Category Archives: Pro Domme

Backpage went poof!

Backpage was shut down. What happens next is panic. I know, I lived though the shut down of the Craig’s List Adult Services shut down. Try to stay calm. You will be okay, develop a new plan. Get to work implementing it.

Read this from a couple years ago, it was written after Redbook disappeared:  http://fairywhoremother.com/4-things-you-can-do-when-your-advertising-venue-disappears/

Here is a running list of places to advertise that still exist. (as of Jan 2017) Some of these cost money, some don’t. Some might be for local areas, others are nationwide. Do your research, see what works for you. Most of all know you will be OK. This happens, it sucks but you are a sex worker you’re already resourceful.  (if you have any sites to ad to this list  please reach out so i can add them. jenny@goodtimejenny.com or on Twitter @jennydemilo )

http://www.eros.com/

http://www.cityvibe.com/

Creating Your Own Demand

Rule_34We all know about Rule 34: There is a fetish for everything. Everything has potential to turn someone on. It’s one of the best things about being a sex worker. You get to create your own niche to the extreme. But how exactly do you build demand once you’ve created your niche? The good news is that it is essentially really easy. The bad news is that it is time consuming. But nobody is going to be successful doing nothing, so I’m just going to assume that you’re not lazy and that you want to fucking work. First off, get your ass on social media. You can’t avoid social media anymore when you’re creating your demand. Hashtags are your best friend on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. But it’s so much more than that!! You have to also network. The sex worker community on Tumblr is one of my absolute favorites. People constantly build each other up, dish out hate on creepers, and reblog advertisements. Just remember that you’re expected to do the same! Use watermarked photos of yourself to advertise your services, whether you’re a pro-Domme, cammer, PSO or escort. Don’t just post the photo though, include your website(s) in the description!

Do a bit of research. Who are the people who have similar interests and where do they hang out? There are forums for just about every kink these days, and forums are a great place to start conversations with potential clients/customers.

Own what you do. Are you a POC into cosplay? Show off your geek knowledge along side your cosplaying photos. You have a personality (even if it’s a made up one), use it to your advantage. By making yourself a relatable individual, people will feel connected to you and more likely to support your services. This can be a problem when you’re a FemDom, as there is a fine balance between being too accessible and not enough. Find that balance! Do something different from everyone else. Nobody likes a copycat. Don’t copy other people!! It’s in poor taste. Standing out from the crowd will make you stand out in peoples’ minds.

Don’t wait for other people. You own you. You control what you do. You cannot expect to sit around and wait for others to make you successful. That’s not how this industry works. Find what you want to do and do it. Don’t wait for companies to hire you. Don’t wait for approval from anyone. Just fucking do it.

Nobody cares about your success more than you, so why on earth are you not doing anything about it? 

Sydney Screams: Fetish Model, Clip Producer, Adult Actress, Radio Talk Show Host

So You Wanna Be A Pro-Domme

So you’re thinking about getting into sex work and working as a Pro-Domme? You’ve always been interested or rather fascinated  in the  mysterious and alluring fetish world and have spent more then a few evenings in your local fetish and goth clubs checking everything out and you know you’d just be great at Dominating men for fat stacks of easy money. It’s not as easy as you think and many hopefuls have gotten nowhere fast by not thinking it through. Here are somethings to remember if you think being a Dominatrix is in your future.

1.  Have skill

Being a Domme is more then just looking good in latex, you need to have actual skill. Take a mental inventory of your abilities and be honest. It’s best not to offer strict shabari bondage or suspension if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing. If you are great at trash talking then maybe mental domination is your thing, if you have amazing flexible feet then think about foot fetish, if you have experience in OTK spanking then do that. Remember the goal might be to cause pain or discomfort but you never want to cause harm. If you don’t feel you have fetish skills in your arsenal to hang out a shingle then its time to invest in some classes, they exist!

2. Look good

One of the big turn on for clients is the look of the Dominatrix he’s seeing. It doesn’t mean you have to have a perfect body, or a 50K wardrobe but you should be pulled together ad have a few things to wear in sessions that make you look amazing and intimidating. Maybe your speciality is OTK spanking then you might want to cultivate a 1950’s  headmistress look, think about what your offering and think about how that should translate into your Dominatrix persona.

3.  Getting the client off

Lets just admit it, clients go see a Domme because it turns them on. What ever their predilection is it’s because they get a sexual charge out of it and they want to get off to whatever that is. Now how this happens is totally up to you and you should know your boundaries going into it. Most clients jerk themselves off towards the end of the session at the direction of the Domme.  Some Dommes offer strap on services (fucking your client in the ass with a dildo, yeah that is prostitution) I know you heard  that being a Dominatrix meant no sex and you’ve read all the hundreds of disclaimers on many a Dommes website saying they are not prostitutes.  Though I do know of a Domme or two who will actually fuck their clients most don’t offer intercourse, many never even take their shinny latex clothes off.   Almost all allow their clients to get off in one way or another because seeing a dominatrix is a sexual experience. It’s up to you to chose how far your willing to go. Remember to protect yourself if you decide to offer more sexually based services. Person to person contact will almost always put you in the same realm as escorts by law enforcement and you need to take precautions

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

 

Never tell clients your real name

Never tell your clients your real name. This would seem like a no brainer right? Well it’s sadly not. Even I have made this terrible mistake and it yes, it has comeback to bite me in the ass. It bears repeating often and over and over…never give your clients your real name. They always ask, they want to be the special one you trust enough to give your real identity to. Don’t be tempted, don’t fall into the trap of the false sense of security that because you are sharing intimate time with a client that you can trust them and share your name too. You can’t. The self proclaimed hobbyists who review escorts on websites are the worst, they share your name and info like 12 year olds trading baseball cards. Don’t fall prey to the old line about how they had to give you screening info so its only fair you tell them who you are. That is a trap you will have to chew your own paw off to escape.

We come up with stage names to protect ourselves. No matter how comfortable we are with what we do the outside world is still very hard on us and the stigma of being a sex worker is very strong. Once a whore always a whore and no matter how many years pass and how many things you’ve done since you will always be branded a whore by certain groups and people. Keep your identity close to the vest so that you can control the outcome of your life and not be outed by some petty, small, person who has a need to punish you for the choices you make.

There are some things you can do to protect yourself if you’re one of those people who has a hard time telling men you’re getting naked with no. Or you would rather not deal with the whole reasonable conversation where they get all butt hurt when you tell them your very valid reasons for not wanting to share your identity with a man who’s paying you for sex. You can create a back story, you have to think of yourself as an onion with many layers. What you need is a fake real name! Something that sounds normal and plain and most of all you can REMEMBER it. Just as you create your sex worker persona, create the fake real you. Know where the fake you went to college, what state the fake you grew up in, a few small intimate details about the fake you that you can easily tell on the fly when you get cornered about who you really are.

I know it seems like a lot to do and a lot to remember but it will become second nature and it will  save you heartache and headache in the long run if you can rattle off  a few convincing details who who you “really” are.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

So You Want to Quit Your Day Job

So you want to quit your day job…

Ok, first thing? Don’t.
Not right away, anyway. You’ve got some serious planning to do first, sugarbritches! It took me nearly a year to get everything ready to go from working in this industry part-time to making it my full-time job and my sole means of income. If this is a choice that you have the luxury of making in advance, make the most of the time you have to make the move as painless as possible.

Are you making at least the same amount of money whoring part-time that you are while working full-time at the day job? If the answer is no, stop reading this article and start honing your skills in your chosen field and come back after the answer is yes. When you’re getting your footing while moving into being your own boss all the time, you’re going to need to take time figuring out a new rhythm, a new schedule, a new well… everything. This could very well eat into your planned “work week” at the beginning and allowing yourself enough time to adjust will save you some serious gray hairs. Especially since there really aren’t any guaranteed paychecks in this biz, bogging yourself down with “holy shit I have to whore for 60 hours to make this week’s bills.” will kill you. KILL YOU. So yes, make sure you are comfortably making your current pay with part-time effort right out of the gate. it will make your transition that much easier. There will be booming times and lean times, be prepared.

Are you prepared to no longer have a mainstream job as an answer when someone asks you what you do for a living? Do you plan on being “out”? To whom? These are questions that you may not have had to think about when this was just a part-time gig but once you are all-in, be prepared to be asked about this “great new job you’ve started” and you should have an answer ready, (whatever it may be) for people that matter to you. Obviously, not everyone needs to know your business but be prepared to be asked, and be asked often. This is also a good time to remind you that at some point in time you could possibly be recognized or god forbid, outted.

Have a hefty amount in savings put away before you give your notice. I hope you’ve been saving your whore money while you’ve been slaving away at your day job because you really never know what adjustments you’re going to need to make once you make your ho job your only job. I saved 6 months worth of expenses because my husband had been laid off the year before and that showed me how important a safety net was, especially with a mortgage.

Let’s talk health insurance. Because let’s be real, this is a giant issue for us all and if you’re leaving a job without health insurance, you better have a plan to replace it. Many of us go without, on a hope and a prayer and lord knows that shit ain’t smart. (I was lucky enough to only have to wait a few months until open enrollment for my husband’s plan through his employer. I know how lucky I was to have had that option.) Paying out of pocket for every last bit of health insurance you’ll need can get CRAZY expensive, and hopefully the Affordable Healthcare Act will help lessen some of the burden in the future. Regardless, it’s always a good idea to do your research and plan for what decisions you’ll need to make.

So yes, if Sex Work is the job you love (or love to hate) and the career path you’re choosing, please don’t jump in hastily. Plan ahead, save your money and come to terms with whatever social hangups others will have about your profession before making the leap.
It’ll serve you well in the long run.

 

Savannah Darling: Fetish Specialist, Webcam Mistress, Phone Sex Operator, Professional Domina