Tag Archives: community

Community, Escorting, Fetish Model, Sex Work, Uncategorized, Webcam

Being Your Very Own Fairy Whore Mother… or maybe not?

a.k.a, When and How to Help a Fellow Whore and When to Politely Decline.

Now as you know, we over here at Fairy Whore Mother thought there was a severe lack in resources for sex workers in the realm of “How-To” (or in some cases, “How-NOT-To”).  So, being that ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ and all that happy horseshit, add in the fact that we like helping and love our community and VOILA!, you have the awesomeness that is FWM. We also like seeing others reaching out to help one another survive in this crazy business. It really warms our cold, black little hearts. Many sex workers get solicited for advice on how to get into the biz, how to make more money while IN the biz, how to use a new platform/software/website, how to transition into a new sector of the biz… and so on and so forth. If you’ve been in this business for any amount of time at all, I’m sure you’ve been asked any or all of those questions a time or two. (If you haven’t, give it a little time, I’m sure it’s coming.) Giving a little help to a fellow ho (if you want to) can feel really fucking awesome BUT it can also be a big responsibility. Here’s a few things to ask yourself before becoming someone’s Patron Saint of Whoring.

What are your intentions?

Please don’t offer your help to a colleague if you’re only looking to make money off them. If you are starting a legit consulting business, congratulations, go for it. Be upfront about your pricing and do your thing, sugar! But if you’re not and you’re only willing to help others because getting them to sign up with the cam/phone/booty shaking company you work with solely because it gets you a referral bonus? Do us all a favor and don’t. That makes you look pretty damn shady. I’ve recommended the camming platform and clips sites I use because I’ve had good experiences with them and am comfortable suggesting them to others. Referrals are great and you shouldn’t feel guilty for getting them but really, in my opinion it’s not that important and I’ve never done the whole “be sure to tell them I sent you… blah blah blah…” spiel.

Be honest.

If someone has come to you for guidance and you’re inclined to give it, be truthful. I’ve shared my experiences when asked for them and I always try to give real, honest answers. Inflating my own success isn’t going to help anyone earn a proper paycheck if I’m really trying to help someone. Don’t lie about how much you make or how successful you are to someone who is seeking out your help. If you are friendly enough with this person to share something as intimate as your income, be a decent human and be honest. If you’re not comfortable sharing it, don’t. You’re not a bad person if that information feels too personal or intimate to give out and you shouldn’t feel guilty for saying so.

Do you know what you’re talking about?

Please be honest with yourself about your own expertise. If you don’t have enough insight to help another, don’t feel bad in simply saying so. In my experience, people have a really fucking hard time simply saying “I don’t know.” and give whatever dumbass convoluted mashup of wrong information that comes to their minds. There’s no shame in saying, “Sorry, I really am still figuring it all out for myself and may not be the best to help you get started.” You can direct them to someone you think may be better equipped and that is perfectly ok.

Are you willing to tell them ALL they need to know?

If you’re going to give them a little “starter advice” and then give them the sink-or-swim treatment, don’t even bother. Because honestly? You can do way more harm than good. If you’re going to take the responsibility of being someone’s “mentor”, you better give them ALL the pertinent details of the work. ESPECIALLY regarding safety tips and privacy concerns. I once listened in horror when I was told a cautionary tale about a provider getting a woman into escorting and then giving her NO advice on screening or privacy. Later, this newbie was outted to her family due to poor discretion practices that could have easily been avoided if she had gotten ANY advice on those things from her so-called “mentor”. Yes, it was the newbie’s responsibility to do her research on how to protect herself but she trusted this escort whom she thought was her friend and relied solely on her as she began her escorting career.

So if you decide you’d like to help someone the next time they ask for your assistance in this industry, do it with good intentions, be honest with yourself and them, and give them the full picture. You don’t need to write their whole damn business plan but do give them all the pertinent details; especially the information they’ll need begin successfully and safely.

Do you have any tips? I’d love to hear them in the comments!

Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina

Escorting, Sex Work

The Choice Is Critical

An assistant is just that someone to assist you with your daily tasks, in hookerland this means; phones, emails and screening. Over the past 2 years I’ve had the pleasure of using a fabulous assistant when I needed a little extra help on tour. However I’ve been lucky. Many escorts run into serious issues with the assistant they have hired or  or fired. Extortion, blackballing, public outings and client black booking are just a few of the issues. I’m hoping with the advice here you are able to find your perfect assistant.

1. No one knows ho business like a ho

You should only hire a retired escort. She knows first hand what can happen if screening isn’t up to par (like jail or death) Your everyday person isn’t going to know how or where to begin screening your potential clients or how to spot a potential issue.

2. A great assistant will never pretend to be you.

How sketchy would it be to talk to someone on the phone then meet them later in the day, their voice is different and they can’t recall what you talked about? You’d head straight for the door if this happened. You’re a busy professional, you’ve hired help, show it off.  Be up front on your website and ads about having an assistant. This should nip any confusion in the butt.

3. References

In our world reputation is everything! Any assistant you are interested in hiring should provide you with references of current or former employers. Do not accept the “client confidentiality” BS. I will gladly vouch for my former assistant via email or phone anytime she needs me to. I suggest you email the references and ask for a little phone time as well asking questions like,  how long services were used, what was provided, any issues, any areas that could use improvement, client opinions of the assistant and why they’re no longer using the services.

4. Price

NEVER EVER pay an assistant a percentage of your income or a fee per booking, this gives incentive to cut corners and take risks to make more money. As a general rule of thumb you should pay your hourly rate per week. Industry average is $400 per week. If you can’t afford that you need a new business plan not an assistant.

5. Services Provided

This is never the same from assistant to assistant. First determine what you need. For myself it was phone help as I loath talking on the phone but why not take advantage of a package deal when offered?  Phones, emails, screening, booking, travel arrangements, check in/out, the possibilities are endless.

Finding the right assistant isn’t easy and it shouldn’t be. You are entrusting someone with your well being and safety not just getting a little extra phone help. Be smart about it, chose carefully, think though all the possible ramifications and potential pitfalls. The extra time it takes to make a smart decision is well worth the effort.

Ginger McNaughty: National Touring Escort

Follow Ginger on Twitter @GingerMcNaughty

Community, Sex Work

You Are Not A Special Fucking Snowflake

You are not the first person to do this. You are part of a long line of hookers and performers who have been in this industry and changing this industry since the beginning of history. You are not unique. You are not special. You’re not the first or the only. Chances are good, especially if you’re reading this, that you’re not the best, the worst, the smartest, or the dumbest either. You are not a special fucking snowflake. The sex industry can be extremely isolating. It can feel like you’re the only person in the world who is writing ads, filming smut, or fucking strangers for money. Without a community, it can feel like you’re all on your own. But you’re not. You are running a small business – not reinventing the industry. Don’t turn your entire twitter or blog into a navel gazing self-celebration. Don’t assume that your life and your work are compelling on their own. Don’t fuck over other girls. Don’t assume you can act however you damn well please without consequences. Don’t assume that you know everything. And for fucks sake, don’t get complacent.

This industry is constantly changing, with new technology, new challenges, new opportunities, and new people every single day. And it goes on with or without you. I don’t care who you are, how hot you are, how talented you are, or how even how hard you’ve worked. This industry does not revolve around you.

Don’t worry, there’s a pep talk in here. Because this takes a lot of pressure off of you. You don’t have to be the expert on everything. You get to explore and learn new things. And you get to put aside the adolescent angst that tells you no one understands you. Seriously, give it up. When you don’t think of yourself as the sparkliest, prettiest, hottest shit in the world, you can be yourself and succeed in your own game. You know what else happens? You get to tap into a community of expertise, support, and friendship.

But you have to set aside your ego. And you have to set aside your insecurities. And in case you were wondering, it is in fact blatantly obvious how intertwined the two are. Let them go. Replace them with healthy, sustainable, and flexible self-esteem. It’s better for you, better for business, and better for the whole community.

I can tell you from personal experience that connecting with other sex workers changed my life, both personally and professionally. Everything I post here were lessons I learned the hard way. And all of it was completely avoidable. When I connected with a community of sex workers it changed my attitude, my work practices, my personal life, and my day-to-day life all for the better. I talk a lot about community because it has made my life so much better in so many ways. And I want to give that back. That’s why I’m writing here.

At Fairy Whore Mother we have years of experience between us. But we also have a sense of humility and openness. We learn from each other and from others – both within and outside of the industry. And that’s how we keep going, keep innovating, and keep building. You aren’t the first. You aren’t the last. And you aren’t the only sparkling star on the market. That should be a good thing.

Lauren Kiley: Webcam Girl, Fetish Performer, Fetish Clip Producer, Former Escort, Activist, Dirty Girl Next Door.