to loose weight. I’m now 24, and at 5’3” I weigh just below 200lbs. The fat comments haven’t stopped, but the compliments have increased. One of my favorite ways of dealing with fat comments is to point out that whomever is making them is a real genius at pointing out the obvious. Until my youtube channel got shut down, I had a video I would refer people to, about 30 seconds in length of me saying something along the lines of “Saying that I’m fat is like pointing out that dogs have hair. DUH!” and laughing. I got more positive feedback for that 30 seconds than I’ve gotten for anything else, and the people calling me fat ate their words as they sat behind their anonymous youtube profile playing keyboard warrior.

As always, be safe. There IS work out there for BBW/BHM and a lot of money to be made. Do your research on the company you’re working for, or if you’re working for yourself, research BBW porn or fetishism and understand it so you can best cater to it.Don’t be afraid of your body—insecurity shows, even on camera. Learn to laugh at the people putting you down and calling you names.

Sydney Screams: Fetish Model, Clip Producer, Adult Actress, Radio Talk Show Host