Category Archives: Escorting

Intercourse is intercourse

People ask all the time from seasoned pros to young hopefuls looking to get into the sex business. Even clients who are looking for a way to beat the system ask.  They ask over and over and over. It’s one of my most searched terms on my websites “is using a strap on on a client prostitution?” The hope is always that no, fucking someone with a strap-on in exchange for cash isn’t considered prostitution. Hope does spring eternal. The simple fact is intercourse is intercourse and fucking someone with your hand, your sexual organs, your mouth or an object in exchange for cash is prostitution. There’s no getting around it. You can call yourself a Pro Domme and maybe you are or maybe you hope to be but if you offer strap-on play as one of your services then you are engaging in an act of prostitution. In some states (most check your local laws) just agreeing to such an act will get you popped and off you will go on a ride to the county clink. I know people want to believe it’s somehow legal to fuck someone with a strap on for cash because its seems like a gray area but its not, Its not a gray area its an act of prostitution. Don’t try to game the system by lying to yourself about what it is your doing. Just accept the fact that what you are offering isn’t legal and take the necessary precaution if you decide to offer this activity be you Pro Domme or provider and screen your potential clients to make sure you’re not putting yourself in a bad position or harms way in terms of your freedom.

You don’t have to call your self a prostitute and  leave those disclaimers up in your website that say you’re a Pro Domme not a hooker if it makes you feel better but it wont protect you if you offer illegal activities and you happen to be unlucky enough to be the one who booked the session with a man in a undercover uniform. Hookers all have disclaimers on their sites too, you know the ones “all fees are for time and companionship only… blah blah” they also wont help if you get arrested. Only screening can help you. Only weeding out possible bad situations can help you. There is never no risk when you are engaging in activities frowned upon by penal code XYZ, but the idea is to minimize your risk. Your best tool in that is to screen your clients and screen well.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer, Phone Sex Operator and Hypno-Domme

Being Your Very Own Fairy Whore Mother… or maybe not?

a.k.a, When and How to Help a Fellow Whore and When to Politely Decline.

Now as you know, we over here at Fairy Whore Mother thought there was a severe lack in resources for sex workers in the realm of “How-To” (or in some cases, “How-NOT-To”).  So, being that ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ and all that happy horseshit, add in the fact that we like helping and love our community and VOILA!, you have the awesomeness that is FWM. We also like seeing others reaching out to help one another survive in this crazy business. It really warms our cold, black little hearts. Many sex workers get solicited for advice on how to get into the biz, how to make more money while IN the biz, how to use a new platform/software/website, how to transition into a new sector of the biz… and so on and so forth. If you’ve been in this business for any amount of time at all, I’m sure you’ve been asked any or all of those questions a time or two. (If you haven’t, give it a little time, I’m sure it’s coming.) Giving a little help to a fellow ho (if you want to) can feel really fucking awesome BUT it can also be a big responsibility. Here’s a few things to ask yourself before becoming someone’s Patron Saint of Whoring.

What are your intentions?

Please don’t offer your help to a colleague if you’re only looking to make money off them. If you are starting a legit consulting business, congratulations, go for it. Be upfront about your pricing and do your thing, sugar! But if you’re not and you’re only willing to help others because getting them to sign up with the cam/phone/booty shaking company you work with solely because it gets you a referral bonus? Do us all a favor and don’t. That makes you look pretty damn shady. I’ve recommended the camming platform and clips sites I use because I’ve had good experiences with them and am comfortable suggesting them to others. Referrals are great and you shouldn’t feel guilty for getting them but really, in my opinion it’s not that important and I’ve never done the whole “be sure to tell them I sent you… blah blah blah…” spiel.

Be honest.

If someone has come to you for guidance and you’re inclined to give it, be truthful. I’ve shared my experiences when asked for them and I always try to give real, honest answers. Inflating my own success isn’t going to help anyone earn a proper paycheck if I’m really trying to help someone. Don’t lie about how much you make or how successful you are to someone who is seeking out your help. If you are friendly enough with this person to share something as intimate as your income, be a decent human and be honest. If you’re not comfortable sharing it, don’t. You’re not a bad person if that information feels too personal or intimate to give out and you shouldn’t feel guilty for saying so.

Do you know what you’re talking about?

Please be honest with yourself about your own expertise. If you don’t have enough insight to help another, don’t feel bad in simply saying so. In my experience, people have a really fucking hard time simply saying “I don’t know.” and give whatever dumbass convoluted mashup of wrong information that comes to their minds. There’s no shame in saying, “Sorry, I really am still figuring it all out for myself and may not be the best to help you get started.” You can direct them to someone you think may be better equipped and that is perfectly ok.

Are you willing to tell them ALL they need to know?

If you’re going to give them a little “starter advice” and then give them the sink-or-swim treatment, don’t even bother. Because honestly? You can do way more harm than good. If you’re going to take the responsibility of being someone’s “mentor”, you better give them ALL the pertinent details of the work. ESPECIALLY regarding safety tips and privacy concerns. I once listened in horror when I was told a cautionary tale about a provider getting a woman into escorting and then giving her NO advice on screening or privacy. Later, this newbie was outted to her family due to poor discretion practices that could have easily been avoided if she had gotten ANY advice on those things from her so-called “mentor”. Yes, it was the newbie’s responsibility to do her research on how to protect herself but she trusted this escort whom she thought was her friend and relied solely on her as she began her escorting career.

So if you decide you’d like to help someone the next time they ask for your assistance in this industry, do it with good intentions, be honest with yourself and them, and give them the full picture. You don’t need to write their whole damn business plan but do give them all the pertinent details; especially the information they’ll need begin successfully and safely.

Do you have any tips? I’d love to hear them in the comments!

Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina

Double Time

The other day, I had a noon duo scheduled with a regular of mine. My duo partner, Amy, had never seen him before, but we have great chemistry and I knew he’d love her. I curled my hair, put on roughly seventeen pounds of makeup, and shimmied into garters, stockings, and heels. I made the bed, put on some music, set out condoms, and lit candles. Then, I waited. And at 11:48, Amy came flying into my incall studio in a panic. “Oh, my god! How do you work if you’re on your period? I’m on day 4, and I don’t know what to dooooo!” Now. We scheduled the duo three days prior, so when I asked if she was available, she already knew that The Shining was happening in her no-no bits. She had three days to ask for advice, or use Mr. Google to figure out her shit, but she didn’t. She waited until ten minutes before the client arrived to make her crisis my problem. Fortunately, I’m a boy scout when it comes to being prepared, and I fixed her up with some makeup sponges while briefing her on our client. Then I let her borrow some scissors to trim her bikini area. Then I let her use my deodorant and some hair product. Then I lent her something to wear, because she didn’t bring any lingerie. Then I stashed her stuff in the closet while she threw on some makeup before he arrived. Fortunately, I knew to be totally prepared before she arrived, because I have come to expect that my last ten minutes before any appointment we take together will be spent managing her crises du jour. And I do it without complaining, because

a) she’s pretty awesome in session

b) I genuinely like her as a person, and my clients like us together

c) I consider it a kind of repayment of a karmic debt for all the times I used to be a shitty, shitty trainwreck of a duo partner myself.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Your duo partner is a source of extra income, access to different clients, and can even offer emotional support and sometimes mentor-ship. You owe it to each other to show basic courtesy and professionalism.

Let her know what to expect
If you’ve seen the client before, give her a quick rundown on what to expect. He uses an unnecessary amount of tongue when kissing. He loves giving head. He always tries to milk extra time and needs to be shoved out the door. He absolutely loves it when you laugh at his jokes. It’s courteous to share as much as you can about him, so that she feels as prepared as you are, and not like a third wheel trying to catch up. Likewise, if you only show up to work after half a bottle of wine, or smoking a bowl, or whatever, let your partner know. She may not mind if she knows to expect a tipsy/stoned you, but she deserves to have that information ahead of time, especially if she’s sharing her clients with you and needs to know which ones you would be a good match for. Lastly, check in with each other about how bisexual you each actually are, and how gay you’re willing to be for pay. If you are cool with making out, but not muff diving, make it clear before your client begs to watch you go down on each other.

Have her back
If you take ten minutes to discuss your boundaries ahead of time, you’ll spare yourselves awkward negotiations in-session. Your client may throat fuck you every time, but if you know she’s got a touchy gag reflex, you can make sure you’re the one doing the oral, and she can be the one to do the actual sexing. Help her stay in her comfort zone, and she’ll help you stay in yours.

Be on time
And know what that means. When you agree to a session time, ask what time she’d like you there. If you have a noon booking together, your partner may be cool with you breezing in at 11:55, or she may want help setting up, and be grumbling from 11:30 on about how you’re not pulling your weight. Also, leave yourself a cushion of time to help clean up after. If you are hosting the session in your incall, make sure you’ve got enough time that your partner can shower afterward so she isn’t thrown back into her day freshly-shagged. If you’re a guest at your partner’s incall, ask if you can help strip and make the bed, replace candles, or whatever else needs done.

And speaking of incalls…
If your partner hosts your duos at her place, and provides all the supplies, toys, and atmosphere, show a little consideration from time to time. You don’t ever have to buy candles, condoms, massage oil, gloves, wine, bottled water, chocolate, sheets, towels, incense, or pay rent. If you duo regularly under those circumstances, take her to lunch or out for a mani pedi to say thanks. If you duo only once, or once in awhile, a Starbucks card, a couple of fancy chocolates, or a bottle of wine are all nice gestures. It also might be more appropriate just to buy a couple of boxes of her favorite brand of condoms as a way of acknowledging her hospitality. A small gesture goes a long way in showing your duo partner that you value your relationship with her, and can lead to her sharing more business with you in the future. If you’re the one hosting, and want more of a contribution from your duo partner, it’s fair to ask a per-session fee if you’re supplying everything. Keep in mind when choosing your fee, though, that it’s bad form to ask a space-use fee and expect help preparing and cleaning. If you paid for a hotel room, it’s 100% legit to take the cost of the room off the top before splitting the donation, just make sure to mention it to her upfront.

Respect her privacy
This should go without saying, but unfortunately it doesn’t. Make damn sure you’re using her stage name, not her legal name, ever. Don’t tell your clients jack shit about her. Don’t bring up her kids, her hometown, or even her hobbies if she doesn’t bring them up with him first. And don’t talk to other girls about her, either. If she wants to share something about herself, she can. Stick to your own stories, and know that if you talk shit about her to other
people, it will get back to her eventually, and you will come out of it looking like a supreme asshole–and not just to your partner, either. If you can’t respect her privacy, clients will be reluctant to trust you with theirs, and if you’re a gossip behind her back, no other girls will want to work with you. Say she’s beautiful, charming, brilliant, a great kisser–and then shut up.

Beatrice Darling: GFE Escort, Traveling Companion

You can also follow Beatrice on Twitter @missobdurate

Clockwatching For Pros

As sex workers, we charge our clients for our time. Whether we have clients for an hour or charge by the minute, we need to be aware of how much time is passing. At the same time clients understandably are not comfortable or happy with “clockwatchers” who are so focused on the time that they aren’t paying attention to their service. So how do we keep track of time without obsessing over every moment?

1. Playlist

Make a playlist that lasts about as long as you want your session to last. This works well for just about every situation. Have a sensual GFE escorting session? Put together 1 hour and 50 minutes of songs that set a romantic, intimate atmosphere. Doing a gold show striptease? Make an 18 minute playlist of dance music. Basically – shave a couple minutes off your total session/show time for conversation and leeway, set your atmosphere, and when the music stops you know things are wrapping up.

As a bonus you can use your playlist to set the tone and rhythm to your session. You can set the pace as to when things heat up, speed up, and wind down. When you know your music well, you can follow it in your head and know about how much time has past and how much you have left.

2. Safe call

This is good advice for both time and safety. Tell someone where you’re going and how long you expect to be there. When I worked for an agency – this was automatically built into my appointments. I called when I arrived, which signaled the start of the appointment (as well as told them I was ok and comfortable – or that I wasn’t and was leaving) and five minutes before the end of the appointment I received a call asking if we were extending the session or not. If I didn’t answer or call back within fifteen minutes they would know I was in crisis and call the cops. You can recreate that with a friend or colleague.

3. Alarm

You can also fake a safe call with the use of the alarm clock app on your phone. You can set it to sound like a ringtone, fake answer the phone, and let the client or producer think that someone is looking out for you. It’s not ideal, but it will keep you on track of time, and perhaps give you an extra layer of security.

4. Stopwatch

This really only works for sex work that doesn’t occur in person. But when I am in a private show on cam I have a stopwatch next to the computer so I can easily see how much time is passing. It’s easier than trying to do math by the clock and helps me keep a good rhythm for the show – which can also extend a show by a couple minutes – which increases your income! On the phone it’s super easy because, well, most cell phones tell you how long your call has lasted and all you have to do is check it. Skype does the same thing.

5. Convenient Placement

If you hate all those options and have the option of designing your own incall – put lots of clocks in convenient places that you can check without being obvious. You can make them pretty so it’s not blatant that your room is designed for a session to run like clockwork. You can also use mirrors to reflect the time around the room if you know where to look. And you will know – the clients won’t. Test your room out to see if you can see the time in a variety of locations and positions around the room.

After a while most people develop an internal clock and can mentally keep track of time. For some of us, keeping track of time is a challenge. I rely on gadgets and tricks because my brain doesn’t do it for me. Know your weaknesses and find ways to work around them.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.

The Choice Is Critical

An assistant is just that someone to assist you with your daily tasks, in hookerland this means; phones, emails and screening. Over the past 2 years I’ve had the pleasure of using a fabulous assistant when I needed a little extra help on tour. However I’ve been lucky. Many escorts run into serious issues with the assistant they have hired or  or fired. Extortion, blackballing, public outings and client black booking are just a few of the issues. I’m hoping with the advice here you are able to find your perfect assistant.

1. No one knows ho business like a ho

You should only hire a retired escort. She knows first hand what can happen if screening isn’t up to par (like jail or death) Your everyday person isn’t going to know how or where to begin screening your potential clients or how to spot a potential issue.

2. A great assistant will never pretend to be you.

How sketchy would it be to talk to someone on the phone then meet them later in the day, their voice is different and they can’t recall what you talked about? You’d head straight for the door if this happened. You’re a busy professional, you’ve hired help, show it off.  Be up front on your website and ads about having an assistant. This should nip any confusion in the butt.

3. References

In our world reputation is everything! Any assistant you are interested in hiring should provide you with references of current or former employers. Do not accept the “client confidentiality” BS. I will gladly vouch for my former assistant via email or phone anytime she needs me to. I suggest you email the references and ask for a little phone time as well asking questions like,  how long services were used, what was provided, any issues, any areas that could use improvement, client opinions of the assistant and why they’re no longer using the services.

4. Price

NEVER EVER pay an assistant a percentage of your income or a fee per booking, this gives incentive to cut corners and take risks to make more money. As a general rule of thumb you should pay your hourly rate per week. Industry average is $400 per week. If you can’t afford that you need a new business plan not an assistant.

5. Services Provided

This is never the same from assistant to assistant. First determine what you need. For myself it was phone help as I loath talking on the phone but why not take advantage of a package deal when offered?  Phones, emails, screening, booking, travel arrangements, check in/out, the possibilities are endless.

Finding the right assistant isn’t easy and it shouldn’t be. You are entrusting someone with your well being and safety not just getting a little extra phone help. Be smart about it, chose carefully, think though all the possible ramifications and potential pitfalls. The extra time it takes to make a smart decision is well worth the effort.

Ginger McNaughty: National Touring Escort

Follow Ginger on Twitter @GingerMcNaughty