Category Archives: Escorting

4 things you can do when your advertising venue disappears

Panic!You woke up one morning to find the main place, your go to advertising venue, where you advertised for your escort business has suddenly disappeared. It’s gone, vanished, poof… into the mist! It’s normal to feel panic when something like this happens to you and it does happen. It happens more often than people think. You don’t know what to do. How will you make a living? What options do you have to advertise? How will you eat and keep a roof over your head. Before you do anything drastic like walk the streets and put yourself into harms way or see un-screened possibly unsafe clients take a deep breath, a big step back and think.  There are always other options available to you. One website isn’t the end all be all in escort advertising even if that website had a bit of a monopoly on the local market. There are other ways, other options in how to make things work for you and your escort business. You just have to find them.

1. Find new advertising

Hopefully you didn’t have all your eggs in one advertising basket. Sometimes though there is only one good place to advertise in a city or rather one place that has all the business. If you find that place isn’t there any longer then it’s time to find a new advertising venue. Google your city +escorts or any combination there of and look at all the new possible places for you to put up an ad. If the old place that no longer exists was free to advertise and everything else costs then time to pay up. Welcome to the big leagues, the real world where you have to invest in your business. Its called the cost of doing business and its now time to step up your game. You want to chose wisely, don’t go giving your hard earned cash over to just anyone. Do some homework, pick a new place, pay for an ad and most of all, track your results. If it doesn’t work then dump it and try a different one. Try the high end glossy website with expensive ads, try the down and dirty classified ad style site. See what works for you. Be aware that everyone else who used that site is also looking for new advertising too and keep that in the back of your mind while you pick out some new places to advertise. The worlds oldest profession isn’t going go away just because one website is gone. That business will migrate somewhere else, you just have to find it. If your regular advertising site went away because of government interference, your potential clients might be a little gun shy as well and not want to come out to play until things calm down, so maybe the next option is better suited for you.

2. Tour

Get the hell out of dodge for a while, try something new. Go to a new town and make a killing. Turn adversity into profit. Chose your city wisely, don’t go where 100 other girls are all flocking to because they are in the same position as you are. Check out some possible 2nd tier cities or maybe even 3rd tier. Be creative hit a few different places or find one and stick to it and turn in into a working vacation. Odds are you need a vacation anyways.

3. Network with other sex workers

Ask your peers what they are doing to weather this storm. Other sex workers can often be your best resource. Don’t copy them outright though or you might find that you no longer get any support or guidance from them. Ask them how they are handling the change, see if you can glean any insight. You might find their answers enlightening.

4.  Try other kinds of work

Always wanted to give exotic dancing a try? Nows your chance! How about looking into web-camming or of you’re really bold look into acting in some adult films. None of that appeals to you? Then how about looking for a real job (provided you don’t already have one) dust off the resume and see what the big bad world has to offer you. It doesn’t have to be forever and no you wont get paid hundreds of dollars an hour but you might make enough to keep  roof over your head and the lights on for a while until you figure out your next steps.

It can be a scary thing when something you’ve come to rely such as advertising on is suddenly gone. It can and does happen from time to time, this is good reason to diversify your options moving forward. Never put all your eggs in one basket because this business is ever changing, always under attack and you don’t want to find yourself in a tight spot when then change hits you or your city.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, Hypno-Domme and former GFE Escort

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How to spend your advertising dollars

PWoman-holding-bag-of-money-via-Shutterstockaying for advertising sucks, but it is necessary. All successful business pay for advertising and sex work is no different from any other business. Spending your money wisely.. now thats the hard part. It’s hard to know what works and what doesn’t and there’s a lot of superstition involved in sex work advertising. Especially because where you are getting your clients from is often hard to know.  As a result people tend to keep ads up that are not working for them just because they always had them or out of fear that if they make a change their work will slow. Remember just because you like or don’t like a  specific site or because they are friendly to sex workers ( they all should be as you are their clients)  is not reason to keep yourself off it or put yourself on a specific website. You are in this business to make money and advertising is a business decision. If the money you invest in ads pays off then it’s a good investment, if its not paying off how you want then you need to find something that works better for you. A lot of trial and error is involved in sex work advertising, a lot. Set yourself a monthly budget and get to putting up and tracking your ads. Keep in mind that spending your hard earned cash wisely is the key.. so here are some tips to help you get more for your advertising dollar.

1. Track your web hits: Do this! Seriously do it now, right now. Tracking your web hits will often give you the best picture of how people are finding you. What keywords / search terms they are using to find your clip site, your escort site, your blog, etc. Where are you getting link referrals.  (Protip: this is also a good way to see who’s sharing your files if you are a clip producer) If you are paying a company big bucks for an ad and no one is clicking over from that site to your site, then you’re not spending your money well. Not at all, not one wee little bit. You must use all the tools available to you and tracking your web hits is A number one.

2. Ask your clients: Be aware that they often don’t know, cant remember or just plain will lie  about it but it never hurts to ask. When I would get a phone calls, I would always ask “Where did you see my ad?” Often they would say some site I wasn’t listed on cuz they can be stupid, but a lot of the time they would tell me where they actually saw my ad and if i was real lucky what they liked about my ad and why they were moved to call. Bonus! Asking where your ad was found is also a good way to track your bullshit callers too. If the time-wasters are always telling you they saw you on site X well then maybe its time to take your ad off that site. Its not doing you any good and in fact its wasting your time. d=Dealing with time wasters all the time contributes to sex worker burn out in a big way.

01USDA wise veteran escort friend of mine told me way back in the day when I was a baby ho how to figure out where to place my ads and it holds true today, maybe even more so. Do a Google search as if you were a client looking for an escort to see. Google: Escorts, Los Angeles or Escorts, Washington DC or escorts and whatever city/state you happen to be working in. Now look at those sites, you should have a presence on most of them. There will be a mix of junk sites, mall sites and review sites. So take a little time and look them over. Someone is always trying to capitalize on what they think is escort cash cow money so there are new sites popping up all the time, many in fact most never last. Make sure a site has been around a while and is established, look over who else is on the site, anyone you know? Anyone you respect? Does it look like a slapped together directory with stolen photos? Weed out the crap and hone it down to the solid options.  If something offers a free ad and in the top 10 search returns and looks reputable then it might be worth sticking an ad up there and see what happens. If there’s a splashy mall site with a solid reputation in the top 10 then maybe its time to see about what they have to offer, if there’s a review site in the mix and you are a reviewed escort that allows reviews maybe its time to step up a little participation. All things to think about. If that review site has an ad section, get a price list. Then do a cost benefit analysis. If i spend X, i expect to make X in return. Then track as best you can those results. If it pays off great take that ad out again. If it doesn’t then cancel that ad. Remember the Internet is ever changing so you want to fine tune your potential ads all the time. A site that seems great may stop working and its time to move on to something else or maybe a site that under performed made some changes and is performing better so you want to give it a second try. This is an ongoing battle one that you will have to adapt too all the time. It will drive you nuts but its worth the effort and your time.

Do all the free advertising you can and by that I mean, If you like to blog then write a blog, If you like to take pictures of what you had for lunch then get an Instagram, if you enjoy reposting sexy photos give Tumblr a try. Of course tweet but remember this is your work persona and keep that in mind when you are tweeting up a storm. Make sure if you use 3rd party sites that you carefully read their TOS and keep it clean if they require that. You don’t want to get kicked off sites just when your marketing was starting to pay off there.

Find out what works for you. Invest your advertising dollars wisely. Then go out there and bring home the bacon.

Hagglers, Ugh!

Haggler If you are a sex worker then you’ve experienced “The Haggler” All sex workers deal with him at one point or another no matter what your discipline. Sex workers see more than their fair share of guys looking to get what ever it is they offer on the cheap. I would venture the see more people looking for discounts then used car salesmen.  It can be frustrating, it can be insulting, it can be offensive or it can just be annoying like a gnat circling your head on a hot day. In any event dealing with them and not letting it effect both your bottom line and your mental and emotional well being is important. Here are a few different kinds of hagglers out there on the prowl and strategies for dealing with them when they pop up in your inbox.

1. The birthday haggler
“It’s my birthday can I get a discount?”  This one always befuddles me why should I care that its someone I don’t knows birthday. It happens all the time though, this haggler is always trying to angle for a discount be it his real birthday or not. You can always say polity, “as it says on my site/profile/blog/ i do not offer discounts” Or you can ask him what kind of discount he’s looking for. Say your rate is 600 and then haggler in question wants to see you but pay 400 thats a 200 dollar discount hes looking for. This person is asking you to buy him a 200 dollar birthday present and you you are not friends/family/business associates. You are a stranger and he would like you to give him 200 dollars. Point this out and maybe he will see the error of his ways.

2. I will write you a good review
This guy is ever present. Hes they guy that thinks because he talks a lot on a message board or two that that give him some kind of special status and hes always looking to trade that special status he thinks he has for a little discounted nookie. The implication is of course that because he is a big man on campus (in his own mind) that if you decline his haggling offer he will do the opposite of write you a good review. This guy is also under the impression that his one good review will bring you a shit ton more business. In fact that might have been true 10 years ago but the review game has changed a lot and sometimes they have such little effect on your business (and life) that people don’t even know that they have a new anything online because there is no spike to web hits, let alone phone calls or bookings. This one is best handled carefully as his personal ego is invested in the discount he’s trying to scam you out of. Best to just polity decline or ignore him entirely

3. I will become a regular.
The first thing you have to know about this guy is that he wont become a regular. This tactic is just the carrot he’s trying to dangle in front of you. If you he liked you enough to be a regular he would have already seen you and would be well on his way to booking more frequent and longer appointments. This guy will only see you once for the discount and if he ever did book again he’d expect that to be discounted as well. I usually tell this guy when he IS a regular then we can talk about discounted rates or extended appointment price breaks.

4. You’re not worth the price.
This intimidation come on pretty much never works. No girl in her right mind is going to come back with “yes i am, lets do it for cheap and i’ll prove it to you” Though that is the hagglers one true wish. Usually this guy has anger issues as well and lets face who wants to deal with that guy alone in a hotel room. Not I. Avoid at all costs.

5. Other girls are cheaper.
Pitting providers against each other is a common tactic though it usually doesn’t work well. To be a provider you have to already have a lot of self confidence, when you sell sex you’re really putting yourself out there. So trying the old “but so and so is cheaper” really is a weak come on. I generally tell him that my rates are my rates and that he should book time with someone in his price range and to have a nice day.

6. I’m too poor.
This is the opposite approach to you’re not worth the price. This guy cant afford you and he shouldn’t be wasting your time with the old cry poor come on. There are girls at every price point he can find someone he likes in his range. Trying to make you feel sorry for the sad state of his wallet is well sad and pathetic. There are lots of things I can not afford and I cant imagine a time I went to my favorite 5 star restaurant and begged for a discount cuz it was out of my price range. Yeah that never happens. I usually point that fact out to him.

The haggler takes many forms and he will often come back at you time and time again. You can not control that the only think you can control is your reaction to it. There are days when you are going to want to rip them up one side and down the other but its important to pick your battles, if you can find a way to polity decline its usually best, ignoring them and sending their inquiry to the circular file is also a good way to go. Once an a while a scathing email retort cant be helped. I’ve done it more times then i care to admit, ive also felt the backlash from lashing out in frustration at a haggler. Do your best to keep it civil and your mental health and blood pressure will both thank you for it.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

Review Fall Out

Escort reviews are tricky business. Some hate them, some love them some just want to ignore the fact that they exist. The decision to allow yourself to be reviewed is a personal one. Some people swear by them and all that being involved in the review website culture offers. Others swear they don’t do anything to help their business and hate them, flat out. Others refuse to participate at all and ignore how they impact the industry as a whole. Reviews are personal and the opinions on them are about as diverse as stars in the sky. That’s a lot of fucking diversity. If you are an escort that allows reviews you will inevitably come up against a not so glowing review or worse a complete fake one. It happens and it will happen to you eventually if you stick around the business long enough. Here are a couple of things to help you keep your sanity when one of those two things happen.

1. Its only one persons opinion

This is a fact, a review is just one persons opinion about an event in which the reviewer was a active participant. If the experience was bland or not as thrilling as the client wanted well he was there too. Lots of times clients have unrealistic expectations about what an encounter will be. They’ve spent a long time building up in their head and saving their pennies and forget that they are there to participate and would like to hold the escort responsible as if shes the only one involved in the encounter.  Some sadly are just giant assholes. We cant be all things to all people, we can only do the best job we can when meeting with clients. One mediocre review isn’t going to change anything! Seriously it’s not! Hell I know ladies with many not so favorable reviews that do just fine and don’t let the criticism affect them. It just rolls off  their backs like water off a duck. Just remember to tell yourself that you did your best to meet that clients needs and move on and focus on other things that do mater.

2. Fake reviews happen try to minimize how you react to it

You got a fake review, it happens to the best of us! Sometimes fake reviews are good an sometimes they are bad. In any event no one likes it when people make stuff up about them. You have several options after getting a fake review. You can message the poster and ask him if hes mixed you up with someone else. Be nice and try to keep your cool, don’t blast him for being the dirt bag he is. Give him a reason to remove it all on his own. I find sweetness and guilt can work wonders. Some review websites will work with you if you believe a review to be fake. Give them the info they need to take it down. If your tour schedule shows you are in Idaho when this guy from Rhode Island posted your fake review you might be able to get the site to remove it all on their own. If you are connected enough ask a third party  respected by both sides of the equation to mediate the dispute. It doesn’t always work but sometimes, just sometimes it does. If all else fails just forget the fake review is there. You think all those reviews on Yelp are real? They’re not and the more that the world gets involved with review culture ( yes, I just did say that) the less impact any reviews of any business or service has.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, former GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme

Staying Grounded As An Escort

It’s hard to stay grounded, you can easily get wrapped up in our job and with many other jobs (think lawyer or member of the White House staff) you can lose yourself in your job. That’s not good for your escorting career, your well being and can turn you into a person no one wants to be around. It happens fast and its insidious and if you don’t take care and take steps you will find yourself being that person and climbing out of the hole you dug for yourself which is  a lot harder then avoiding the hole to begin with. As escorts we are often saying and by that I mean screaming from the roof tops that we are more then our jobs, that we are real living breathing humans with many facets. Escort activists want people to take our jobs seriously and for us not to be punch lines. Lets make that easier for them by staying grounded, sane and not feeding into the stereotype. Some simple steps escorts can take to help stay grounded

1. Have friends out side of the business

Yes, I know its hard. Its much easier to hide the the safe zone of all my friends be they online or in person are sex workers or clients. Don’t fall into that trap. Yes, other sex workers understand you better then civvies but when you wrap your self up in that flag, you do yourself and those around you a disservice. People outside of sex work have real things to offer you like making sure you don’t forget that other people have struggles and that not everything is about you. When my friend the bartender had to deal with a very bad work situation where she was sexually harassed and threatened and her rent was due I realized that my 600 buck client that moved our date to the following week wasn’t such a travesty. Yes, as escorts we have specific challenges but other people have challenges too, many harder then ours.

2. Watch the news once in a while

Watch the news so you know whats going on int he world. Not only will it help your life prospective but it has the added bonus of helping you to sound current in conversations with clients (or others). It makes you look  like you understand the world, you might even learn a few things.

3. Save money

If you have a good week, don’t go out and blow all your cash on a pair of Louboutins or Manolo’s. Seriously don’t spend your hard earned money on frivolous bullshit. Put that money away and save it. Save it for when you don’t have a good week or for when you want to take a vacation or because even though your really loving your life as an escort now, money in the bank will give you options in the future. Don’t blow that opportunity because of shoes or status bullshit like a Fendi bag.

4. Do something to expand your skills that’s not business related

Take a class, volunteer, learn a new skill. You wont always want to be a sex worker and learning new things will help you in the future. Like to write? Take a creative writing class. Love how smart your dog is, take him to agility training classes, always had a thing for numbers take a statistics seminar. Register for print making classes at th local JC, take a sewing class, a TV production class anything that will expand your horizons. It not only will help you to be present in the world but you walk away with a new skill.

5. Get a hobby

Swim with sharks, ride a horse, collect stamps, sculpt. The field is wide open when it comes to hobbies. Find something that interests you and then just do it. You’ll meet new people who you have something in common with thats not work related. You’ll  learn new things! Your new hobby is just for you to enjoy, it will make you a better person and help keep you connected to the outside world.

Jenny DeMilo: Dominatrix, GFE Escort, Fetish Clip Producer and Hypno-Domme